things tie themselves into happy little bundles of closure
Karma is a bitch and let that be a lesson to everyone. A very selfish person from my past who hurt me and a whole lot of other people, who had had everything handed to him his whole life, had everything fall apart recently...and is struggling it seems to paste his life back together. the rumors are yet to be substantiated but I got them from an incredibly reliable source, so...being a good person and making sacrifices however painful they may be to make in the end will be more rewarding than taking the easy way, and manipulating others into getting your own way.
Had another interesting run in with honor and Karma this weekend, and someone who is doing it the right way...and as frustrating as that is for me...it somehow made the encounter sweeter, and more memorable.
There are things that I am not proud of...things I did to get my way when I was younger, and people I hurt, lies I told. I want to think that things have balanced themselves out for me Karmically because bad things...really bad things have happened to me and my family and people I love.
But still I wonder...if the bottom is going to just drop out from under me...and all the success I've accumulated and the strides that I have made toward being this strong, independent woman is all going to fall apart. "Alas our frailty is the cause, not we, for such as we are made of, such we be."- My favorite Shakespeare audition monologue, anybody wanna take a stab at it?
And if I'll have to move home and admit that I couldn't do it...and that other strange uplifting thought of...would that really be so bad?
And I want more time out doors, under stars sitting with people who know me, and know what and where I came from...sometimes I hate the New York me, this chic person with all the attitude who hides behind art, behind music and behind this snottiness... There is a strange connection to people like Becky, and Steve, Cam and Ian and Hai...they knew Mark and sometimes I feel that as a result they know me...and are always going to know me just a little bit better than anyone else because they saw the princess fall apart.
No matter how much time passes between visits or phone calls, there is this anchor and this pull that keeps me comming home to them. The city feels so lonely today.
Back to the grind.
-H
Had another interesting run in with honor and Karma this weekend, and someone who is doing it the right way...and as frustrating as that is for me...it somehow made the encounter sweeter, and more memorable.
There are things that I am not proud of...things I did to get my way when I was younger, and people I hurt, lies I told. I want to think that things have balanced themselves out for me Karmically because bad things...really bad things have happened to me and my family and people I love.
But still I wonder...if the bottom is going to just drop out from under me...and all the success I've accumulated and the strides that I have made toward being this strong, independent woman is all going to fall apart. "Alas our frailty is the cause, not we, for such as we are made of, such we be."- My favorite Shakespeare audition monologue, anybody wanna take a stab at it?
And if I'll have to move home and admit that I couldn't do it...and that other strange uplifting thought of...would that really be so bad?
And I want more time out doors, under stars sitting with people who know me, and know what and where I came from...sometimes I hate the New York me, this chic person with all the attitude who hides behind art, behind music and behind this snottiness... There is a strange connection to people like Becky, and Steve, Cam and Ian and Hai...they knew Mark and sometimes I feel that as a result they know me...and are always going to know me just a little bit better than anyone else because they saw the princess fall apart.
No matter how much time passes between visits or phone calls, there is this anchor and this pull that keeps me comming home to them. The city feels so lonely today.
Back to the grind.
-H