Dream
Dreamed that I was pregnant and I didn't know who the father was. It is way too early, by the way, to know if I really am pregnant (My IUD makes it essentially impossible anyway, unless it were a ectopic pregnancy) because my last period was literally about a week ago. But somehow, my mother and I could tell from all of these obscure women-medicine signs that my body was giving off.
I remember that I was going to carry the baby to term and then give it up for adoption, because I somehow knew that it was really special, and I had to let it be born. Not only that, but I had to take really good care of it while I was hosting it. I was really upset that I couldn't have any alcohol or coffee or green or black tea. I was very depressed, because I've never EVER wanted to be pregnant, and there was a chance the father was someone I really really care about who I would never be able to tell, and all I wanted was a cup of tea and I couldn't have one.
At first I was living in a little cabin on the beach with my mother and my sister, and my chosen Hooligan brother and sister, but there were too few rooms and too much tension, so even though I was being cared for by my whole family like some ideal tribe looking after their soiled daughter, I ran away. I went walking down the side of a long highway on hills by a river, and then I caught a bus and rode it, just a little too far, past this huge park. And I ran back down the highway to the park, and I climbed up hilly paths and waited in the playground with the old trees, until my brother came to get me, and said I couldn't live there.
So I tried to run away to California, to Mills college, so I could be pregnant in my amazon community. But the way to Mills was down a long path and through a cave on the beach, and there was a man guarding the path. He touched my hair when I passed him and I turned on him and snapped that I hadn't given him permission to touch me, and he replied snidely that I had obviously already made myself accommodating, and he couldn't be blamed for taking advantage. He made me so angry I shoved him to the ground and stood on his neck, but he got away and he took me to trial, and no one at the trial cared about my side of the story, and they wouldn't let me go anywhere, they wanted to monitor me at all times until I had my baby.
So I ran away to live in the woods alone.
I also dreamed on and off of a tiger spirit in the shape of a human, who was devouring people in their rooms at night. I remember slamming my window closed to keep him out, and the glass was broken and I was trying to push it into place without cutting my hands, the tiger spirit was just a few feet away and I knew the window wouldn't keep him out so I wished myself into another dream.
I was at an aquarium, but it was never technically me, I was viewing it through all of these different points of view, a young man, like an adolescent, and his older brother, and an old man who worked cleaning the aquarium. There were huge translucent fish, like angelfish but almost invisible and as big a person's torso. And strange skinny blue fish which moved by flipping end over end across the tank. There was also a predatory creature in the tank you couldn't see, but occasionally there would be a cloud of blood where another fish had been.
Sometimes in the room, and sometimes standing in the tank, was this very tall man. Unnaturally tall and thin, wearing a suit with tails and a top hat, with a tiny mask on, one that was way too small for someone that tall, and no face emerged from underneath. It was as if the mask and top hat were all that he had, no head at all.
The boy and his older brother were having an argument, and the top-hat man switched them into each-others bodies.
This was when I came into the dream, because I knew the top-hat man, he was a meddler. And I often had to undo his work. I had an ancient stone carving, like a tombstone or an arch over a doorway, with symbols of all sorts off different spirits you could call on, with different powers, some were helpful and some were tricky and some where malevolent, you had to know who to call for what, and what you would have to offer to seek their help, or what tricks you would have to use to get the ill-intentioned ones to do your will.
I called a shapeshifter and it came into my body like a ghost, through my back and the scar on my shoulder, which stung like it was new. The shapeshifter spirit was something like the tiger spirit from my other dream, but more both more familiar and less human at the same time.
I remember that I was going to carry the baby to term and then give it up for adoption, because I somehow knew that it was really special, and I had to let it be born. Not only that, but I had to take really good care of it while I was hosting it. I was really upset that I couldn't have any alcohol or coffee or green or black tea. I was very depressed, because I've never EVER wanted to be pregnant, and there was a chance the father was someone I really really care about who I would never be able to tell, and all I wanted was a cup of tea and I couldn't have one.
At first I was living in a little cabin on the beach with my mother and my sister, and my chosen Hooligan brother and sister, but there were too few rooms and too much tension, so even though I was being cared for by my whole family like some ideal tribe looking after their soiled daughter, I ran away. I went walking down the side of a long highway on hills by a river, and then I caught a bus and rode it, just a little too far, past this huge park. And I ran back down the highway to the park, and I climbed up hilly paths and waited in the playground with the old trees, until my brother came to get me, and said I couldn't live there.
So I tried to run away to California, to Mills college, so I could be pregnant in my amazon community. But the way to Mills was down a long path and through a cave on the beach, and there was a man guarding the path. He touched my hair when I passed him and I turned on him and snapped that I hadn't given him permission to touch me, and he replied snidely that I had obviously already made myself accommodating, and he couldn't be blamed for taking advantage. He made me so angry I shoved him to the ground and stood on his neck, but he got away and he took me to trial, and no one at the trial cared about my side of the story, and they wouldn't let me go anywhere, they wanted to monitor me at all times until I had my baby.
So I ran away to live in the woods alone.
I also dreamed on and off of a tiger spirit in the shape of a human, who was devouring people in their rooms at night. I remember slamming my window closed to keep him out, and the glass was broken and I was trying to push it into place without cutting my hands, the tiger spirit was just a few feet away and I knew the window wouldn't keep him out so I wished myself into another dream.
I was at an aquarium, but it was never technically me, I was viewing it through all of these different points of view, a young man, like an adolescent, and his older brother, and an old man who worked cleaning the aquarium. There were huge translucent fish, like angelfish but almost invisible and as big a person's torso. And strange skinny blue fish which moved by flipping end over end across the tank. There was also a predatory creature in the tank you couldn't see, but occasionally there would be a cloud of blood where another fish had been.
Sometimes in the room, and sometimes standing in the tank, was this very tall man. Unnaturally tall and thin, wearing a suit with tails and a top hat, with a tiny mask on, one that was way too small for someone that tall, and no face emerged from underneath. It was as if the mask and top hat were all that he had, no head at all.
The boy and his older brother were having an argument, and the top-hat man switched them into each-others bodies.
This was when I came into the dream, because I knew the top-hat man, he was a meddler. And I often had to undo his work. I had an ancient stone carving, like a tombstone or an arch over a doorway, with symbols of all sorts off different spirits you could call on, with different powers, some were helpful and some were tricky and some where malevolent, you had to know who to call for what, and what you would have to offer to seek their help, or what tricks you would have to use to get the ill-intentioned ones to do your will.
I called a shapeshifter and it came into my body like a ghost, through my back and the scar on my shoulder, which stung like it was new. The shapeshifter spirit was something like the tiger spirit from my other dream, but more both more familiar and less human at the same time.