(no subject)
im angyr at certain people, am i sterotyped? everybody thinks their sumthing they aint, thats the way it is...
becky thinks she is; hot, veyr very clever,sexy, cool, popular, funy, fantastic.. etc
becky is; altho hot, but weird, anoying strange, attention seeking and not that smart
and
argue thinks he is; god, funny, popular, sexi as pie n the answer to all our prayers
argue is; a cunt
basicly it goes on like that with a lot of people, but i dont think of myself as being popular (im quite the opersit) or funny (i have no sense of humor), i dont think i fit into any of the *fit, sexi, cool, fantastic* group, but i dont think im purticuly ugly? am i? anyway that my way of bing self contious n i cnt spell for fuck. i dont think im exactly full of myself, i piss about syaing im gorgeous n crap liek that but i dont really feel it, ive always been that way,
when i was young, at erring ton, kirsty was the smart mature one, becky was the sexi one, karen was the weird but veyr clever one, and i was the, well the one. i didnt have a role, maybe the ugly gurl *as i was from 7-13* but that did put me down a bit. i remember looking at ym self at dinner onse in the playground thru a window, i got really upset coz i thought i was really ugly, then i would go home and go to bed thinking that i was never gonna find someone who loved me, so i would die alone with out ever kissing anyone *so nieve* or i was gonna turn into a lesbian and all my friends wouldnt talk to me coz they thought i might just hit on them. at that age i used to think alot about the future, for a while i thought i was gonna be a sucessful actress, well i dont think i could do that with a *d* in drama. a d for heavens sake, i honestly thought i might have been a bit better than that. i thought i was always better than becky at stuff liek that, but she got a basterd b, and even karen got higher than me, i always used to watch her during drama lessons thinking *im better than her, she just looks weird* but apparently not if she got a better mark than me. it really did put me down a bit tho, that and all the rest of my scores, english i got a d, yet in courswork i had been getting a/b's. textiles i got a c but courswork n revision will bring that up. science d, but i did no revision n hadnt a clue what i was doing so i was please with my d. Sophy *no offence but gets fab marks anyway* upset me a little when she was telling me her scores (not that its her fault i got crap marks) then said 2oh, so you got all d's then? ******grrrrrrrrr yes i did but its not my fault im dumb. i do revise, i do try to pay attention just everyone seems to be way smarter than me and no metter what i do or what people say i am gonna fail or get crap marks in ym exams. beckys was a/b/c's n shes not gonna get them, a b in textiles would make me so happy and the rest c's but im so worried im not gonan get them, i feel like a complete failour and their is nothing i cna do to turn the whole exam/courswork/gcse situation around
x x x
*sorry*