JoAnna?
I was updating the links on my site, when I came across good ole Jake's site. My first impression was "pink". That's interesting. My second opinion was what is this--> He's doing a cd with Justin?? Now, I find this odd . . . but I'll move off that point to keep the ounce of RESPECT I have for Mr.Brown from getting tarnished. So, on to my thoughts about Justin.
Hmm...Justin. Who is the Justin guy I dated? Did I really love him? Did I ever know him. A million thoughts crossed my mind. I clicked on a link that lead to a 'Lycos' powered site with his downloads. I looked at the picture of him. I felt no longing. I felt no "Oh the memories are great..". I felt rage. This isn't a normal emotion for me, so I felt it worthy to write about.
I'm Jenna. I cry.
I'm not normally a girl who wants to kick some ass. I'm a wimp. I'm a pasifist. You'll never imagine the things I was thinking though. I felt betrayed. I felt like screaming.
Stan accused me of still having feelings for him. I say this to you- Can't a person just show some rage because the feeling is a big huge 'FUCK YOU'. Yah, I'm not sure if I've said that before, but- 'FUCK YOU'. As for you StanleyBear, you know I have no love for him. Don't be silly, and don't ever say I do again. That hurt me. It hurt me that you may believe it. It pissed me off the people may think that. No, I have no room in my life for cheating, lying, manipulative boys who want to be rock stars. No love for boys who tell people I fucking slept with them, when Lord knows we never went there. I have nothing but fucking anger for the bastard that cried to me for hours on the phone, then left me without any sign of why.
I abhor the fact I dried out his roses and kept them so long. I feel dirty that I ever tasted his lips {that his lips tasted mine}. I don't understand why the world seems to honor someone who goes through life feeding off others like a vampire on a search for a fucking person to love them. Then what do they do, they run like God-Damn hell.
....Eatting my trust. Eatting my self image. Eatting my ability to feel love and I wish I could just hit something. I wish I could get back everything I lost to him. I wish I could trust. I wish I could feel the love that's around me. I hate him, because everyday I get in fights with my lover---because I'm afraid he'll do to me this shit that Justin did. This leaving. I'm fucking pissed off that the idea has to be in my mind. I can't write anymore right now.
Points are-->
liars and backstabs suck ass.
I love my Stan and only Stan whom I wish I could trust better.
Who I also wish I could be more free for.
{I cry because I can't be free. I cry because I'm stuck inside this bubble of insanity}
--won't somebody pop it?
Do it quick please.....
I never want to lose him.
Now, I'm going to go to fucking bed. Goodnight.
Later
I'm feeling a lot calmer now. It's a few hours later. I do like his song 'JoAnna'. I just wish I could have understood better then, what I was to him. As Stan said though, if not for him, perhaps Stan and I would never have been 'Stan and I'
Hmm...Justin. Who is the Justin guy I dated? Did I really love him? Did I ever know him. A million thoughts crossed my mind. I clicked on a link that lead to a 'Lycos' powered site with his downloads. I looked at the picture of him. I felt no longing. I felt no "Oh the memories are great..". I felt rage. This isn't a normal emotion for me, so I felt it worthy to write about.
I'm Jenna. I cry.
I'm not normally a girl who wants to kick some ass. I'm a wimp. I'm a pasifist. You'll never imagine the things I was thinking though. I felt betrayed. I felt like screaming.
Stan accused me of still having feelings for him. I say this to you- Can't a person just show some rage because the feeling is a big huge 'FUCK YOU'. Yah, I'm not sure if I've said that before, but- 'FUCK YOU'. As for you StanleyBear, you know I have no love for him. Don't be silly, and don't ever say I do again. That hurt me. It hurt me that you may believe it. It pissed me off the people may think that. No, I have no room in my life for cheating, lying, manipulative boys who want to be rock stars. No love for boys who tell people I fucking slept with them, when Lord knows we never went there. I have nothing but fucking anger for the bastard that cried to me for hours on the phone, then left me without any sign of why.
I abhor the fact I dried out his roses and kept them so long. I feel dirty that I ever tasted his lips {that his lips tasted mine}. I don't understand why the world seems to honor someone who goes through life feeding off others like a vampire on a search for a fucking person to love them. Then what do they do, they run like God-Damn hell.
....Eatting my trust. Eatting my self image. Eatting my ability to feel love and I wish I could just hit something. I wish I could get back everything I lost to him. I wish I could trust. I wish I could feel the love that's around me. I hate him, because everyday I get in fights with my lover---because I'm afraid he'll do to me this shit that Justin did. This leaving. I'm fucking pissed off that the idea has to be in my mind. I can't write anymore right now.
Points are-->
liars and backstabs suck ass.
I love my Stan and only Stan whom I wish I could trust better.
Who I also wish I could be more free for.
{I cry because I can't be free. I cry because I'm stuck inside this bubble of insanity}
--won't somebody pop it?
Do it quick please.....
I never want to lose him.
Now, I'm going to go to fucking bed. Goodnight.
Later
I'm feeling a lot calmer now. It's a few hours later. I do like his song 'JoAnna'. I just wish I could have understood better then, what I was to him. As Stan said though, if not for him, perhaps Stan and I would never have been 'Stan and I'