and now for a slightly more coherent and detailed review of the X-Files movie
NY ♥ XF
Let's get the negatives out of the way first:
1// Okay, this is not the movie's fault but I'm going to bitch about it anyway. THERE WERE TOO MANY GODDAMN PREVIEWS BEFORE THIS MOVIE. And each one looked worse than the one that came before it. The audience was losing its patience--in fact we started booing the previews pretty quickly. And on top of that, they had the audacity to put a commercial for "The Closer," claiming it's the "#1 Drama Series of All Time." WHAT. THE X-FILES IS THE #1 DRAMA SERIES OF ALL TIME, BITCHES. GET IT RIGHT. & STFD KYRA SEDGWICK. I don't know anyone who watches that show.
2// On to the plot! The case itself was meh. It wasn't even a real X-file! The only thing that made it an X-file was the priest having psychic visions. I guess it was creepy and suspenseful, but I think they should have stuck with aliens. Really, CC, you couldn't come up with anything better? No wonder Scully kept telling Mulder to walk away. Even she knew it was irrelevant!
3// X-hibit failed to pimp my ride. I don't think he was as bad as the reviews make him out to be, I actually thought the monotone delivery was part of his character. Also, he only had a total of about 15 lines, so his part wasn't even big enough to discuss. *pats Xhibit* And his real name is Alvin? LOL there goes his street cred. Also, where was his rap song? :(
4// Amanda Peet, however, I wanted to punch in the face. She was so annoying. SHE CALLED HIM FOX. Quite fitting she bit the dust soon after.
5// PEDOBEAR PUTS HIS SEAL OF APPROVAL ON THIS FILM. Father Joe is his favorite character.
Srsly, why did he have to be a pedophile priest? In fact there seemed to be a lot of moral-thumping going on (not that I disagree with the morals, just, why is an X-files movie being used as a platform for this?)
6// In fact I could have lived without the whole ~Doctor Scully saving the little boy~ subplot. Ok so in the end they vaguely tied it to the X-file case, but I feel it was a huge setup just for the link to be "oh! Scully figures out who the bad guys are because of her piles of Google research!!!" We sat through all that emo angst just for that? Ugh.
7// Which brings me to the thing that bugged me the most:
SINCE WHEN IS SCULLY A SURGEON???
I don't know much about the medical profession, but somehow I find it highly doubtful that someone who went straight from med school to the FBI, and has never done an internship or residency and spent 9 years primarily cutting up corpses, to all of a sudden be doing intense experimental BRAIN SURGERY ON CHILDREN. WTF!!! She had to GOOGLE stem cell research, instead of being already aware of the latest journal articles. FAIL. I was expecting Scully to be back at Quantico teaching n00bs how to do autopsies, or working for a coroner's office, or ok, I can even swallow her being a hospital administrator. But SURGERY?
CUDDY WOULD NOT APPROVE >:O
8// Remember this photo? I don't remember seeing this scene in the movie:
BOOO. WTF.
Okay, time for the good parts:
1// MULDER AND SCULLY IN BED TOGETHER. MAKING OUT. OK, IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN HAWT SEXXORS, BUT THEY LIVE TOGETHER! AND SHARE A BED! AND HAVE IMPLIED SEX! :DDDD I nearly fell off my stadium seating. My shipper heart has waited so long.
Did anyone else catch the book on the nightstand next to Scully? Beautiful WASPs Having Sex, by an author named Carter. OMFG trufax.
2// They were so perfect in this movie. I didn't get the feeling they had any problems picking up where they left off.
3// Mulder's little snarky comments throughout the movie. ♥
4// Mulder's home office was so perfect, with the news clippings all over the walls. Our little hermit. (I could have lived without the lumberjack beard though (is he channeling Vincent D'Onofrio or something?)...thankfully for us Scully wasn't having it either.)
5// "Your stubbornness...that's what made me fall in love with you." ♥♥♥♥♥♥ OMG
6// "Then you need to find someone with the BALLS to help me!" ILU SCULLY. And then who comes, but SKINNER!!!! And he cuddles Mulder! sdfslfksjdofisj!!!
7// I also loved the little shoutouts to XF producers throughout the movie..."Manners-something Hospital", "Nutter's Animal Feed", "Shiban" appearing on Mulder's cell phone XD
8// I KNEW Scully would have a crackberry! I have to admit it was fun seeing that and her Googling. It ain't 1994 anymore, kids! Mulder should have been rockin' an iPod listening to Xhibit
9// I like their little house in the middle of nowhere. It's very fitting for them. And I think it makes a lot of sense that they are unmarried. And yet Scully works with a bunch of nuns...if only they knew of her fornication!
10// THE PHOTO OF BUSH. And the music. ROTFLMAO!
11// As much as the case was weak, I thought the movie had a lot of suspense, which I liked. I knew in my head that everything would turn out okay in the end, and yet I was still at the edge of my seat all, "OMG HE'S GOING TO CHOP MULDER'S HEAD OFF OMG HE'S GOING TO CHOP MULDER'S HEAD OFF SCULLAAAAAAAAAY!!!"
12// THEY STILL CALL EACH OTHER MULDER AND SCULLY. ahhhhhhh I love it! ♥♥♥ I did actually have a teeny weeny hope that she would call him Fox for once--he did call her Dana at one point--but she didn't, and hell, that's okay.
13// The way he kept wanting Scully to be involved in the case. Especially since Peet kept fangirling over Mulder and ignoring Scully. "I'm only half the team." AWWWW! Finally, Mulder, only took you 15 years to figure THAT out! ♥
14// When I was watching the film, it was annoying me that they were being so slow and vague in revealing what M&S's relationship status is, but now that I look back I like how it was done. It was secondary to the plot, as it should, and not in-your-face. It was very natural. They're not mushy PDA people anyway.
15// HAVE I MENTIONED THE KISSING? THERE WAS KISSING. AND IT WAS AMAZING.
16// I wish the movie would have ended with Mulder and Scully's heart to heart ("If you have any doubts, don't go today. We'll leave and get away from the darkness, just the two of us" omg mulder ♥) And not with her back in the stupid O.R. with creepy nuns gawking at her. BUT OH. THE CREDITS. With them on a boat! (is this a shoutout to us shippers?!) I WANT AN ICON OF THAT SHOT SO BAD.
17// THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. :D I'm so happy for them.
Overall I had an amazing time. I think I actually went into it expecting to be disappointed, especially since the first reviews were so negative, so I found myself so pleasantly surprised. I could come up with eleventy billion things I would have wanted to see in this film, but like with the HP movies, you can only fit so much. Maybe that's why I love it while other people don't? It exceeded my low expectations? IDK. I want to see it again, (and AGAIN AND AGAIN) but someone needs to bootleg that shit because I can't afford more $12 tickets D:
I'm sure I'm going to remember more stuff later, so check back for updates! Also, link me to your reviews!