why
Ro text me on sunday. keeps reminding me hes coming back to eastern. i know ur coming back. why? to try and make my life a living hell like u always do? He text me and told me to give him a call sometime this week. i said why. he said because im one of his best freinds, and we should catch up. i said if u wanna talk to me u can call me. he asked when i wake up and said "ok girlie ill give you a call sometime this week". I figured if he was going to call hed call today or tommorow. the sick thing i, now im kind of looking forward to it. This cant happen. i thought maybe i could handle being freinds with him here, but...i dont want to be thinking about him when im with billy. its not fair. and i dont tihnk about him qhen im with billy. But the point is...i should not look even a little forward to him calling, i cant do it. i want him away. i want him away from me. if he tries to contact me this yr. and hang out and stuff i cant do it. i do admit it feel nice to hear him say he wants to be with me etc..all that stuff he usually says after we havent hung out for awhile. but not because i want to be wiwth him, the fact is i dont. i have an seeming never ending attraction to him, but i dinot want to be with him. i would never be happy. hes no billy. i was the one that rejected him last time. not that he really tried that hard. i dont know what he wants. misses me? wants ppl to hang out with? who the fuck knows. Speaking of exes and my hell...justins cute shirt is still here. i want to return it to him. i hate looking at it now, makes me sad. i missed him tonight. i want to know that hes happy but i dont want to know much else. the amount of guilt i have for hurting him is enormous. and i hate it. but i know it ll make both of us happier in the long run. even tho im with billy i cant help missing him. our routine of just seeing eachother for a yr, being together. its so hard to just forget. he was right when he told me once he didnt think our breaku0p would last, like we'd eventually get bavk together. we wont but i dont blame ghim for thinking that. i thought that too. so did a buncha other ppl. we could of. but then id still have that feeling in me that i couldnt shake anymore towards the last few months. i dontknow i just... foind myself drifting off sometimes. i love him and hes still and will always be the most precous guy ive ever met. i cant ever call anothe guy precoius. i called him tonght to tell him i found his shirt. he was asking about it awhile ago. he messaged me about riding horses. i talked to my mom and she said shed get back to me. He didnt answer me or call me back yet so i left a message. I wonder what hes doing. Does it matter tho? None of my exes really matter. i mean as far as what their doing. i want justin to be happy and onlny the best for him but i dont need to know what hes doing. I wish billy was here to take these things off my mind. i have to remind myself itll all be ok. yrs from now these things wont linger in the front of my heart. yrs from now theyll be stored away forever. But i need to not talk to ro this yr. i need to not talk to him ever. keep him oiut of my mind.