I miss you, i miss you so far
New Years is not a time for resolutions. It's not a time to get drunk. It's not a time to party like its 1999. It's also not a time to kiss someone just because its midnight. New Years is a time for one thing...FIREWORKS. Fireworks are my everything. On December 31st, six very inebriated girls busted into a very crowded hotel party and yours truly missed the fireworks because she was too busy kissing a boy she used to know. A very cute boy she used to know at that. But that isn't the point. The point, is that I missed the fireworks. And that I have a few new years resolution: 1.don't kiss boys unless I'm entirely sure about my feelings for them. 2.Learn how to raise one of my eyebrows. 3.Become an independant woman in relation to my cell phone. 4.Oh, and don't miss the freaking fireworks. How unnerving.
They could not make up their minds because there was no true love, simply rushes of emotional instability and personal insecurities. The thing is, ive always been attracted to fibulescent infatuation, so I guess it makes sense in the big picture.
now that i'm older
and i know much more than i did back then
but the more i learn
the more i can't understand
and i've become content with this life that i lead
where i drink to much and don't believe in much of anything
and i lie to myself
and say "it's for the best."
we're moving forward, but holding ourselves back
and we're waiting on something that will never come
"What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change. It's the currency of the world."
I hate lying to people. No joke, I really do hate it. I'm not talking about making up stories and allowing people to believe that they are true...I love that. Im talking about what most would refer to as "white lies." Things that i say (or dont say) to avoid hurting someone. I'm always doing that, telling people that I feel one way, when I dont feel that way at all, or telling them im doing one thing when im doing something completely different. I've learned through past experience that being lied to like that sucks, and that im not really going to spare them any pain by lying to them.
Gina and I went to San Diego this weekend. We watched the Notebook, were the lone iceskaters in the rain, reached a new level of maturity (or unbelieveable lack thereof) involving phone calls and some beautiful songs, started a hot tub party in our bathtub, had sweet disco parties in the elevator, took cabs five blocks because I wanted ice cream and really enjoy walking.
Gina's dad said I'm a walking fun machine. All I do is have fun.
There are times when I feel so emotionless. Somewhere along the line I developed the ability to completely disassociate myself from any feelings. I also learned to manipulate my feelings so that they only occur when I want them to. This is why you are frustrating me so big. I still love you. But only when I really wish I wouldn't.