Tentatively Back
I'm.... back.
I've been in such a state of fear and depression and anger that I really haven't wanted to do much more than sleep. The work situation is ghastly, and I never ever would have believed how bad it could be except that I am living through it. And feeling trapped. But now there are a few bright places and I am going to work on enlarging those and freeing myself to get to better territories, spiritual and material.
The accident thing is finally within sight of being closed. I've been appalled by the whole scenario. I will probably get about $25k for experiences I would have walked away fast from if someone had offered me a million. So it goes. God, I hope I don't end up as curmudgeonly as Kurt Vonnegut Jr did!
When that settlement comes in I will focus on what I want to try to retrain for, as a job. I thought about setting up a garage groomery, but business is dismal right now and there are 25 groomers listed in the phone book, so I am thinking that is not the best idea. I will need to morph into something else.
Bruce is unhappy that I want to put a large chunk of money into the house, but it needs it. Badly. And that affects my daily happiness. So, I doubt I will be dissuaded from that.
I've had a really positive thing happen... in the person of Marilyn. She is one of the ladies I visit teach, she is the bishop's wife. We have been walking partners for about 6 weeks now and we are both really happy with the habit. It's so much easier to stick to it when you have someone counting on you!But it's getting colder and there was a sign at the high school track that we don't remember seeing before stating there is no unauthorized use of the track. So.... we went and toured a gym. It's very close, closer than Curves was even and :::::fanfare:::: it is available any time. It's called Anytime Fitness and they just give you a key and do a face recognition, so, if you want to work out at 2 am you can. I love that freedom!One of the owners showed us around and explained things, membership comes with the services of a personal trainer (him) He is an ex Manhattan cop who has also been a peronal trainer as long as he has been a cop. Now he is retired and doing this. I enjoyed the orientation. It was well presented and seems workable. We joined for a year, so that should be ample time to determine if this really does me any good. And I am really enjoying my mornings with Marilyn.
While I was waiting for the assessment today. Oh, I was nervous!!!! I got an email through Classmates and it was how my first love Jim remembers me. It was just a 4 word form. Made me smile though. He rememebers me as "bright" "creative" "generous" and "soft spoken". Of course, seeing his name opened a floodbank of memory. None of the words I thought of thinking of him were on the list, which surprised me. So I sent a short note to him telling him I remember him as "passionate", "true-to-youself", "receptive" and "limber". I hope that makes him smile.
After the gym I came home and had a really sweet email from Steve who is apparently enjoying the care package I sent him. I hope we have a chance to catch up tonight on the phone. I am pretty sure Bruce is having his friend Jason over so I think there will be time.
I am thinking of "skipping" Halloween this year. Only painted 3 pumpkins, 2 for Debbie and 1 for Dianna. Haven't bought any candy and no money to really. This would be the first Halloween I haven't participated in.
Oh!!! this is a strange little note but the other morning when I was spending a little time with Bruce before work, he flipped on a show and to my absolute delight it was a documentary about Harlan Ellison who I just love. What a fine treat that was!
I've also been in a reading mood and finished 2 Dean Koontz novels last week. The Husband and the much scarier to me False Memories. I am in a bookstore mood. Thinking of going to Home Depot to look at doors and floor covering and such and maybe I will treat myself to a book.
I've been in such a state of fear and depression and anger that I really haven't wanted to do much more than sleep. The work situation is ghastly, and I never ever would have believed how bad it could be except that I am living through it. And feeling trapped. But now there are a few bright places and I am going to work on enlarging those and freeing myself to get to better territories, spiritual and material.
The accident thing is finally within sight of being closed. I've been appalled by the whole scenario. I will probably get about $25k for experiences I would have walked away fast from if someone had offered me a million. So it goes. God, I hope I don't end up as curmudgeonly as Kurt Vonnegut Jr did!
When that settlement comes in I will focus on what I want to try to retrain for, as a job. I thought about setting up a garage groomery, but business is dismal right now and there are 25 groomers listed in the phone book, so I am thinking that is not the best idea. I will need to morph into something else.
Bruce is unhappy that I want to put a large chunk of money into the house, but it needs it. Badly. And that affects my daily happiness. So, I doubt I will be dissuaded from that.
I've had a really positive thing happen... in the person of Marilyn. She is one of the ladies I visit teach, she is the bishop's wife. We have been walking partners for about 6 weeks now and we are both really happy with the habit. It's so much easier to stick to it when you have someone counting on you!But it's getting colder and there was a sign at the high school track that we don't remember seeing before stating there is no unauthorized use of the track. So.... we went and toured a gym. It's very close, closer than Curves was even and :::::fanfare:::: it is available any time. It's called Anytime Fitness and they just give you a key and do a face recognition, so, if you want to work out at 2 am you can. I love that freedom!One of the owners showed us around and explained things, membership comes with the services of a personal trainer (him) He is an ex Manhattan cop who has also been a peronal trainer as long as he has been a cop. Now he is retired and doing this. I enjoyed the orientation. It was well presented and seems workable. We joined for a year, so that should be ample time to determine if this really does me any good. And I am really enjoying my mornings with Marilyn.
While I was waiting for the assessment today. Oh, I was nervous!!!! I got an email through Classmates and it was how my first love Jim remembers me. It was just a 4 word form. Made me smile though. He rememebers me as "bright" "creative" "generous" and "soft spoken". Of course, seeing his name opened a floodbank of memory. None of the words I thought of thinking of him were on the list, which surprised me. So I sent a short note to him telling him I remember him as "passionate", "true-to-youself", "receptive" and "limber". I hope that makes him smile.
After the gym I came home and had a really sweet email from Steve who is apparently enjoying the care package I sent him. I hope we have a chance to catch up tonight on the phone. I am pretty sure Bruce is having his friend Jason over so I think there will be time.
I am thinking of "skipping" Halloween this year. Only painted 3 pumpkins, 2 for Debbie and 1 for Dianna. Haven't bought any candy and no money to really. This would be the first Halloween I haven't participated in.
Oh!!! this is a strange little note but the other morning when I was spending a little time with Bruce before work, he flipped on a show and to my absolute delight it was a documentary about Harlan Ellison who I just love. What a fine treat that was!
I've also been in a reading mood and finished 2 Dean Koontz novels last week. The Husband and the much scarier to me False Memories. I am in a bookstore mood. Thinking of going to Home Depot to look at doors and floor covering and such and maybe I will treat myself to a book.