Dont answer me.
I am finding that it is harder and harder to find people that I can talk to. I am not talking about people that I can trust with secrets, or people that I can talk about private things with, but people that I can have a general conversation with and be understood.
I am at the point where I am ready to stop speaking, go mute. It comes down to little things, the way people dont understand what I am saying, misconstrue what I am saying and twist it around to hurt me.
some examples.
Having coffee with two "girlfriends." I relate a conversation that I found amusing that I had had with a different girlfriend just a few days before about annulments. She happens to be getting a divorce and we had a good laugh about the whole Britney Spears annulment thing. I relate the amusing part of the conversation to my "girlfriends" during coffee. It appeared that we all found it funny.
A few hours later, I get a call from Matt demanding to know if I wanted an annulment because "that is what he heard."
I am recognized by a stranger in an elevator in a hotel where the two of us are staying. She proceeds to identify me after a little bit of time as "Matt Heaton's wife" but knows me by my own photograph and a post from AR that is about me. I tell her my name, we talk for about 10 minutes about this and that. The next day she calls out to me "Hey, Matt Heaton's wife!" -I am seriously miffed.
I relate this story to some people and I am told a few days later that I am basically demeaning to Matt because it upset me because I to not want to be referred to as "Matt Heaton's wife."
The one time I try to tell a little bit about myself to a friend, I talked about a period of my life where things did not go so well. I just talked about 10 minutes. It is a time frame just before Matt and I met. As with many things in my life, it is a time I would love to forget. That is the last time the two of us talked. It is also the last time the two of use spent any time alone together in the same room, if not by accident, but we can be together in a group.
These are just three instances that are sticking out in my heart right now as being particularly painful. Times where I didn't expect to be hurt in the way that I was. Why am I posting this? Because I never said anything, and I never do say anything. Maybe I should. Maybe no one gives a flying fuck, but right now I am supposed to be taking care of myself, not sitting here crying about not being understood by people and wondering what else I have said is being turned against me.
Who am I supposed to trust? I wish people would say thing when they happen so I can explain myself. I have lost a few friends recently over things I dont know about, and I wish I do know what it was about. They are people I care very much about and I dont have a clue what happened. I reread that email every few days and it still stabs me in the heart with just as much force as it did the first time I opened it.
What the fuck is going on? My only guess is that it has to be me. It seems I would be better off if I just stopped speaking. To everyone.
I am at the point where I am ready to stop speaking, go mute. It comes down to little things, the way people dont understand what I am saying, misconstrue what I am saying and twist it around to hurt me.
some examples.
Having coffee with two "girlfriends." I relate a conversation that I found amusing that I had had with a different girlfriend just a few days before about annulments. She happens to be getting a divorce and we had a good laugh about the whole Britney Spears annulment thing. I relate the amusing part of the conversation to my "girlfriends" during coffee. It appeared that we all found it funny.
A few hours later, I get a call from Matt demanding to know if I wanted an annulment because "that is what he heard."
I am recognized by a stranger in an elevator in a hotel where the two of us are staying. She proceeds to identify me after a little bit of time as "Matt Heaton's wife" but knows me by my own photograph and a post from AR that is about me. I tell her my name, we talk for about 10 minutes about this and that. The next day she calls out to me "Hey, Matt Heaton's wife!" -I am seriously miffed.
I relate this story to some people and I am told a few days later that I am basically demeaning to Matt because it upset me because I to not want to be referred to as "Matt Heaton's wife."
The one time I try to tell a little bit about myself to a friend, I talked about a period of my life where things did not go so well. I just talked about 10 minutes. It is a time frame just before Matt and I met. As with many things in my life, it is a time I would love to forget. That is the last time the two of us talked. It is also the last time the two of use spent any time alone together in the same room, if not by accident, but we can be together in a group.
These are just three instances that are sticking out in my heart right now as being particularly painful. Times where I didn't expect to be hurt in the way that I was. Why am I posting this? Because I never said anything, and I never do say anything. Maybe I should. Maybe no one gives a flying fuck, but right now I am supposed to be taking care of myself, not sitting here crying about not being understood by people and wondering what else I have said is being turned against me.
Who am I supposed to trust? I wish people would say thing when they happen so I can explain myself. I have lost a few friends recently over things I dont know about, and I wish I do know what it was about. They are people I care very much about and I dont have a clue what happened. I reread that email every few days and it still stabs me in the heart with just as much force as it did the first time I opened it.
What the fuck is going on? My only guess is that it has to be me. It seems I would be better off if I just stopped speaking. To everyone.