steady, boy.
it makes sense to me that my stomach has been aching for the past few days.
it is halfway between my head and my feet.
we leave in five hours and i can barely keep breathing. all this is inexact, but i feel it so acutely. it is rising and sinking in me, and i try to maintain the delicate balance it has created--just between panic and normalcy. (i was almost foolish enough to write "between panic and calm", but i am self-aware enough to know that calm is nowhere in sight. all i can hope for is to hold this in until the plane, and then it will have gone. i think.)
memory memory memory.
i was here just two years ago. one would think i would have learned to be okay with it. it is different now, though. it comes with so much more than just myself. there are lives i cannot begin to know how to comprehend that will be having experiences so unlike mine, and i am powerless, really.
i suppose all that i have really learned is how to get on a plane and stay there.
i can hope that i have also learned how to get off and be okay.
you have six weeks. write me:
saadia khalid
29A shaik hindi road
near data darbar
lahore, pakistan
it is halfway between my head and my feet.
we leave in five hours and i can barely keep breathing. all this is inexact, but i feel it so acutely. it is rising and sinking in me, and i try to maintain the delicate balance it has created--just between panic and normalcy. (i was almost foolish enough to write "between panic and calm", but i am self-aware enough to know that calm is nowhere in sight. all i can hope for is to hold this in until the plane, and then it will have gone. i think.)
memory memory memory.
i was here just two years ago. one would think i would have learned to be okay with it. it is different now, though. it comes with so much more than just myself. there are lives i cannot begin to know how to comprehend that will be having experiences so unlike mine, and i am powerless, really.
i suppose all that i have really learned is how to get on a plane and stay there.
i can hope that i have also learned how to get off and be okay.
you have six weeks. write me:
saadia khalid
29A shaik hindi road
near data darbar
lahore, pakistan