(no subject)
It's been a long time since the last time I posted something on here. I've been writing a lot more in my paper journal so I find writing in two places redundant and boring. I guess a short update on here would be good every once in a while. Even my friends page has been blank because others aren't writing. Maybe livejournal is just getting old.
Anyways....
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, though I am really struggling. I know what I am thankful for but completely expressing it when I am quite depressed is difficult. A couple days ago I made the decision that Mike and I should take a month or two apart from each other to work on ourselves. We both even changed our facebook status' to single. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make because I still love him sooooo much. I'm just not sure that we're on the same page or headed in the same direction. He's 3 years younger than me and I wonder if that has something to do with it too. I'm so confused. Since our last conversation all I've been doing is thinking about him and questioning myself if I made the right choice. I feel lost. And it's hard to talk about with my parents because they see this as a good thing. At least my mom understands how hard it is for me. She knows how much I love him. Whenever I'm at my computer I check his facebook page.....which I need to stop. He hasn't even been online that I know of. I told him we shouldn't talk at all, but that's so hard to do when he's been my best friend for over 2 years. And it's the holidays and his birthday is in a couple weeks. My heart feels like its being ripped out of my chest and my stomach is hurting so bad. I'm like making myself sick over this. And with all of this said, something....something is telling me I made the right decision. That something doesn't make this any easier though. I wish I could see into the future to know what was going to happen so I could stop all this worrying. I'm such a mess.
I don't want to write anymore. I'm sounding so pathetic. Maybe that's why I keep my writing mostly to my paper journal now. haha
Anyways....
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, though I am really struggling. I know what I am thankful for but completely expressing it when I am quite depressed is difficult. A couple days ago I made the decision that Mike and I should take a month or two apart from each other to work on ourselves. We both even changed our facebook status' to single. It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make because I still love him sooooo much. I'm just not sure that we're on the same page or headed in the same direction. He's 3 years younger than me and I wonder if that has something to do with it too. I'm so confused. Since our last conversation all I've been doing is thinking about him and questioning myself if I made the right choice. I feel lost. And it's hard to talk about with my parents because they see this as a good thing. At least my mom understands how hard it is for me. She knows how much I love him. Whenever I'm at my computer I check his facebook page.....which I need to stop. He hasn't even been online that I know of. I told him we shouldn't talk at all, but that's so hard to do when he's been my best friend for over 2 years. And it's the holidays and his birthday is in a couple weeks. My heart feels like its being ripped out of my chest and my stomach is hurting so bad. I'm like making myself sick over this. And with all of this said, something....something is telling me I made the right decision. That something doesn't make this any easier though. I wish I could see into the future to know what was going to happen so I could stop all this worrying. I'm such a mess.
I don't want to write anymore. I'm sounding so pathetic. Maybe that's why I keep my writing mostly to my paper journal now. haha