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Well, now that we're all no longer saying very questionable-and-rather-perverted things, growing extra appendages, getting glued together in compromising positions, or doing anything else to traumatize Daddy, please don't invent new methods just for art's sake - it's time to focus on our etiquette lessons!
As thekidsare0kay brought it to my attention, we're technically all aliens to each other here, isn't that right? So, there's no need to be impolite, is there? On the contrary, we should try to come together in love, peace, harmony and rainbows. Unless it's a Tuesday. Tuesday is pink day.
Unfortunately, language is packed with cultural values, and sometimes true meanings can be lost in translation. Because of that, and taking away from his vast experiences of bonding with cruel, vicious, but well-meaning ALIIIIEEEEEENNNNSSSS!!! -- Daddy's put together a handy-dandy:
ALIEN CONVERSATION GUIDE
Take notes, everyone! Some of this might seem familiar, but I guarantee, you probably never thought to consider these words from such an enlightened perspective!
♦ 'We plan to take over your planet.' = 'We enjoy your home very, very much.'
Aliens appreciate nature, and will instantly fall for the appeal of foreign sights. Don't worry if they seem intent on your garden gnome! They only mean to pulverize it! Or marry it.
♦ 'You are hereby our slaves.' = '...in the ways of fashion!'
As their very, very, very startling aspect might suggest, aliens are noted couture lovers. They would love to provide for you with extra limbs, eyes, or tongues!
♦ 'You will be the subjects of our experiments.' = 'Every chef has to start somewhere, and we'd love for you to try our Earth-adapted cuisine!'
This one should be obvious, right? And if you ask me, quite generous. Like the wise and noble commoners, aliens only want to share what little they have, with no consideration to their personal needs! It's heroic, generous, and most of all - kind!
♦ 'Leave no one alive.' = '...who hasn't seen the newest Armani Spring collection.' If you ask Daddy, that's perfectly reasonable.
♦ 'We will take no prisoners.' = '...because we're here to make best friends forever, instead!'
♦ 'We are preparing our lasers.' = 'Our spaceships run on advanced technology that need a little bit of preparation time before takeoff!'
♦ 'Run, puny humans! Run!' = 'Exercise is always good for you! Just look at Membranous Mai, slithering by at her advanced age. It's sport that's ensured she'd live past her third world-ending war!'
This has only been a brief tutorial, but I hope it was helpful. After all, when coming into contact with new, homicidal cultures, it's best to take it slowly. Remember: aliens are our friends. The more tentacles, the merrier!