BVW Disorganization
This Wednesday is the BVW show. Tomorrow (Monday) is the jury to decide which worlds get into the show. Today we spent all night trying to set up for tomorrow. The setup is really complicated due to the myriad of different setups worlds have. One world is so complicated that it single-handedly doubles the complexity of our setup.
As much as I should enjoy this kind of work, I am extremely upset right now. This is one of the standard things that piss me off. I like order and organization. I am known as someone who can do amazing things in a tough situation, but that is because by being organized you can break a hard job down to easy pieces. I'm only good in the way I am when I'm allowed to do what I do. Even though I'm willing to tackle a hard job I hate hard work. I can almost always break something hard down. I'm willing to do hard jobs when I can do them on my own terms, but I get absolutely furious when I'm not allowed to do things my way but I have to do the hard things the way others would. I feel like saying, "If you think this way of working is acceptable then you fucking do it," and then walking away, but I usually don't.
Dave is far too nice, I think. Yes, I am about enabling the class and letting them do interesting things, but I do not appreciate groups just deciding what is going to happen for them without consideration of how it affects others, least of all the TAs who are the ones they are expecting to do what they say. I hate that this is acceptable. If I were running the show there would be strict rules. Go though us so that we can make sure things will run smoothly for everyone. I think it is ok to set some limits. As cool as it might be, designing a world like it is the only world instead of part of a larger show is not fair to anyone. Scaling it back just a little wouldn't kill it.
People just don't respect me at all when I'm not doing something directly for them. I don't think that is nice at all since when I'm doing something "not for them" it isn't for myself. It is for them indirectly. I may seem like an asshole sometimes when I being very strict about the way things have to run, but by me doing what I do it means everything will work, and work well. I really don't think things would run all that well without me. I don't know if that's a stuck up opinion or what, but I have seen evidence of it in the past.
I also really, really don't appreciate Jen acting the way she has been towards me. She seems to be pretty bitter that after being away at IAAPA I missed a few classes because I had other things to work on. First of all, I'd rather get fired from BVW TAing than fail out of school. TAing is fun, but they don't pay me enough for me to put that job before my duty to my classes. It's not like I was slacking off, I didn't even get to sleep either this past Tuesday or Thursday when I missed class. And although maybe I missed a few more classes than some of the other TAs, but when I was there I was doing a hell of a lot more than any of them. I spent the night before and day of setting up, testing, and then running the worlds in class, every class for the first 4 assignments. And also complaining about me stating my opinions on how we should do things. I understand that you think we should just give the students whatever they want, you'll probably get what you want since Dave agrees, but I don't think it is unreasonable for me to respectfully disagree especially since I feel like I'm doing most of it. If you're so upset that I wasn't doing anything then go do your damn lighting and let me worry about this.
Finally, I think this is a good place to talk about my idea for the ETC equipment manager. ETC equipment manager is a job I really want. This is the perfect example of me wanting to do hard work so that I can can do it on my terms (since I believe I have a good way of doing things) so that I can make it much better and easier for everyone. Normally when you need to set anything up, particularly something as big as this BVW show, you some electronic equipment of some kind. The ETC has a ton of stuff but any of it is almost impossible to find. I want to manage all this equipment so that it is always organized and collected so that it is easy for anyone to find and get whatever they want. It would be a ton of work and not much fun, but I'd be willing to do it for free, just because of how much easier it would make my own life when I need something, and I like to help out around here. This would solve a threefold value to the ETC. It would save everyone time, save the ETC money, and improve quality of projects. It would obviously save people time since instead of looking around everywhere and messing things up, all they'd have to do would be to come to me and ask and get what they want. It would save the ETC money because we wouldn't need to purchase things that we already had but couldn't find or that we had broken because they were just left lying around. It would improve the quality of projects not only because of the time people would have, but also because of the equipment they'd be able to use that otherwise they wouldn't even have known we had but wouldn't have gone out and bought. All I need is a place big enough to store all the stuff we have in an orderly manner; unfortunately I don't seem to be allowed to have that. I guess the floors of the cluster are the only place where things can be stored, and we wonder why they are always a mess.
As much as I should enjoy this kind of work, I am extremely upset right now. This is one of the standard things that piss me off. I like order and organization. I am known as someone who can do amazing things in a tough situation, but that is because by being organized you can break a hard job down to easy pieces. I'm only good in the way I am when I'm allowed to do what I do. Even though I'm willing to tackle a hard job I hate hard work. I can almost always break something hard down. I'm willing to do hard jobs when I can do them on my own terms, but I get absolutely furious when I'm not allowed to do things my way but I have to do the hard things the way others would. I feel like saying, "If you think this way of working is acceptable then you fucking do it," and then walking away, but I usually don't.
Dave is far too nice, I think. Yes, I am about enabling the class and letting them do interesting things, but I do not appreciate groups just deciding what is going to happen for them without consideration of how it affects others, least of all the TAs who are the ones they are expecting to do what they say. I hate that this is acceptable. If I were running the show there would be strict rules. Go though us so that we can make sure things will run smoothly for everyone. I think it is ok to set some limits. As cool as it might be, designing a world like it is the only world instead of part of a larger show is not fair to anyone. Scaling it back just a little wouldn't kill it.
People just don't respect me at all when I'm not doing something directly for them. I don't think that is nice at all since when I'm doing something "not for them" it isn't for myself. It is for them indirectly. I may seem like an asshole sometimes when I being very strict about the way things have to run, but by me doing what I do it means everything will work, and work well. I really don't think things would run all that well without me. I don't know if that's a stuck up opinion or what, but I have seen evidence of it in the past.
I also really, really don't appreciate Jen acting the way she has been towards me. She seems to be pretty bitter that after being away at IAAPA I missed a few classes because I had other things to work on. First of all, I'd rather get fired from BVW TAing than fail out of school. TAing is fun, but they don't pay me enough for me to put that job before my duty to my classes. It's not like I was slacking off, I didn't even get to sleep either this past Tuesday or Thursday when I missed class. And although maybe I missed a few more classes than some of the other TAs, but when I was there I was doing a hell of a lot more than any of them. I spent the night before and day of setting up, testing, and then running the worlds in class, every class for the first 4 assignments. And also complaining about me stating my opinions on how we should do things. I understand that you think we should just give the students whatever they want, you'll probably get what you want since Dave agrees, but I don't think it is unreasonable for me to respectfully disagree especially since I feel like I'm doing most of it. If you're so upset that I wasn't doing anything then go do your damn lighting and let me worry about this.
Finally, I think this is a good place to talk about my idea for the ETC equipment manager. ETC equipment manager is a job I really want. This is the perfect example of me wanting to do hard work so that I can can do it on my terms (since I believe I have a good way of doing things) so that I can make it much better and easier for everyone. Normally when you need to set anything up, particularly something as big as this BVW show, you some electronic equipment of some kind. The ETC has a ton of stuff but any of it is almost impossible to find. I want to manage all this equipment so that it is always organized and collected so that it is easy for anyone to find and get whatever they want. It would be a ton of work and not much fun, but I'd be willing to do it for free, just because of how much easier it would make my own life when I need something, and I like to help out around here. This would solve a threefold value to the ETC. It would save everyone time, save the ETC money, and improve quality of projects. It would obviously save people time since instead of looking around everywhere and messing things up, all they'd have to do would be to come to me and ask and get what they want. It would save the ETC money because we wouldn't need to purchase things that we already had but couldn't find or that we had broken because they were just left lying around. It would improve the quality of projects not only because of the time people would have, but also because of the equipment they'd be able to use that otherwise they wouldn't even have known we had but wouldn't have gone out and bought. All I need is a place big enough to store all the stuff we have in an orderly manner; unfortunately I don't seem to be allowed to have that. I guess the floors of the cluster are the only place where things can be stored, and we wonder why they are always a mess.