yikes
Wow yesterday was probably one of the worst days i've had in a long time...
its funny how sometimes you can just wake up depressed..Sunday i saw Britt (matts ex) at walmart..then sunday night i had a dream that i asked him if he was still in love with her and he said yes, and broke up with me..holy dreams feel real sometimes. So i seriously woke up feeling like it was real and from then on the day just got worse..while i was at matts sunday i saw some IM on his phone from a girl saying she wanted to see him and crap. i think i blew smoke out of my ears i was so upset. of course i didnt tell him i saw it becuase thats like freakin snooping around but the thought of him cheating on me crossed my mind.but anyway, matt called me monday on his lunch break but was in a bad mood.. i don't know why little things bother me but seroiusly his bad mood make me so upset that i turned off my phone bc i just didn't want to talk to him for the rest of the day. I went home from work and showered and i literally was like on the verge of tears and i didn't even have a reason for it..I just told my mom i wasn't feeling good and i had been about to cry all day and shes like why! and of course, i cried. so....about 10 mins later my mom comes in my room and says "you know, if you ever need to tell me anything i am here.." She thought i was pregnant...lol..i told her i was smarter than that and that i had an appt saturday to go and get on bc and stuff..of course she wanted to know why i didn't tell her and why i didnt go to our normal doctor..but the truth is, i havent even said the word sex around my parents and the thought of them knowing that i do it, doesn't appeal to me much. But- now she knows and shes just happy i'm being safe..she said she figured matt and i were becasue we are very "seroius" Oddly enough it was like a huge relief for me because i feel so much better being able to tell my mom and stuff. i told her not to tell my dad but of course she did, and i don't mind..just the thought of them knowing kinda gives me the squirms.. Its deffinately that time of the month which probably explains why i'm so emotinal but yesterday was deffinately weird.. meanwhile, since i had turned my phone off matt couldn't get a hold of me and i had put up an away message saying i was out somewhere getting my mind off things..which normally means i'm at the beach..so-- i turn my phone back on at 7 and i had about 3 texts from matt asking where i was and stuff..so i called him and hes like WHERE ARE YOU?! by then i was back at home..he said he was out the causeway looking for me :( so he came over and we just sat around and talked and then went to the mall..and ended up at his house watching Basic and he just held me for like 2 hours. it was nice..made me feel safe i guess.. Sometimes i just feel like maybe he doesn't appreciate me enough but i think its the fact that nothing bothers him, and EVERYTHING bothers me. How do you grow thicker skin? and how do you let things not ruin your day? i guess its a secret of life i'm going to have to figure out..
on another depressing note..i've been looking at the radiography web site seeing when i can apply again.. i got all nervous that my grades weren't good enough to get in..granted i have a 3.5 but do you know how mnay people apply to that program? and only 27 get in! and dibs go to people with the highest GPA..so at dinner about a week ago my mom, dad and i were talking about it and i told my dad that i could apply again in oct. and i told him i was worried my grades weren't as good as i'd like them to be and of course he started with the whole "YOU SLACKED IN SCHOOL SO MUCH, LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SLACK AT ALL, WHATS YOUR GPA?" so i tell him its a 3.5 and hes like THATS TERRIBLE, ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH..and of course i go, I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH and proceed to ball like a baby... my dad knows how to get me everytime and grr..it makes me mad..of course hes like OMG I'M JUST KIDDING, 3.5 IS GREAT! why are you crying?! blah blah..so yah i made him feel like a jack ass but he deserved it.. so yah, i'm completely worried sick about not getting into the program again but i dunno i guess the world will unfold as it should.
i miss kmb to death..not to mention holly brown and Chrissy in cali.. i want my girls back, i want to be back in senior year playing volleyball and being with everyone..i guess i want to go back to the place i swore i would NEVER EVER want to be again...
so-- i guess the thought for today is "don't let little things ruin your day, and don't sweat the small stuff"
hope everyone is doing good..i miss you all so leave me a comment to say hi.
its funny how sometimes you can just wake up depressed..Sunday i saw Britt (matts ex) at walmart..then sunday night i had a dream that i asked him if he was still in love with her and he said yes, and broke up with me..holy dreams feel real sometimes. So i seriously woke up feeling like it was real and from then on the day just got worse..while i was at matts sunday i saw some IM on his phone from a girl saying she wanted to see him and crap. i think i blew smoke out of my ears i was so upset. of course i didnt tell him i saw it becuase thats like freakin snooping around but the thought of him cheating on me crossed my mind.but anyway, matt called me monday on his lunch break but was in a bad mood.. i don't know why little things bother me but seroiusly his bad mood make me so upset that i turned off my phone bc i just didn't want to talk to him for the rest of the day. I went home from work and showered and i literally was like on the verge of tears and i didn't even have a reason for it..I just told my mom i wasn't feeling good and i had been about to cry all day and shes like why! and of course, i cried. so....about 10 mins later my mom comes in my room and says "you know, if you ever need to tell me anything i am here.." She thought i was pregnant...lol..i told her i was smarter than that and that i had an appt saturday to go and get on bc and stuff..of course she wanted to know why i didn't tell her and why i didnt go to our normal doctor..but the truth is, i havent even said the word sex around my parents and the thought of them knowing that i do it, doesn't appeal to me much. But- now she knows and shes just happy i'm being safe..she said she figured matt and i were becasue we are very "seroius" Oddly enough it was like a huge relief for me because i feel so much better being able to tell my mom and stuff. i told her not to tell my dad but of course she did, and i don't mind..just the thought of them knowing kinda gives me the squirms.. Its deffinately that time of the month which probably explains why i'm so emotinal but yesterday was deffinately weird.. meanwhile, since i had turned my phone off matt couldn't get a hold of me and i had put up an away message saying i was out somewhere getting my mind off things..which normally means i'm at the beach..so-- i turn my phone back on at 7 and i had about 3 texts from matt asking where i was and stuff..so i called him and hes like WHERE ARE YOU?! by then i was back at home..he said he was out the causeway looking for me :( so he came over and we just sat around and talked and then went to the mall..and ended up at his house watching Basic and he just held me for like 2 hours. it was nice..made me feel safe i guess.. Sometimes i just feel like maybe he doesn't appreciate me enough but i think its the fact that nothing bothers him, and EVERYTHING bothers me. How do you grow thicker skin? and how do you let things not ruin your day? i guess its a secret of life i'm going to have to figure out..
on another depressing note..i've been looking at the radiography web site seeing when i can apply again.. i got all nervous that my grades weren't good enough to get in..granted i have a 3.5 but do you know how mnay people apply to that program? and only 27 get in! and dibs go to people with the highest GPA..so at dinner about a week ago my mom, dad and i were talking about it and i told my dad that i could apply again in oct. and i told him i was worried my grades weren't as good as i'd like them to be and of course he started with the whole "YOU SLACKED IN SCHOOL SO MUCH, LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME YOU DIDN'T SLACK AT ALL, WHATS YOUR GPA?" so i tell him its a 3.5 and hes like THATS TERRIBLE, ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH..and of course i go, I KNOW ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH and proceed to ball like a baby... my dad knows how to get me everytime and grr..it makes me mad..of course hes like OMG I'M JUST KIDDING, 3.5 IS GREAT! why are you crying?! blah blah..so yah i made him feel like a jack ass but he deserved it.. so yah, i'm completely worried sick about not getting into the program again but i dunno i guess the world will unfold as it should.
i miss kmb to death..not to mention holly brown and Chrissy in cali.. i want my girls back, i want to be back in senior year playing volleyball and being with everyone..i guess i want to go back to the place i swore i would NEVER EVER want to be again...
so-- i guess the thought for today is "don't let little things ruin your day, and don't sweat the small stuff"
hope everyone is doing good..i miss you all so leave me a comment to say hi.