.Letter.From.A.Poet.
For as many things that have been happening in my life, I haven’t found my way to my virtual confidant in a while. Sometimes I feel as though I have no control over the events that occur in my life. Like I’m merely a pawn and quite frankly it grows tiresome. I wish sometimes I could just take control and get clearly what I want, but I don’t even know what I want anymore.
My father has been boorish lately, before I left for North Carolina he decided to pull me aside and tell me he didn’t want me going because it made him uncomfortable. That he didn’t want his “16 year old child going to another state with an 18 (Sean is 19 but I didn’t bother correcting him) year old man” He continued to say that there had been many things that have “made him uncomfortable” like me sitting on Sean’s lap and so forth. What is beyond me, is why he decided to throw all of that on the table right before my boyfriend of a year and 8 months moves 3,000 miles away. You would think he would have said something a little sooner right? I don’t know, I told him I was going and it was something I had to do, so he let me choose for myself.
I suppose the most pressing factor in my life is the fact that Sean is moving. This is a decision that I basically forced him to consider and we both know it’s the right thing to do. But how do you say goodbye to someone that has been your heart and soul for almost two years. I guess in some ways it’s more painful then if we had gotten into an enraged argument and called it quits because I have that regret and fear in my heart. I know we won’t be together while he’s away and that makes it a bit easier because I know he will focus more on what he needs to do that way and the same is true for myself. But I love him, I can’t help it, maybe that makes me a fool or an innocent girl, I’ll quite know. All else aside I still have to say goodbye to him on Thursday. Thursday, now that I say it, it seems so much closer than I imagined it to be. It seems to be slowly creeping up to me waiting to consume me.
I guess school will always be a factor in the stress of my life. I sometimes believe I was one of those people that aren’t meant for the typical education. I always learn better with hands on work or apprentice type situations. I know I bombed a few tests and quizzes somewhere along the quarter. Midterms are going to be coming up soon; I don’t have any notion about how I am going to pass them this year. Photo and Journalism and History are the only ones I know I’ll do well on. Chemistry, Algebra II, German, and English are anybodies guess. I have no notion about anything that we have done thus far in German. I guess that teaches me to just strum along a class huh? Oh well I am missing 5 quizzes in that class as well, aren’t I smart. Oh well.
I guess the only thing that brings me any joy anymore is Photography and the phone calls I get from random friends (it does brighten my day so much). I spend most of the school day in some way involved in photography. I try to change and improve on my art and style. Watching the ideas that have been locked inside my head slowly appear on paper is one of the only things that can break through and touch my heart.
My father has been boorish lately, before I left for North Carolina he decided to pull me aside and tell me he didn’t want me going because it made him uncomfortable. That he didn’t want his “16 year old child going to another state with an 18 (Sean is 19 but I didn’t bother correcting him) year old man” He continued to say that there had been many things that have “made him uncomfortable” like me sitting on Sean’s lap and so forth. What is beyond me, is why he decided to throw all of that on the table right before my boyfriend of a year and 8 months moves 3,000 miles away. You would think he would have said something a little sooner right? I don’t know, I told him I was going and it was something I had to do, so he let me choose for myself.
I suppose the most pressing factor in my life is the fact that Sean is moving. This is a decision that I basically forced him to consider and we both know it’s the right thing to do. But how do you say goodbye to someone that has been your heart and soul for almost two years. I guess in some ways it’s more painful then if we had gotten into an enraged argument and called it quits because I have that regret and fear in my heart. I know we won’t be together while he’s away and that makes it a bit easier because I know he will focus more on what he needs to do that way and the same is true for myself. But I love him, I can’t help it, maybe that makes me a fool or an innocent girl, I’ll quite know. All else aside I still have to say goodbye to him on Thursday. Thursday, now that I say it, it seems so much closer than I imagined it to be. It seems to be slowly creeping up to me waiting to consume me.
I guess school will always be a factor in the stress of my life. I sometimes believe I was one of those people that aren’t meant for the typical education. I always learn better with hands on work or apprentice type situations. I know I bombed a few tests and quizzes somewhere along the quarter. Midterms are going to be coming up soon; I don’t have any notion about how I am going to pass them this year. Photo and Journalism and History are the only ones I know I’ll do well on. Chemistry, Algebra II, German, and English are anybodies guess. I have no notion about anything that we have done thus far in German. I guess that teaches me to just strum along a class huh? Oh well I am missing 5 quizzes in that class as well, aren’t I smart. Oh well.
I guess the only thing that brings me any joy anymore is Photography and the phone calls I get from random friends (it does brighten my day so much). I spend most of the school day in some way involved in photography. I try to change and improve on my art and style. Watching the ideas that have been locked inside my head slowly appear on paper is one of the only things that can break through and touch my heart.