EMERY
so yesterday after relaxing and not really doing much on my day off i headed to tampa with the crew (Nate, Ry, Greg, scene kid) to tampa for the Emery concert. I swear Emery will always be my favorite eventho last nights show wasn't their best..they still rock my world.
i finally got brave enough to actually go and stand in the crowd..we were right ont he edge of the mosh pit=death. "i can see the fear in your eyes" greg, ryan, and nate all surrounded me to protect me. i felt loved but i also felt bad becuase i feel like i made them have less fun becuase they were all worried about me. During walls=hard core moshing..jordan pulled me infront of him to protect me because i was getting worked. hehe..THANKS JORDAN! the whole time i could see nate and ry and greg just looking back at me making sure i was ok..thanks boys <3 i really only got scared once because this dude with like a nija mask on was being a homo and like freakin hitting people and then the damn singer goes "if you don't blah blah HIT THE FUCKING PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN THE FACE" i was like wtf..then of course everyone went nuts. i just grabbed onto nates hand and held on. i felt like if i held onto him he would protect me. i just kept saying to myself..don't lose your feet. i knew if i lost my stance that i'd be done. heh..but scene kid is hilarious and it was a very good night with all my favorite boys..
i'm sick of not writing stuff in this thing just because i know that people will read it so i'm just going to put whatever is in my head because it always makes me feel better....
so things are "black and white" with me and nate that we are not together..but i can't freakin help it. i love the kid. when i'm not with him or when i don't talk to him for a few days i miss him and it makes his smile that much brighter when i see him and i love spending time with him and being around him. i love that he loves me for who i am. i love knowing that no one will ever love me as much as he will. i love knowing i will always get flowers and cards and that i can just go and watch a sunset with him. i love that his friends are awesome and his cat kneeds...that he got his eyebrow pierced and turned scene. i love that he tries in school just to make me happy and won't make me listen to underoath if i don't want to. i love that my parents adore him and he calls my dad petey. i love that my parents say "we miss nate" and knowing that i feel the same way. but i hate changing my mind and getting scared. i've been talking with James at work a lot, and i do admit that i had a crush on him but the more i sat and thought about it the more i began to realize that i would never have the connection that i have with nate. i know that nate will love me regardless more than anyone in the whole world could with no questions asked just becuase i'm me. but why the hell can't i just commit and be happy. i change my mind too often but when it comes down to it no matter how many times we break up i still love him. i think some areas of our realtionship scare me because i'm his first girlfriend and it scares me..and sometimes stuff changes..i always think there is this big world out there that i haven't gotten to experience yet which makes me scared to commit..Nate says that in order to commit you have to know how to spell it..and gods to honest truth, i just had to ask jess how to spell it..i know that things won't get better than nate yet i refuse to let myself be with him. what do you do when you love someone but are scared of hurting them? The thought of nate being with another girls makes me freakin pissed off. i get so damn angry and i feel like someone just hit me in the stomach..fuck....i hate life sometimes...
"3 sleepless nights, this isn't how its supose to be"
so i just got done with work and now i have some homework to get done..my mind is elsewhere and somehow i have to get grounded back on earth.
only 3 more weeks til i turn 19..damnit i'm old.
i finally got brave enough to actually go and stand in the crowd..we were right ont he edge of the mosh pit=death. "i can see the fear in your eyes" greg, ryan, and nate all surrounded me to protect me. i felt loved but i also felt bad becuase i feel like i made them have less fun becuase they were all worried about me. During walls=hard core moshing..jordan pulled me infront of him to protect me because i was getting worked. hehe..THANKS JORDAN! the whole time i could see nate and ry and greg just looking back at me making sure i was ok..thanks boys <3 i really only got scared once because this dude with like a nija mask on was being a homo and like freakin hitting people and then the damn singer goes "if you don't blah blah HIT THE FUCKING PERSON NEXT TO YOU IN THE FACE" i was like wtf..then of course everyone went nuts. i just grabbed onto nates hand and held on. i felt like if i held onto him he would protect me. i just kept saying to myself..don't lose your feet. i knew if i lost my stance that i'd be done. heh..but scene kid is hilarious and it was a very good night with all my favorite boys..
i'm sick of not writing stuff in this thing just because i know that people will read it so i'm just going to put whatever is in my head because it always makes me feel better....
so things are "black and white" with me and nate that we are not together..but i can't freakin help it. i love the kid. when i'm not with him or when i don't talk to him for a few days i miss him and it makes his smile that much brighter when i see him and i love spending time with him and being around him. i love that he loves me for who i am. i love knowing that no one will ever love me as much as he will. i love knowing i will always get flowers and cards and that i can just go and watch a sunset with him. i love that his friends are awesome and his cat kneeds...that he got his eyebrow pierced and turned scene. i love that he tries in school just to make me happy and won't make me listen to underoath if i don't want to. i love that my parents adore him and he calls my dad petey. i love that my parents say "we miss nate" and knowing that i feel the same way. but i hate changing my mind and getting scared. i've been talking with James at work a lot, and i do admit that i had a crush on him but the more i sat and thought about it the more i began to realize that i would never have the connection that i have with nate. i know that nate will love me regardless more than anyone in the whole world could with no questions asked just becuase i'm me. but why the hell can't i just commit and be happy. i change my mind too often but when it comes down to it no matter how many times we break up i still love him. i think some areas of our realtionship scare me because i'm his first girlfriend and it scares me..and sometimes stuff changes..i always think there is this big world out there that i haven't gotten to experience yet which makes me scared to commit..Nate says that in order to commit you have to know how to spell it..and gods to honest truth, i just had to ask jess how to spell it..i know that things won't get better than nate yet i refuse to let myself be with him. what do you do when you love someone but are scared of hurting them? The thought of nate being with another girls makes me freakin pissed off. i get so damn angry and i feel like someone just hit me in the stomach..fuck....i hate life sometimes...
"3 sleepless nights, this isn't how its supose to be"
so i just got done with work and now i have some homework to get done..my mind is elsewhere and somehow i have to get grounded back on earth.
only 3 more weeks til i turn 19..damnit i'm old.