(no subject)
so very sad....
part of me is screaming 'this is the chance youve been waiting for! shut up and get the hell out as fast as you can!'
but part of me can not let go, and just wants to cry in my half assed barbie dream bedroom forever. think of everything.. from the very first party, to my huge drunken scene, to saying goodbye to kirsten. how about when i was the only one to see erika cry? spin the bottle, gangstas who read poetry, nil, dane cook, jerry springer, otto-man, and hours and hours of pure ridiculousness.. and that was only vale st.
manor rd.. kirsten. came. back. nights on the trampoline, bbqs, lawrence falling from the loft, the fast and the furious at 2am, RIDICULOUS FUCKING PARTIES, hours and hours in the duckie bathroom, paul, big daddy, a constant full fucking driveway, LIVING RENT FREE. i hated that fucking place, but i miss it so much. everyone says that everyone was different on vale st.. but everyone was different on manor rd, too.
i remember stupid little things from those.. i cant think of things like that here. and maybe its because im JUST leaving and theyll all rush on later. but everything is so different here. i never hang out with erika.. EVER. all of us barely spend time in our living room, or eat together. im more distant and bitter than ever. friends are hardly over, and im usually aggravated and go out if they are. the only thing that has been keeping me here is kirsten...who had not a word to say to me while i was sobbing on sunday. in fact, her eyes stayed on the computer screen the entire time i was in her bedroom. now that hurt.
i keep saying that i love this place and its my home, etc. but i think that phrase is just habit now. i LOVE erika, kirsten, aiden, and nance. they are my second family.. but i dont love this place. and erika just did me the hugest favor anyone has ever done for me. i would have never left on my own. and i really do understand her reasons and wish her the best of luck. im so sad to let it all go, but its not what it used to be anyway. plus, its not like anyone is dying.
i do believe eventually korey and i will be getting a place in or around worcester. as for now, im going to be a little homeless... (maybe itll be a good story to tell the grandkids??) i am so excited to have my own place though. we are starting out with nothing, so this is going to be an incredible experience. it will be shanon and koreys house.. not erikas house that shanon moved into to help out.
it might take me a while, but im finally going to do things right. im buying a new computer, and even a desk to go with! ill eventually spend thousands at savers and sallys and everywhere else wonderful. im going to be so much more responsible....for everything.
im finally going to start growing up.. (somewhat...)
we are still going to have barbies in our kitchen, though!
part of me is screaming 'this is the chance youve been waiting for! shut up and get the hell out as fast as you can!'
but part of me can not let go, and just wants to cry in my half assed barbie dream bedroom forever. think of everything.. from the very first party, to my huge drunken scene, to saying goodbye to kirsten. how about when i was the only one to see erika cry? spin the bottle, gangstas who read poetry, nil, dane cook, jerry springer, otto-man, and hours and hours of pure ridiculousness.. and that was only vale st.
manor rd.. kirsten. came. back. nights on the trampoline, bbqs, lawrence falling from the loft, the fast and the furious at 2am, RIDICULOUS FUCKING PARTIES, hours and hours in the duckie bathroom, paul, big daddy, a constant full fucking driveway, LIVING RENT FREE. i hated that fucking place, but i miss it so much. everyone says that everyone was different on vale st.. but everyone was different on manor rd, too.
i remember stupid little things from those.. i cant think of things like that here. and maybe its because im JUST leaving and theyll all rush on later. but everything is so different here. i never hang out with erika.. EVER. all of us barely spend time in our living room, or eat together. im more distant and bitter than ever. friends are hardly over, and im usually aggravated and go out if they are. the only thing that has been keeping me here is kirsten...who had not a word to say to me while i was sobbing on sunday. in fact, her eyes stayed on the computer screen the entire time i was in her bedroom. now that hurt.
i keep saying that i love this place and its my home, etc. but i think that phrase is just habit now. i LOVE erika, kirsten, aiden, and nance. they are my second family.. but i dont love this place. and erika just did me the hugest favor anyone has ever done for me. i would have never left on my own. and i really do understand her reasons and wish her the best of luck. im so sad to let it all go, but its not what it used to be anyway. plus, its not like anyone is dying.
i do believe eventually korey and i will be getting a place in or around worcester. as for now, im going to be a little homeless... (maybe itll be a good story to tell the grandkids??) i am so excited to have my own place though. we are starting out with nothing, so this is going to be an incredible experience. it will be shanon and koreys house.. not erikas house that shanon moved into to help out.
it might take me a while, but im finally going to do things right. im buying a new computer, and even a desk to go with! ill eventually spend thousands at savers and sallys and everywhere else wonderful. im going to be so much more responsible....for everything.
im finally going to start growing up.. (somewhat...)
we are still going to have barbies in our kitchen, though!