A Conversation
(This story is my version of what would happen if Spike survived the final battle and Buffy really did love Spike.)
"Oh God," I cried. Looking back on the rubble of what used to be my house, my school, my college, and my entire world. Sunnydale had been my home for seven years, it contained so many memories, I had my first kiss, my first love, my first heartbreak. All the memories of The Bronze, with Xander and Willow, and Tara... and even Cordelia, I had died twice in that town, and now all the physical remnance of that was gone.
Chocking back my tears I tried to block out the next series of memories that came rushing through. Spike. I had hated him for so long, and I still wanted to hate him. I know I should have killed him the first time we fought, all the way back in Junior year of High School. For some reason though, I never could, whether it was because of a deal, or that pesky chip in his head, I just couldn't kill him. And now Spike had laid down his life, his soul, to save Sunnydale... or at least that is what I am trying to convince myself, but the real reason he died was for me. Spike laid down his life, all those centuries he had, and all the centuries he could have lived, he gave that up so I wouldn't have to suffer.
I want to hate him so badly, I can barely contain the rush of anger that fills me. All I can think about is that moment down in the Hellmouth. I told him I loved him, did I say it out of pity? But he didn't believe me anyway, I guess it was because I didn't believe myself at the time, it must be that whole soul thing that is giving, gave, him that talent. I hate that I am admitting this, even if it is to myself but, I love Spike. I don't know how it happened, or why, but I do.
I can't love him. After all the things he has done to me, after all the ways I have used him, I cant believe it, but I don't deserve him.
Feeling another fiery rush of fury, I smashed my fist into the last remaining remnant of Sunnydale, the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. Upon contact, I heard the groan of the cement cracking as it pulled away from solid ground. Then it was out of sight, I never even heard a crash that signified it hitting the rubble below. I guess that it just how cavernous the fiery pits of a Hellmouth can be. Instead of the crash that I was expecting I heard a sound that at first I thought was all in my head, a distinctly british "Oh bloody HELL,"
I would just like to say that I have never fainted in my life, sure I have been knocked out, but I have never fainted, not even as a pre-slayer Buffy. But in this one moment I came so close I had to take a few deep breaths.
Suddenly, I spotted the distinct platinum locks, that only one person, vampire, demon or anything I had ever met has had.
With a loud grunt a a few indistinct mumbles, that slightly resembled some British, "Bloody hell woman, what are you going to do, let me fall off the cliff, I only barely made it up."
Walking over slowly, dazed, and dream-like, I only vaguely remember extending my hand, it wasn't until his rough, cold hand clasped mine that I truly realized what was happening.
"What? No witty comeback from the slayer, don't think you could get rid of me that easy. It takes more than the apocalypse to stop S..."
Spike's sentence was cut short, just as he made it up to the top of the cliff I threw myself into his cold comforting embrace and covered my mouth with his.
After a few glorious seconds, he pushed me away gently and gave me his quizical confused look, "Alright love, whats the deal with the warm welcome."
Giving into the rush of my desires I whispered bashfully, "I Love you."
"Ya I know we already went through this bit," he said, a hint of anger creaping onto his face, "and I said, no you don't. Love, we both know that you don't love me, and your still jonesing for Angel."
Embarresed I lowered my gaze and said, "I don't know why I love you, and Goddess knows I've tried not to, but I really truly love you." In saying this I molded my body into his, and pressed my mouth once more against his, trying to convey all my sincerity with one kiss. I wanted him to see that I didn't just love him for his body, that for some reason unknown to me, I loved him for him. That I felt incomplete if I wasn't around him.
Again he pushed me away with his lips pink and slightly parted, an astonished look across his face. "You mean it don't you?"
(Ill continue the juicier part of the story later... its time for me to catch a bit of sleep)
"Oh God," I cried. Looking back on the rubble of what used to be my house, my school, my college, and my entire world. Sunnydale had been my home for seven years, it contained so many memories, I had my first kiss, my first love, my first heartbreak. All the memories of The Bronze, with Xander and Willow, and Tara... and even Cordelia, I had died twice in that town, and now all the physical remnance of that was gone.
Chocking back my tears I tried to block out the next series of memories that came rushing through. Spike. I had hated him for so long, and I still wanted to hate him. I know I should have killed him the first time we fought, all the way back in Junior year of High School. For some reason though, I never could, whether it was because of a deal, or that pesky chip in his head, I just couldn't kill him. And now Spike had laid down his life, his soul, to save Sunnydale... or at least that is what I am trying to convince myself, but the real reason he died was for me. Spike laid down his life, all those centuries he had, and all the centuries he could have lived, he gave that up so I wouldn't have to suffer.
I want to hate him so badly, I can barely contain the rush of anger that fills me. All I can think about is that moment down in the Hellmouth. I told him I loved him, did I say it out of pity? But he didn't believe me anyway, I guess it was because I didn't believe myself at the time, it must be that whole soul thing that is giving, gave, him that talent. I hate that I am admitting this, even if it is to myself but, I love Spike. I don't know how it happened, or why, but I do.
I can't love him. After all the things he has done to me, after all the ways I have used him, I cant believe it, but I don't deserve him.
Feeling another fiery rush of fury, I smashed my fist into the last remaining remnant of Sunnydale, the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign. Upon contact, I heard the groan of the cement cracking as it pulled away from solid ground. Then it was out of sight, I never even heard a crash that signified it hitting the rubble below. I guess that it just how cavernous the fiery pits of a Hellmouth can be. Instead of the crash that I was expecting I heard a sound that at first I thought was all in my head, a distinctly british "Oh bloody HELL,"
I would just like to say that I have never fainted in my life, sure I have been knocked out, but I have never fainted, not even as a pre-slayer Buffy. But in this one moment I came so close I had to take a few deep breaths.
Suddenly, I spotted the distinct platinum locks, that only one person, vampire, demon or anything I had ever met has had.
With a loud grunt a a few indistinct mumbles, that slightly resembled some British, "Bloody hell woman, what are you going to do, let me fall off the cliff, I only barely made it up."
Walking over slowly, dazed, and dream-like, I only vaguely remember extending my hand, it wasn't until his rough, cold hand clasped mine that I truly realized what was happening.
"What? No witty comeback from the slayer, don't think you could get rid of me that easy. It takes more than the apocalypse to stop S..."
Spike's sentence was cut short, just as he made it up to the top of the cliff I threw myself into his cold comforting embrace and covered my mouth with his.
After a few glorious seconds, he pushed me away gently and gave me his quizical confused look, "Alright love, whats the deal with the warm welcome."
Giving into the rush of my desires I whispered bashfully, "I Love you."
"Ya I know we already went through this bit," he said, a hint of anger creaping onto his face, "and I said, no you don't. Love, we both know that you don't love me, and your still jonesing for Angel."
Embarresed I lowered my gaze and said, "I don't know why I love you, and Goddess knows I've tried not to, but I really truly love you." In saying this I molded my body into his, and pressed my mouth once more against his, trying to convey all my sincerity with one kiss. I wanted him to see that I didn't just love him for his body, that for some reason unknown to me, I loved him for him. That I felt incomplete if I wasn't around him.
Again he pushed me away with his lips pink and slightly parted, an astonished look across his face. "You mean it don't you?"
(Ill continue the juicier part of the story later... its time for me to catch a bit of sleep)