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Life is alright with me. I can't remember the last time I was actually looking forward to all the class is would be taking. It's basically a bunch of random stuff I thought might be helpful. I'm going to try and change my major to art but haven't quite done that yet...i will by the end of the semester i'm sure
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I tripped over this journal today while trying to distract myself at work.
You're correct I didn't understand, and I still don't. One of the comments you'll hear me make to people is "If I don't see it, it doesn't exist."
My reason for pushing you back in February to show up wasn't to make you practice more. I had hoped to be able to sit down with you and discuss what you were doing at the time, but that all blew up in my face. I knew that things were difficult for you last spring and I was hoping to help you find some balance between fencing and school. In fact, I was going to suggest that you reduce the lessons to only a couple that you could make with some consistency.
Unfortunately, you wouldn't talk to me about anything and things spiraled downward.
I've discussed ways to help you on several occasions with Dave. He's suggested that you need to take a year off from fencing to get your life in order. I didn't agree with him when he first suggested it, but time has made me see the logic of his idea. I think that he likes having around to much to suggest it to you, however.
Since we had our little meltdown I've made a point out of trying to invite you to something once a month as an opportunity to maybe start a dialog again. I come with something I think will be safe and make an offer. Your typical response has been to find new ways to let me know that you think I'm a loser.
I'm not inviting you this month, however. My ego is a little too bruised to handle whatever new way you'll come up with to call me a loser. Having Dave lie to me about your birthday and having you all secretly plan a trip to Canada to avoid me hurt a lot. To be honest, right now I find myself avoiding talking to you at practice I just can't handle any putdowns at the moment.
In spite the troubles of the last 6 months I still want the best for you. If it helps at all, I'm very sorry if I've added to your troubles. Someday, if you want to talk things out (without Dave, Wayne, etc.) I would like the opportunity to put things right between us. I'll leave that up to you, however.
Tom
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