March 1st is International Self-Injury Awareness Day...
Self-Injury (here on referred to as self-harm, except where the word injury serves best), also known as ‘non-suicidal self-injury’ and ‘deliberate self-harm’, it is the self-infliction of harm to the individual which can be both physical and psychological in nature. These can include cutting, burning, hitting, intentional overdose, self-starvation, and persistent derogatory and hateful thoughts of self. However, that’s not to say there aren’t other ways the harm can be inflicted - we can be inventive when the situation calls for it. Many who self-harm do it in places that cannot be seen or can be easily hidden. For the majority of those who self-harm suicide is not the intention although sadly, given the nature of self-injury, accidental death can result. In addition, those who self-harm are at a higher risk for suicide and suicide attempts in the future (it is estimated that somewhere between 40 and 60 percent of those who commit suicide have a history of self-harm).
It is a common myth that self-harm is used as a means of manipulation and/or attention-seeking - but this is untrue and highly insulting. Instead, self-harm is often the result of overwhelming and persistent feelings of guilt, anger (at ourselves, someone else or both), emptiness, anxiousness, self-loathing and depression - to name but a few. It is an outward expression of emotional pain and a coping mechanism with the aim of either ending an episode of dissociation or to facilitate dissociation from the intense feelings being experienced. It can also be used as a means of punishment, control or an attempt to ward off thoughts of suicide - however, it is important to realise that every self-harmer has their own unique reasons for each individual episode. The catch-22 of this that the feelings that often lead to an episode of self-harm, after a period of calm and self-satisfaction - it is a highly cathartic and morbidly pleasurable experience - become magnified at the realisation of the act. Another common side effect of self-harm can be an addiction to the self-harm itself. Due to the chemical processes which result from self-injury the person may become psychologically dependent - it is highly effective, reliable and often becomes the persons go-to coping strategy for any stressors - and eventually the person may crave it as someone with a substance abuse problem craves their drug of choice. And guess what? Self-harm is not limited to young girls. Don’t ever assume that.
If you know of or encounter someone who has or does self-harm do not, I repeat DO NOT, be judgmental of them or their behaviour. This will not help the situation at all and will result in further anger and withdrawal by the sufferer - also, being found out often results in further feelings of self-hatred, failure and guilt. Comments such as ‘[insert name here] has it worse off’, and the like, are a bad move - believe me, they’ve already thought this, felt guilt over this and now you’ve just confirmed their worst thoughts about themselves. Avoid expressions of shock, anger, blame or any other strong negative emotions. Do not trivialise the self-harm or feelings which have lead to it. Don’t punish the person - they are already doing that enough for the both of you, your friends and all your relatives. Also, unless the conversation is initiated by the sufferer, do not focus any and all conversations on stopping the self-harm and threaten or proceed with the removal of tools used. These tools are our comfort blankets, the removal of which often stirs up intense anxiety and leaves us on edge… and, like I said, we are inventive - if we really want to self-harm we will find a way and, as it may require the introduction of a new method, can lead to an increase in the severity of harm or risk death. Instead, remain calm and express any concerns you may be feeling in a non-judgmental way - approach the topic carefully and do not push the subject if the person is not ready. Ask if there is anything you can do to help alleviate the experienced distress which has lead us to this. You can encourage the person to seek professional help, but do not pressure them to do so. Please be supportive and accepting of us: we hurt - this is how we deal.
For those of you out there who do self-harm, I’m not asking you to identify yourself and I will not ‘out you’. SI screams in your ear that hiding your self-harm is proof that you are strong-willed and in control and being found out or wanting to get better is a sign of weakness and failure, but believe me when I say that putting your hand up and asking for help is where the real bravery lies. If and/or when you want to accept help, know that it takes time, effort, and a bucketload of self-control and courage but it is also worth it. I have been a self-harmer since the age of 14 and I waited until I was over 20 to ‘seek help’. I left it for so long that I am one of those for whom it has become an addiction. I still have the occasional relapse - it would be naïve of me to expect otherwise - however, each time it becomes a little less intense and easier to recover from (a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ kind of thing). I know I will battle with the urge for the rest of my life but it really does become a little easier to resist each day.
I am currently six and a half months clean.
At twelve months I get cake.
It is a common myth that self-harm is used as a means of manipulation and/or attention-seeking - but this is untrue and highly insulting. Instead, self-harm is often the result of overwhelming and persistent feelings of guilt, anger (at ourselves, someone else or both), emptiness, anxiousness, self-loathing and depression - to name but a few. It is an outward expression of emotional pain and a coping mechanism with the aim of either ending an episode of dissociation or to facilitate dissociation from the intense feelings being experienced. It can also be used as a means of punishment, control or an attempt to ward off thoughts of suicide - however, it is important to realise that every self-harmer has their own unique reasons for each individual episode. The catch-22 of this that the feelings that often lead to an episode of self-harm, after a period of calm and self-satisfaction - it is a highly cathartic and morbidly pleasurable experience - become magnified at the realisation of the act. Another common side effect of self-harm can be an addiction to the self-harm itself. Due to the chemical processes which result from self-injury the person may become psychologically dependent - it is highly effective, reliable and often becomes the persons go-to coping strategy for any stressors - and eventually the person may crave it as someone with a substance abuse problem craves their drug of choice. And guess what? Self-harm is not limited to young girls. Don’t ever assume that.
If you know of or encounter someone who has or does self-harm do not, I repeat DO NOT, be judgmental of them or their behaviour. This will not help the situation at all and will result in further anger and withdrawal by the sufferer - also, being found out often results in further feelings of self-hatred, failure and guilt. Comments such as ‘[insert name here] has it worse off’, and the like, are a bad move - believe me, they’ve already thought this, felt guilt over this and now you’ve just confirmed their worst thoughts about themselves. Avoid expressions of shock, anger, blame or any other strong negative emotions. Do not trivialise the self-harm or feelings which have lead to it. Don’t punish the person - they are already doing that enough for the both of you, your friends and all your relatives. Also, unless the conversation is initiated by the sufferer, do not focus any and all conversations on stopping the self-harm and threaten or proceed with the removal of tools used. These tools are our comfort blankets, the removal of which often stirs up intense anxiety and leaves us on edge… and, like I said, we are inventive - if we really want to self-harm we will find a way and, as it may require the introduction of a new method, can lead to an increase in the severity of harm or risk death. Instead, remain calm and express any concerns you may be feeling in a non-judgmental way - approach the topic carefully and do not push the subject if the person is not ready. Ask if there is anything you can do to help alleviate the experienced distress which has lead us to this. You can encourage the person to seek professional help, but do not pressure them to do so. Please be supportive and accepting of us: we hurt - this is how we deal.
For those of you out there who do self-harm, I’m not asking you to identify yourself and I will not ‘out you’. SI screams in your ear that hiding your self-harm is proof that you are strong-willed and in control and being found out or wanting to get better is a sign of weakness and failure, but believe me when I say that putting your hand up and asking for help is where the real bravery lies. If and/or when you want to accept help, know that it takes time, effort, and a bucketload of self-control and courage but it is also worth it. I have been a self-harmer since the age of 14 and I waited until I was over 20 to ‘seek help’. I left it for so long that I am one of those for whom it has become an addiction. I still have the occasional relapse - it would be naïve of me to expect otherwise - however, each time it becomes a little less intense and easier to recover from (a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ kind of thing). I know I will battle with the urge for the rest of my life but it really does become a little easier to resist each day.
I am currently six and a half months clean.
At twelve months I get cake.