It's been a solid year since I was practically forced to withdraw my classes due to *surprise surprise* bullshit going on at home. Weirdly enough, after a few days I was so relieved I no longer had any papers to pull out of my ass or classes to fail that I wondered if it happened for my own good. Now I'm of the opinion that for certain reasons college didn't resonate with who I am. Sometimes I wonder if it was important I experience that for its own sake, just to be able to say, "I tried this, and it didn't work. Now I know."
I recently saw a friend of mine on post a pic on Facebook from Bath, England and felt a throbbing pang of envy, and started subjecting myself to what I should be doing or what I ought to have done, before thinking that there is no sacred secret in some other country I need to discover to fulfill myself. In weird times like that I trust in God to guide me where he will, whether it's down the street or all the way to Palermo, Italy. Though I'm sure after all the dumb shit I do on a daily basis I'm thoroughly undeserving of any guidance, providential or otherwise.
Point is, this idea of a "life plan" is ridiculous in the sense that you can't plan life. And honestly, as long as you have food to eat, a house over your head, and friends and family who love you, a fancy career is a plus but isn't the essence of someone's worth, nor should it be the yard stick a worthwhile life is measured against. King Solomon called all work and toil "a chasing after the wind", and that's what I think a lot of people do these days trying to make something of themselves. When people run in circles it's a very very mad world~
So try not to worry about it so much. People don't know what's going to happen exactly in the next 5 minutes much less tomorrow, so might as well just let it happen as it pleases itself to.
I've spent my whole life a student, and it's frankly my comfort zone more than anything--the idea of leaving the academic world, of my primary goal being the application of knowledge and not its acquisition...that's what scares me, to be honest. That, and what the fuck do theology majors who have no designs on seminary do with their lives?
I seem to take an Occam's Razor approach to overwhelming subjects like these. I had worked out the squicky feelings I had post-drop out and found that even in the face of all I've learned, I didn't need to be pressured to apply all of it at once. There's a time for everything--also says King Solomon, if I'm correct.
The most important knowledge you apply should be the knowledge that drives why you even decide to operate on a daily basis. You said you had a goal, and goals are lovely. I think the essential question is if the realization of that goal is essential to your happiness. If it's not, then it's up to you whether or not it's worth it to follow through. If it is (i.e the application of knowledge), try what an English professor of mine suggested as one of her core principles for writing academic papers: narrow your scope. Discover the core of what you want to do with this knowledge and go from there. And it's perfectly okay if that doesn't happen by tomorrow, or the next day either.
There's a writing book by Anne Lammot called "Bird by Bird". The title comes from an experience her brother had when he was a kid. He had to finish a report on birds, and had to compile so much information he was overwhelmed. But her father put his hand on the boy's shoulder and said, "Just take it bird by bird, buddy." Things tend to unfold in increments anyway. Life is lived day by day.
In my honest opinion, I have faith in time as much as I have faith in God. I find that with patience, things come into play in their own time. Maybe when you're out of college you won't be able to apply everything you've learned right there are then, but there'll be situations that will likely call upon it--so each to its own place then. At least, that's how it's happened from my experience. This may seem trivial, but I'd abandon fic and lament losing all desire to continue it, only to find a few seasons later I had to discover something else for the fic to finally come to fruition. Or a book would collect dust on my shelf for months and I'd lament that I wasn't utilizing it right away, only for time to pass and suddenly, out of the blue, that particular subject became more interesting to me than ever. So I'd pick the book up and read it to the end with gusto.
In short, everything has its own day. I'm sure everything you seek to accomplish will too (even if it takes time to figure out exactly what you want to accomplish).
It's been a solid year since I was practically forced to withdraw my classes due to *surprise surprise* bullshit going on at home. Weirdly enough, after a few days I was so relieved I no longer had any papers to pull out of my ass or classes to fail that I wondered if it happened for my own good. Now I'm of the opinion that for certain reasons college didn't resonate with who I am. Sometimes I wonder if it was important I experience that for its own sake, just to be able to say, "I tried this, and it didn't work. Now I know."
I recently saw a friend of mine on post a pic on Facebook from Bath, England and felt a throbbing pang of envy, and started subjecting myself to what I should be doing or what I ought to have done, before thinking that there is no sacred secret in some other country I need to discover to fulfill myself. In weird times like that I trust in God to guide me where he will, whether it's down the street or all the way to Palermo, Italy. Though I'm sure after all the dumb shit I do on a daily basis I'm thoroughly undeserving of any guidance, providential or otherwise.
Point is, this idea of a "life plan" is ridiculous in the sense that you can't plan life. And honestly, as long as you have food to eat, a house over your head, and friends and family who love you, a fancy career is a plus but isn't the essence of someone's worth, nor should it be the yard stick a worthwhile life is measured against. King Solomon called all work and toil "a chasing after the wind", and that's what I think a lot of people do these days trying to make something of themselves. When people run in circles it's a very very mad world~
So try not to worry about it so much. People don't know what's going to happen exactly in the next 5 minutes much less tomorrow, so might as well just let it happen as it pleases itself to.
Reply
I've spent my whole life a student, and it's frankly my comfort zone more than anything--the idea of leaving the academic world, of my primary goal being the application of knowledge and not its acquisition...that's what scares me, to be honest. That, and what the fuck do theology majors who have no designs on seminary do with their lives?
Reply
The most important knowledge you apply should be the knowledge that drives why you even decide to operate on a daily basis. You said you had a goal, and goals are lovely. I think the essential question is if the realization of that goal is essential to your happiness. If it's not, then it's up to you whether or not it's worth it to follow through. If it is (i.e the application of knowledge), try what an English professor of mine suggested as one of her core principles for writing academic papers: narrow your scope. Discover the core of what you want to do with this knowledge and go from there. And it's perfectly okay if that doesn't happen by tomorrow, or the next day either.
There's a writing book by Anne Lammot called "Bird by Bird". The title comes from an experience her brother had when he was a kid. He had to finish a report on birds, and had to compile so much information he was overwhelmed. But her father put his hand on the boy's shoulder and said, "Just take it bird by bird, buddy." Things tend to unfold in increments anyway. Life is lived day by day.
In my honest opinion, I have faith in time as much as I have faith in God. I find that with patience, things come into play in their own time. Maybe when you're out of college you won't be able to apply everything you've learned right there are then, but there'll be situations that will likely call upon it--so each to its own place then. At least, that's how it's happened from my experience. This may seem trivial, but I'd abandon fic and lament losing all desire to continue it, only to find a few seasons later I had to discover something else for the fic to finally come to fruition. Or a book would collect dust on my shelf for months and I'd lament that I wasn't utilizing it right away, only for time to pass and suddenly, out of the blue, that particular subject became more interesting to me than ever. So I'd pick the book up and read it to the end with gusto.
In short, everything has its own day. I'm sure everything you seek to accomplish will too (even if it takes time to figure out exactly what you want to accomplish).
And sorry for talking your ear off.
Reply
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