PISSED OFF AT MYSELF
I do not have a lot of patience. & that includes having patience with myself, & it appears that I have zero patience with anything I really want to do. WHY CANNOT I NOT JUST DO WHAT IM THINKING IN MY HEAD? WHY DO I HAVE TO STOP MYSELF & THINK IT THRU & REALIZE "Oh crap, thats a really bad idea, don't do it!"?! Why can't I just GO FOR IT!? I want to so bad, yet at the same time I'm so confused.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you wanted to do anything to achieve that one "something"?
Well right now I'm at that point. I want to say something to him. I want to talk, wave, smile, correspond, ANYTHING GOD DAMN IT.
BUT NO.
I HAVE TO BE A LITTLE BITCH & CHICKEN OUT EVERYTIME.
I can't believe how stupid I am.
I want to do something so bad its not even funny.
Everytime I see him I get this strange feeling inside of me & I just freeze up, I can't think, I'm completely lost.
Now the question for today is - WHY AM I LIKE THIS?
I mean I've had relationships before & sure I was timid & a little bitch, but I worked thru that & just went for things, but with him its like I can't do anything at all because in the back of my mind I have this horrible fear that he'll turn me down, say "I really just like you as a friend", or some other stupid shit like that. I can't help myself for thinking like this, I'm only 16! Im human!
But why can't I just go for it?
Why? Why? Why?
I have no clue why.
& then afterward when I know I had my chance, I get pissed at myself because I know that I should of done something, anything. I mean fuck. Wave. Smile. Throw something. Sign langugae! FUCKING SMOKE SIGNALS FOR GOD'S SAKE! WTF!
& the sad part is that I don't even know this guy. I just think that things would work out really well, & this I am basing on is absolutleynothing at all.
So basically I know nothing about him except his name & a couple of other random facts. Sounds kinda stalker-ish but I don't care. I just can't help it. I just see him & I just get that strange feeling that I know something good can come out of getting to know him.
BUT NO I HAVE TO BE A LITTLE BITCH ABOUT THINGS. GOD DAMN WTF.
AGHHHHHH !@$#^%^&*!
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you wanted to do anything to achieve that one "something"?
Well right now I'm at that point. I want to say something to him. I want to talk, wave, smile, correspond, ANYTHING GOD DAMN IT.
BUT NO.
I HAVE TO BE A LITTLE BITCH & CHICKEN OUT EVERYTIME.
I can't believe how stupid I am.
I want to do something so bad its not even funny.
Everytime I see him I get this strange feeling inside of me & I just freeze up, I can't think, I'm completely lost.
Now the question for today is - WHY AM I LIKE THIS?
I mean I've had relationships before & sure I was timid & a little bitch, but I worked thru that & just went for things, but with him its like I can't do anything at all because in the back of my mind I have this horrible fear that he'll turn me down, say "I really just like you as a friend", or some other stupid shit like that. I can't help myself for thinking like this, I'm only 16! Im human!
But why can't I just go for it?
Why? Why? Why?
I have no clue why.
& then afterward when I know I had my chance, I get pissed at myself because I know that I should of done something, anything. I mean fuck. Wave. Smile. Throw something. Sign langugae! FUCKING SMOKE SIGNALS FOR GOD'S SAKE! WTF!
& the sad part is that I don't even know this guy. I just think that things would work out really well, & this I am basing on is absolutleynothing at all.
So basically I know nothing about him except his name & a couple of other random facts. Sounds kinda stalker-ish but I don't care. I just can't help it. I just see him & I just get that strange feeling that I know something good can come out of getting to know him.
BUT NO I HAVE TO BE A LITTLE BITCH ABOUT THINGS. GOD DAMN WTF.
AGHHHHHH !@$#^%^&*!