(no subject)
Lets talk about sex...
I envy those people who can be so free and sexually liberated. Who get called the whore or slut for their actions. I wish I could be that person.
I had this discussion recently with somone. They have sex with who ever on whim, they like it, they enjoy it and they think its okay despite society telling us its not. Too not care that much would be nice.
I equate sex with feelings. I want to have a connection other then physical. To me, it makes it so much better. I've had guys kiss me that i had no feelings toward and i can honestly say i backed off as was like this isn't going to work. It wouldn't work for me. Physically yes, but mentally I was disconnected from it.
A lot of people, though, equate sex to orgasms and getting theirs. I never much cared, in all honesty. To have an orgasm is wonderful, fucking phenomenoal. But that was never it. I'm all about the getting there. The touching, the feeling, the kissing, to know that person intimately rather then just sexually. Their is a difference.
To let that go and get rid of all the baggage that comes with it would be nice though. I could never do it, but I envy those who do. To be such a free spirit.
I envy people like that generally. People who have no stable jobs, travel around on whim, do what they want with life. Mold it, see it as an adventure and go with it. They have no ties that bind, they have friends and family but no materialistic things to hold them back. They just are.
That just amazes me so.
Maybe I need to take on some of that mentality and not worry so much. I seem to be worrying more and more these days. Just about everything, the now, the future. Really what is going to be so different about tomorrow, then it was last tuesday? School and then work. Thats what my life has become a routine maintence with slight variation and I feel numb.
I feel to old to be this young. I should be carefree in my age, shouldn't I? Thats what everyone seems to be telling me, society screams it, your 20's should be for fun! What fun am I having? not much.
I'm not looking for fun, i'm looking for contentment, simple happiness. To just be and be happy at the same time.
I feel like I am working towards nothing and getting there fast. I want something but I just don't know what. I can't put my finger on it but its right out of reach.