Why we can't always have a 'productive' conversation

[sparkindarkness]

This piece originally appeared at Womanist Musings where Renee has very generously allowed my random musings to appear on her excellent blogWhy we can’t always have a ‘productive’ conversation

Comments

[wordwitch]

O my brother. *hugs*

I do know about being too tired. Miss Manners suggests absolute silence, coupled with a highly offended stare and an upright posture.

Manners =/= kindness.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you. It's wearing soemtimes

And certainly - being polite doesn't mean you have to be a doormat :)

[suryaofvulcan]

I know what you mean about being tired. I try to reserve the clue-bat for when I think it will do some good - otherwise I just end up wearing myself out having confrontations with random strangers. Of course sometimes NOT having the conversation takes up more energy - I can end up seething quietly for days thinking about what I should have said.

All the same I had what I hope were 2 reasonably successful conversations in the last week:

One was with a colleague/friend at work who thought buying Bob the Robot Vacuum Cleaner made me 'lazy', until I pointed out that conventional vacuuming was actually painful for me. You could almost see the lightbulb going on over her head as she said, "I'd never thought of it as something that would be helpful to a disabled person - I thought it was just a gadget." And she GOT it - twice. She got that disabled people don't always look disabled, and she got that 'disability aids' aren't necessarily just things ONLY disabled people would use

[sparkindarkness]

I throw out the clue bat a lot - which means every now and then I just say "screw this."

Every now and then you just have to throw down "y'know, you're a homophobe. Go buy a clue." Having a lot of links written down helps. Then I don't have to pull out a full scale clue bat when I'm tired - I can say "here, look at these clue bats we've already made" because you can guarantee they've said NOTHING new

I cling to the conversations that go well. I really do. I need to know they worked. I need to know they were successful. It gives me the strength to have another one

I'm glad she got it - thankfully that was a case of simple ignorance. They're very redeemable :)

him? Gah, i don't think he looks outside himself much by the sound of it.

It's tough and soul destroying. Especially sicne most do not want to learn

[sparkindarkness]

The world would be very sparsely populated then

[sparkindarkness]

I'm trying to think of a reason... I'm sure there must be one

[butterflyhands]

This really rang true with me. As someone who goes to a predominantly gentile university, I've had many encounters with people who react to my telling them about my Jewish background by asking me if my father runs a bank, taking out a dollar bill and dropping it on the floor, saying "go get it!" or mocking Jewish sexuality with such tasteful jokes as "Is it true Jews like rewinding porn because they love seeing the hooker give the money back?"
And always they wait for me to laugh at their cleverness. I don't laugh, I give a weary stare. But sometimes I'm too tired to say "That's an antisemitic thing to say." and deal with the follow-up of defensive "why are you so sensitive" remarks.
Thanks for putting into words what I feel every time I see that dreaded dollar come out.

[butterflyhands]

By the way, I'm sorry if this came across as insensitive, I know homophobia is much more rampant and acceptable than antisemitism. Your general message was wonderful though, and it really touched me.

[sparkindarkness]

Ah, I don't go for that at all

[butterflyhands]

You're very right!
I was simply anxious that perhaps by comparing my experience, I was being flippant or dismissive of yours. Something I try to avoid. But you're correct.

[tibialmusician]

You need to give me an address or at least a P.O. box so I can send you and beloved "The heck with the world" cookies. they make things much better.

[sparkindarkness]

Thank you :)

cookies make the world better

[tibialmusician]

Then pm/email me with an address.

Otherwise they will simply be virtual e-cookies if you like ^_^

[sparkindarkness]

Oops, only got this post now my notifications are messed up :) I shall have to dig out the email :)