pms perhaps? I'd have to go check the pills to know for sure...
so here it is, 3 o clock in the morning, I'm eating peanut butter on a bagel with no milk in the silence and semi darkness of my room. I can't get my mind to stop thinking long enough to let me sleep. I tried. I went to bed an hour ago. But I'm up now.
Maybe it's because I got used to last week's--hell perhaps it has been two weeks now?--schedule of sleeping on the floor, couch, or wherever I happen to crash and now that I am on my fourth night of sleeping alone in a real bed, my body is fully rested and has no interest in sleeping. Maybe I should stop going to bed at a reasonable hour and sleeping all morning.
Maybe I can't sleep because I realize how almost broke I am and what bills I still need to pay off. And the easy way of covering those bills (working extra days at dad's) isn't available to me right now. I want to get out of this 4 year old wardrobe and run away to Mexico for the weekend. Drive down to Tucson to visit the wonderful people down there ($3+ for a gallon of gas?!?!) Hell, how about sustenance that doesn't fall under the category of "broke food." I guess I should be glad I'm not down to eating "wish food" (I wish I had some mashed potatoes to go with this plate and fork, I wish I had some turkey to put on my bread, you get it right?). From what I've heard "wish food" does make the food below "broke food" (moldy things that move that Junior prolly wouldn't eat) look pretty appetizing. Tomorrow I guess I'm off to build a customer base so I can make just a little more money. Well maybe a lot more. Dang, it almost makes me miss high school. But it doesn't.
or Maybe it's because, god forbid, I'm trying to sort out the tangled mess of a love life I have writhing at my toes. Because let me tell you, it is a mess. And yes you read the first statement right. Really I don't remember seeing him happy (giddy? skipping out of my office?) like I've seen him over the last week. Atleast not in the last months. But I've trained myself to have a cynical mind and in the broadest sense of the word I'm a touch of a player, or atleast leaning that way. I was planning on thoroughly enjoying myself this school year, prolly with the help of Tricia (a continuation of our mayhem from last year) and most likely a few randomly approved males met through out the semester. And then the one guy (there was actually only one) who could make me think twice about this plan has had me thinking about it for over 2 weeks now. I have Emily over here planning our wedding, his friend at the other end assuming I'm fair game, and 5 or 6 people (inlcuding myself) somewhere in the middle asking what the hell is going on. He said before he was patien and would le me figure out what I wanted, but I guess what I want is for him to make a decision for me? We need a talk. Where's my opportune moment?? I'm really trying to roll with the punches, but this seems to be an obstacle course. I always knew I was smart for thinking boys and relationships were way too much work. Why do we get so dumb with age??
Finally, 4 am, I'm tired. Try again. if at 5 I'm not asleep, I'm drinking till 6 so I can sleep for a couple hours before Mal takes me to school. She's driving. I can be drunk in class.
This was a very long winded entry. Sorry about that. Hopefully no one sat through and read all that because that was just the late night ramblings of a crazy girl. I spend an hour typing it though, and it will prolly make me groan in the morning, so i guess I'll post it.
Maybe it's because I got used to last week's--hell perhaps it has been two weeks now?--schedule of sleeping on the floor, couch, or wherever I happen to crash and now that I am on my fourth night of sleeping alone in a real bed, my body is fully rested and has no interest in sleeping. Maybe I should stop going to bed at a reasonable hour and sleeping all morning.
Maybe I can't sleep because I realize how almost broke I am and what bills I still need to pay off. And the easy way of covering those bills (working extra days at dad's) isn't available to me right now. I want to get out of this 4 year old wardrobe and run away to Mexico for the weekend. Drive down to Tucson to visit the wonderful people down there ($3+ for a gallon of gas?!?!) Hell, how about sustenance that doesn't fall under the category of "broke food." I guess I should be glad I'm not down to eating "wish food" (I wish I had some mashed potatoes to go with this plate and fork, I wish I had some turkey to put on my bread, you get it right?). From what I've heard "wish food" does make the food below "broke food" (moldy things that move that Junior prolly wouldn't eat) look pretty appetizing. Tomorrow I guess I'm off to build a customer base so I can make just a little more money. Well maybe a lot more. Dang, it almost makes me miss high school. But it doesn't.
or Maybe it's because, god forbid, I'm trying to sort out the tangled mess of a love life I have writhing at my toes. Because let me tell you, it is a mess. And yes you read the first statement right. Really I don't remember seeing him happy (giddy? skipping out of my office?) like I've seen him over the last week. Atleast not in the last months. But I've trained myself to have a cynical mind and in the broadest sense of the word I'm a touch of a player, or atleast leaning that way. I was planning on thoroughly enjoying myself this school year, prolly with the help of Tricia (a continuation of our mayhem from last year) and most likely a few randomly approved males met through out the semester. And then the one guy (there was actually only one) who could make me think twice about this plan has had me thinking about it for over 2 weeks now. I have Emily over here planning our wedding, his friend at the other end assuming I'm fair game, and 5 or 6 people (inlcuding myself) somewhere in the middle asking what the hell is going on. He said before he was patien and would le me figure out what I wanted, but I guess what I want is for him to make a decision for me? We need a talk. Where's my opportune moment?? I'm really trying to roll with the punches, but this seems to be an obstacle course. I always knew I was smart for thinking boys and relationships were way too much work. Why do we get so dumb with age??
Finally, 4 am, I'm tired. Try again. if at 5 I'm not asleep, I'm drinking till 6 so I can sleep for a couple hours before Mal takes me to school. She's driving. I can be drunk in class.
This was a very long winded entry. Sorry about that. Hopefully no one sat through and read all that because that was just the late night ramblings of a crazy girl. I spend an hour typing it though, and it will prolly make me groan in the morning, so i guess I'll post it.