randomness
Ya know, I know it's only been a couple of days, but tonight, I find myself here so upset and so hurt. It's like.. my stomach hurts, and it's all I can think about.
How could he do this to me? The only one that has stood beside him, through everything? I mean honestly... Do I not deserved to be loved, fully? 100%?
I think I should go get medicated... he went out with a friend tonight to the ball game, and I don't want to go to sleep, even though I have to be up at 4:45, because I want to see if he kept his promise to not drink. I also want to do our devotion and pray before we go to bed.
I gave him a full list of things I expect from him. Little by little he can start to mend our relationship, and my trust by doing these things.
We keep waiting on a counselor to call us back... I need to start talking to someone, and I can't really tell anyone. The only people that know are a couple of people from work, my best friend and a close friend in Florida. If they live here, and know Josh, I can't tell them.
I'm embarrassed to even tell the people I've told. I feel my self esteem and self respect slowly slipping away. I can't help but think.. if I looked better, if I did this, or if I did that... maybe he wouldn't have done it.
I really want to know how long its been going on, and would like to know why it started in the first place.
Someone, save me...
How could he do this to me? The only one that has stood beside him, through everything? I mean honestly... Do I not deserved to be loved, fully? 100%?
I think I should go get medicated... he went out with a friend tonight to the ball game, and I don't want to go to sleep, even though I have to be up at 4:45, because I want to see if he kept his promise to not drink. I also want to do our devotion and pray before we go to bed.
I gave him a full list of things I expect from him. Little by little he can start to mend our relationship, and my trust by doing these things.
We keep waiting on a counselor to call us back... I need to start talking to someone, and I can't really tell anyone. The only people that know are a couple of people from work, my best friend and a close friend in Florida. If they live here, and know Josh, I can't tell them.
I'm embarrassed to even tell the people I've told. I feel my self esteem and self respect slowly slipping away. I can't help but think.. if I looked better, if I did this, or if I did that... maybe he wouldn't have done it.
I really want to know how long its been going on, and would like to know why it started in the first place.
Someone, save me...