We reject our earthly fires, gone are days of land empires, lungs transform to take in water.
So I get obsessed with things, right? Very easily. This time, it's Metalocolypse. I know that a lot of people look at that show and go: "Dude. That's a dumb show.", but to them, I say: "DETHKLOK IS BRUTAAAAAL! Do anything for Dethklok! High five."
...
Yeah, I'm a dork. Okay, not really, though. I'd probably respond with: "Have you seen the show?! Come on! I've got both seasons on DVD! Come watch it! Witness the hilarious awesomeness that is Metalocolypse! Listen to some of their songs! I have them all on my iPod! Come! Witness the awesome!"
...
And then even more people will think I'm a dork. But they might also get to see the awesomeness that is Metalocolypse and Dethklok!
So, besides this odd obsession, the only reason I really needed to mention tich is an account of ze the rest of my entry, which is an account of the incredibly odd dream I had last night. I'm going to cut it, just in case no one wants to know about the deep, dark workings of my subconcious. Keep in mind that the new drugs that my doctor has put me on has an interesting side effect of making me having very vivid, intense dreams. So that's the only warning I give you before you choose to either walk away, or click on the link below and check out the weirdness that is my id. My dreams do not always take place in sequential order, but because they are so vivid, and I nearly always remember every detail of my dreams, I am able to rearrange them in my head, and write them down into epic, "interesting" stories.
Okay. So.
I'm sleeping, dreaming, of course, and I start having the weirdest epic dream.
My name was not Sparrow, not Heather, I have no idea what my name was now, but it was some awesome name. I wish I could remember what it was, it was sweet.
To start with, I'm apparently a singer, with a solo career. That's odd enough, since I sing, but that doesn't mean I sing well. Which would explain why in my dream, I was a singer, but my albums didn't really sell a lot. Now, not only was I a singer, but I was a singer in the cartoon world where Dethklok plays, because I kept lamenting that I was not nearly as metal as them (yeah, apparently I was a solo metal singer... makes sense how?) and that no one would ever commit suicide because my album was delayed... apparently I was a messed up singer.
So anyway, I'm trying to record this new album, and my manager (who was a total asshat) was in the recording booth with me, complaining about some set of lyrics or another, and I was irritated, because the tape was rolling, and we were actually recording his complaining instead of my singing, when he told me to plug my mic into a different part of the amp (Why would we have an amp in the recording booth? No clue.) so I plugged it in, but something went wrong, and he got electrocuted! And because we'd been recording... we had managed to record his death throes, the electricity crackling, and my screams of horror. Now, because this is a world where the more brutal something is, the more awesome it is, I decided to record a whole album around the theme of electrocution, and the final track was actually my screams and his death. Dude. I'm so insane in my dreams.
So anyways, this odd album "Deathtrocution" came out, and it shot to the top of the charts. I was kind of basking in the delight of my success when I get this phone call from Charles Ofdensen, who is the manager of Dethklok. For those who are uninformed about the hotness of this idea, allow me to include a picture of Charles.
Charles Foster Ofdensen:
I know. He doesn't look like much. But now consider the man as a suited man who fights with a sword, and can kick a trained assassin's ass in about fifteen seconds. *shivers happily*
"That's my bread and butter you're fucking with."
So anyway. Hot, hot man calls me up, and tells me that Dethklok thinks my album was "totally metal" (Which he says completely sarcastically and dry, because he's like that.) and that they would like me to collaborate with them on this upcoming song they had, because apparently they needed a female singer for this song. So, after hyperventilating and screaming in my dream, I quickly told him that I would be delighted to work with Dethklok.
Now, this is where it gets odd. My dream sort of "skipped" ahead, and the song they'd asked me to help them with had been recorded, released as a single, and apparently sold billions of copies, or something. As a result (and this part really doesn't make sense to me), Dethklok apparently pulled a Black Eyed Peas, and instead of just asking me to help with one song, had afterwards invited me to be a member of Dethklok. Which was awesome, to say the least. So I dunno how it happened, but because my dream had skipped, I was just... there. Hanging out in the new Mordhause (Since of course Mordhause had burned down in the last episode of season two, and had now been rebuilt, about a million times better.) and, you know, sitting in the hot tub, and drinking beer (Which is weird, cause I don't drink.), and just generally having an awesome time being in Dethklok.
There were just a lot of random things that happened, which were weird, like lamenting my lack of guitar skills, and Toki telling me that it wasn't so hard to play pianos. Which would have just seemed like some kind of "WTF is my brain thinking?" except that he really does call guitar lessons piano lessons in the show, so...
And at one point, Murderface got up in arms, because someone had told him that everyone has slept with Skwisgaar, and he was standing there yelling that not everyone had slept with Skwisgaar, and this odd conversation happened:
Skwisgaar: Yeah, everybodys. Ask anyone.
Toki: I have.
Nathan: Uhh... yeah.
Pickles: Me too, dude.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Charles: Mmm. Yes, I have as well, myself.
Murderface: Well - you haven't slept with me!
And then he ran off, crying.
And of course, myself, being myself, and weird, I bought each of the members of the band (and Charles) a BJD of themselves. (I was rich! A billionaire! Of course I did!) Each person's reaction was a little different... Nathan just kind of tossed his in the closet, Pickles' ended up under his bed somewhere, Skwisgaar thought it was nice once he discovered that they're anatomically correct and so set it up on his dresser, Toki did photostories with his and Deddy bear, Charles' "disappeared", and Murderface, being odd, carried his everywhere. Constantly. It creeped everyone out, because he'd sit there, talking to it, trying to feed it at mealtime, and stroking the dolls hair constantly, and acting like it was alive, and at one point, actually demanded that anyone that wanted to talk to him had to talk to him through the doll, because it was the "perfect him". So it was really fucking creepy.
And suddenly there was another member of the band, too. Stephanie, a girl I went to high school with. I haven't seen her in six years, so I really don't know why I dreamt of her! I have no idea! Now, Stephanie was married last summer (I was invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it.) so I knew she had been married, but in my dream, she'd been married to Seth, Pickle's brother. o.O So somehow she was in the band, even though she didn't sing, or play an instrument, or anything. It was really weird. Seth, being the mooch he is, then tried to get money from them anyway he could, which is probably why she was in the band.
At one point, I overheard Seth talking in the phone, telling one of his redneck friends that he was going to divorce Stepanie, and if he did, he was going to get half of Dethklok's money, which doesn't make any sense, because why would you get money from all of the band members, and not just the one you're married to?!
I got so mad at him that I beat the absolute shit out of the twerp, and when Nathan stumbled upon the scene - I was at that point stomping on him, and he was all whimpering and fetal position - he just kind of looked at me, looked at Seth, and said: "Metal."
And then Murderface came and helped me, which was awesome. :D I think we might have killed the guy.
Then suddenly, my dreams skipped ahead again, and we were doing some kind of press signature signing, and the Klokateers were trying to keep the fans away. There was a group of fans dressed in Greek armour, and wearing D&D type shirts, wanting to meet the "historical Dethklok member", and I just stood there and told them how inaccurate their armour was, and so on. It was odd.
Time skip occurs again, and we're getting ready for a concert. Now, for some reason, and I don't know why, I was having some kind of problem with my wardrobe. Now, my makeup had already been done, so I was painted white all over any exposed skin, and I had the whole black around my eyes, etc. I was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt, and black combat boots. Standard Dethklok concert fare, right? But for some reason, I didn't think I had the right clothes, even though there was a part of my brain saying "Hey! I'm already dressed!" but for some reason, I wanted to get changed. Apparently my clothes were too big, which is not a problem I've had in years, believe me, but that was the problem, so I changed into a pair of jeans, a pair of sneakers, and a bright yellow t-shirt. Now, while getting changed, I'd been delaying the concert, which was already two songs in, and they'd had to change songs because the one that I was essential for had been supposed to be first, and had to be put later because, for some bizarre reason, I was changing into yellow clothes.
So I come out onto stage, finally, and people and the band are looking at me really odd, cause I'm not in black, and there are men and women in the front row, some of them wearing clever t-shirts with puns that related to my name (Whatever it was.) and sex with them. But I was in yellow, which is ridiculous!
So I did the song that I was apparently in the band for, which was cool, but I was pretty sure that whenever it wasn't that song, they just turned down my mic, so I'd look like I was contributing, for the audience that had come to see the concert, but I didn't have to embarrass the band or myself with my crappy singing... yeah. Even in my dreams, I was convinced I sucked.
But then, the Klokateers, who had apparently been trying to find a solution for my horrificly out of character outfit, took a huge vat, which was designed for pouring oil over attacking enemies, and filled it to the top with black dye, and poured some 150 gallons of black dye all over me! So here I am, standing in the middle of the stage (I dunno why I was in the middle.), dripping with black dye, my clothes, my hair, my skin, everything coloured black. I look like a mess, I guess, but the audience - the front group of which had been showered with black dye too - were all screaming. They thought it was awesome, apparently. So, apparently inspired by the black dye, Nathan decided to engage me in a singing duel. Which wouldn't be so odd, I suppose, except that it was the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle song! Why would we be dueling back and forth over coffee?!
I was in the midst of this awesome concert, where I finally actually had a role in the band (Because, even though I hadn't felt it in the dream up until that point, at that moment I felt that I had never been important to the band up until that point.) and I was singing, delighted, pleased, feeling like I was on top of the world...
And a professor called to ask a question about my application for my doctorate next year.
*sighs*
Well... it was an awesome dream. An odd one, oh yes, but it was kind of fun, you know?
And for those of you who are not into Dethklok, or into Sparrow's weird dreams, I have a different announcement.
I LOST FIVE POUNDS!
I know, that's really kind of pathetic, and probably all water weight, considering I lost that in a week, I'm choosing to take it as a good sign! Yay!
...
Yeah, I'm a dork. Okay, not really, though. I'd probably respond with: "Have you seen the show?! Come on! I've got both seasons on DVD! Come watch it! Witness the hilarious awesomeness that is Metalocolypse! Listen to some of their songs! I have them all on my iPod! Come! Witness the awesome!"
...
And then even more people will think I'm a dork. But they might also get to see the awesomeness that is Metalocolypse and Dethklok!
So, besides this odd obsession, the only reason I really needed to mention tich is an account of ze the rest of my entry, which is an account of the incredibly odd dream I had last night. I'm going to cut it, just in case no one wants to know about the deep, dark workings of my subconcious. Keep in mind that the new drugs that my doctor has put me on has an interesting side effect of making me having very vivid, intense dreams. So that's the only warning I give you before you choose to either walk away, or click on the link below and check out the weirdness that is my id. My dreams do not always take place in sequential order, but because they are so vivid, and I nearly always remember every detail of my dreams, I am able to rearrange them in my head, and write them down into epic, "interesting" stories.
Okay. So.
I'm sleeping, dreaming, of course, and I start having the weirdest epic dream.
My name was not Sparrow, not Heather, I have no idea what my name was now, but it was some awesome name. I wish I could remember what it was, it was sweet.
To start with, I'm apparently a singer, with a solo career. That's odd enough, since I sing, but that doesn't mean I sing well. Which would explain why in my dream, I was a singer, but my albums didn't really sell a lot. Now, not only was I a singer, but I was a singer in the cartoon world where Dethklok plays, because I kept lamenting that I was not nearly as metal as them (yeah, apparently I was a solo metal singer... makes sense how?) and that no one would ever commit suicide because my album was delayed... apparently I was a messed up singer.
So anyway, I'm trying to record this new album, and my manager (who was a total asshat) was in the recording booth with me, complaining about some set of lyrics or another, and I was irritated, because the tape was rolling, and we were actually recording his complaining instead of my singing, when he told me to plug my mic into a different part of the amp (Why would we have an amp in the recording booth? No clue.) so I plugged it in, but something went wrong, and he got electrocuted! And because we'd been recording... we had managed to record his death throes, the electricity crackling, and my screams of horror. Now, because this is a world where the more brutal something is, the more awesome it is, I decided to record a whole album around the theme of electrocution, and the final track was actually my screams and his death. Dude. I'm so insane in my dreams.
So anyways, this odd album "Deathtrocution" came out, and it shot to the top of the charts. I was kind of basking in the delight of my success when I get this phone call from Charles Ofdensen, who is the manager of Dethklok. For those who are uninformed about the hotness of this idea, allow me to include a picture of Charles.
Charles Foster Ofdensen:
I know. He doesn't look like much. But now consider the man as a suited man who fights with a sword, and can kick a trained assassin's ass in about fifteen seconds. *shivers happily*
"That's my bread and butter you're fucking with."
So anyway. Hot, hot man calls me up, and tells me that Dethklok thinks my album was "totally metal" (Which he says completely sarcastically and dry, because he's like that.) and that they would like me to collaborate with them on this upcoming song they had, because apparently they needed a female singer for this song. So, after hyperventilating and screaming in my dream, I quickly told him that I would be delighted to work with Dethklok.
Now, this is where it gets odd. My dream sort of "skipped" ahead, and the song they'd asked me to help them with had been recorded, released as a single, and apparently sold billions of copies, or something. As a result (and this part really doesn't make sense to me), Dethklok apparently pulled a Black Eyed Peas, and instead of just asking me to help with one song, had afterwards invited me to be a member of Dethklok. Which was awesome, to say the least. So I dunno how it happened, but because my dream had skipped, I was just... there. Hanging out in the new Mordhause (Since of course Mordhause had burned down in the last episode of season two, and had now been rebuilt, about a million times better.) and, you know, sitting in the hot tub, and drinking beer (Which is weird, cause I don't drink.), and just generally having an awesome time being in Dethklok.
There were just a lot of random things that happened, which were weird, like lamenting my lack of guitar skills, and Toki telling me that it wasn't so hard to play pianos. Which would have just seemed like some kind of "WTF is my brain thinking?" except that he really does call guitar lessons piano lessons in the show, so...
And at one point, Murderface got up in arms, because someone had told him that everyone has slept with Skwisgaar, and he was standing there yelling that not everyone had slept with Skwisgaar, and this odd conversation happened:
Skwisgaar: Yeah, everybodys. Ask anyone.
Toki: I have.
Nathan: Uhh... yeah.
Pickles: Me too, dude.
Me: Yeah, me too.
Charles: Mmm. Yes, I have as well, myself.
Murderface: Well - you haven't slept with me!
And then he ran off, crying.
And of course, myself, being myself, and weird, I bought each of the members of the band (and Charles) a BJD of themselves. (I was rich! A billionaire! Of course I did!) Each person's reaction was a little different... Nathan just kind of tossed his in the closet, Pickles' ended up under his bed somewhere, Skwisgaar thought it was nice once he discovered that they're anatomically correct and so set it up on his dresser, Toki did photostories with his and Deddy bear, Charles' "disappeared", and Murderface, being odd, carried his everywhere. Constantly. It creeped everyone out, because he'd sit there, talking to it, trying to feed it at mealtime, and stroking the dolls hair constantly, and acting like it was alive, and at one point, actually demanded that anyone that wanted to talk to him had to talk to him through the doll, because it was the "perfect him". So it was really fucking creepy.
And suddenly there was another member of the band, too. Stephanie, a girl I went to high school with. I haven't seen her in six years, so I really don't know why I dreamt of her! I have no idea! Now, Stephanie was married last summer (I was invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it.) so I knew she had been married, but in my dream, she'd been married to Seth, Pickle's brother. o.O So somehow she was in the band, even though she didn't sing, or play an instrument, or anything. It was really weird. Seth, being the mooch he is, then tried to get money from them anyway he could, which is probably why she was in the band.
At one point, I overheard Seth talking in the phone, telling one of his redneck friends that he was going to divorce Stepanie, and if he did, he was going to get half of Dethklok's money, which doesn't make any sense, because why would you get money from all of the band members, and not just the one you're married to?!
I got so mad at him that I beat the absolute shit out of the twerp, and when Nathan stumbled upon the scene - I was at that point stomping on him, and he was all whimpering and fetal position - he just kind of looked at me, looked at Seth, and said: "Metal."
And then Murderface came and helped me, which was awesome. :D I think we might have killed the guy.
Then suddenly, my dreams skipped ahead again, and we were doing some kind of press signature signing, and the Klokateers were trying to keep the fans away. There was a group of fans dressed in Greek armour, and wearing D&D type shirts, wanting to meet the "historical Dethklok member", and I just stood there and told them how inaccurate their armour was, and so on. It was odd.
Time skip occurs again, and we're getting ready for a concert. Now, for some reason, and I don't know why, I was having some kind of problem with my wardrobe. Now, my makeup had already been done, so I was painted white all over any exposed skin, and I had the whole black around my eyes, etc. I was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt, and black combat boots. Standard Dethklok concert fare, right? But for some reason, I didn't think I had the right clothes, even though there was a part of my brain saying "Hey! I'm already dressed!" but for some reason, I wanted to get changed. Apparently my clothes were too big, which is not a problem I've had in years, believe me, but that was the problem, so I changed into a pair of jeans, a pair of sneakers, and a bright yellow t-shirt. Now, while getting changed, I'd been delaying the concert, which was already two songs in, and they'd had to change songs because the one that I was essential for had been supposed to be first, and had to be put later because, for some bizarre reason, I was changing into yellow clothes.
So I come out onto stage, finally, and people and the band are looking at me really odd, cause I'm not in black, and there are men and women in the front row, some of them wearing clever t-shirts with puns that related to my name (Whatever it was.) and sex with them. But I was in yellow, which is ridiculous!
So I did the song that I was apparently in the band for, which was cool, but I was pretty sure that whenever it wasn't that song, they just turned down my mic, so I'd look like I was contributing, for the audience that had come to see the concert, but I didn't have to embarrass the band or myself with my crappy singing... yeah. Even in my dreams, I was convinced I sucked.
But then, the Klokateers, who had apparently been trying to find a solution for my horrificly out of character outfit, took a huge vat, which was designed for pouring oil over attacking enemies, and filled it to the top with black dye, and poured some 150 gallons of black dye all over me! So here I am, standing in the middle of the stage (I dunno why I was in the middle.), dripping with black dye, my clothes, my hair, my skin, everything coloured black. I look like a mess, I guess, but the audience - the front group of which had been showered with black dye too - were all screaming. They thought it was awesome, apparently. So, apparently inspired by the black dye, Nathan decided to engage me in a singing duel. Which wouldn't be so odd, I suppose, except that it was the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle song! Why would we be dueling back and forth over coffee?!
I was in the midst of this awesome concert, where I finally actually had a role in the band (Because, even though I hadn't felt it in the dream up until that point, at that moment I felt that I had never been important to the band up until that point.) and I was singing, delighted, pleased, feeling like I was on top of the world...
And a professor called to ask a question about my application for my doctorate next year.
*sighs*
Well... it was an awesome dream. An odd one, oh yes, but it was kind of fun, you know?
And for those of you who are not into Dethklok, or into Sparrow's weird dreams, I have a different announcement.
I LOST FIVE POUNDS!
I know, that's really kind of pathetic, and probably all water weight, considering I lost that in a week, I'm choosing to take it as a good sign! Yay!