On How To Be An Awesome Customer
This is an actual interaction that occurred today at my coffee shop.
Coworker: Hey Suze, this customer wanted to return something...?
Dickhead: Yeah, I bought the wrong size filters, I need to return them.
Me: Ok, that shouldn't be a problem-
*Sees scotch tape across the opening*
Me: Ah, I'm sorry, they've been opened, I can't do a return.
Dickhead: Well yeah, I opened them, saw they were the wrong size, and closed them, so I want to return them.
Me: Well...let me check with my manager.
*Explains situation to manager, who reinforces my decision*
Me: I am really sorry sir, but we are unable to return coffee filters once they've been opened.
Dickhead: Well that's bullshit!
Manager: Unfortunately, we have to treat filters like they're food items, once they've been opened-
Dickhead: Yeah well, fuck you, this is fucking unbelievable-
Me: Sir, please leave.
(Not a lot of you have heard me speak, but please be assured that this request was not actually a request, and was "get the fuck out before I kick you in the nuts" couched in more polite wording.)
Dickhead started to storm out, realized he'd forgotten his wrong-sized filters, turned around to grab them, and then stormed out for real.
I am not sorry to see the last of him. Dude has been a dickhead every single time he's come in the store, though this is the first time he's used profanity. But! Now that he has, I'm allowed to ban him from the store. Which will be fucking awesome next time he tries to come in. I seriously can't wait. Fucking entitled piece of shit who treats everyone else like they're worthless, I cannot wait for the day that he tries to come in and I tell him that his custom is not welcome nor wanted. Fuckface.
(That very last part will likely be internal).
Coworker: Hey Suze, this customer wanted to return something...?
Dickhead: Yeah, I bought the wrong size filters, I need to return them.
Me: Ok, that shouldn't be a problem-
*Sees scotch tape across the opening*
Me: Ah, I'm sorry, they've been opened, I can't do a return.
Dickhead: Well yeah, I opened them, saw they were the wrong size, and closed them, so I want to return them.
Me: Well...let me check with my manager.
*Explains situation to manager, who reinforces my decision*
Me: I am really sorry sir, but we are unable to return coffee filters once they've been opened.
Dickhead: Well that's bullshit!
Manager: Unfortunately, we have to treat filters like they're food items, once they've been opened-
Dickhead: Yeah well, fuck you, this is fucking unbelievable-
Me: Sir, please leave.
(Not a lot of you have heard me speak, but please be assured that this request was not actually a request, and was "get the fuck out before I kick you in the nuts" couched in more polite wording.)
Dickhead started to storm out, realized he'd forgotten his wrong-sized filters, turned around to grab them, and then stormed out for real.
I am not sorry to see the last of him. Dude has been a dickhead every single time he's come in the store, though this is the first time he's used profanity. But! Now that he has, I'm allowed to ban him from the store. Which will be fucking awesome next time he tries to come in. I seriously can't wait. Fucking entitled piece of shit who treats everyone else like they're worthless, I cannot wait for the day that he tries to come in and I tell him that his custom is not welcome nor wanted. Fuckface.
(That very last part will likely be internal).