Who wants to live forever?
(I know it looks all fucky to read but thats because I first did this in Notepad)
The campus looks really pretty today. We had literally the perfect amount of snowfall
the other night which then froze over the next two days. Which is cool because there isn't
a huge amount of snow and ice, but the snow that did fall will be around for awhile just to
give the area a nice winter look to it. I like that.
I seem to have put myself in a dilemma. A moral conumdurum if you will. On Christmas eve a
bunch of the old choir buddies are meeting together to sing with Mrs. Lyons. This is really
awesome mostly because I haven't sung in a choir in a long time. It is also cool because I'll
get to see some old Kennedy cronies. There is however a possible downside. Mrs. Lyons wants
to get Kaitlyn to sing with us, which she has taken it upon herself to speak with Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn and I are for the time being not speaking or even interacting. So much so I have tried desperately to shut her off from my life. If she goes to the Christmas eve mass I will be forced to be in contact with her, and then who knows what might happen. So do I go to this
mass or do I avoid the situation if it so happens that Kaitlyn is going? Not a pretty scenario so far.
I guess on the grand scheme of things it really isn't a big deal. So if I have to see
her once more so what. It was probably bound to happen anyway. I mean I will be leaving in
January for a new school away from the area and I won't really be seeing much of my old life
again, for awhile anyway. Finally to be out on my own. It's a bit scary and yet thrilling at
the same time. Who knows what new challenges face me in the months to come. Will I be able to
keep up with the work? Will I be able to make new friends and start new relationships? Will I
get terribly homesick for the people I do love and adore? Or will I just embrace whatever the
future holds for me? It's quite fascinating. It'll be even more fascinating if I am able to
go into the city for school.
I wonder if anything will ever become of Britney and me? We have become pretty close
these past few months. Strangely enough I find myself not terribly attached to the idea of
starting some type relationship with her. I mean sure it would be fantastic for the time. The
Unfortunate thing about it is that we can't engage in some sort of relationship. Neither one of us can do long distance. The saddest thing about it is this though. Even though I would like tohave a fling with her, I don't know how much I could trust her. I am learning more and more astime goes by how fickle women are. I would definetly not say I hate them, just that I don'ttrust them so much. As much as Britney says she is straight with her affairs I still don't knowif I would be up to the task of attempting to trust her. But then again it's not really thattangible a thing. Maybe someday.
A thing that surprised me when I visited Mrs. Lyons was that when Kaitlyn was brought
up I couldn't bring myself to tell her the problems we were having. Although the only thing
I did mention was when she asked me if we were ever getting back together I just said "No, I
don't think so". I felt that Kathie didn't need to know everything that has gone on. The
women is very nostalgic about her Kennedy days. Let her keep her memories untampered. She did
however catch wind about me and Rich not speaking anymore. Ever since my cutoff from kaitlyn
I did try to reconcile with Rich, but unfortunately I think that door has been permanently
shut. The past 6 years really have taken a toll on so much. To think that Kaitlyn and me just
looked like we'd always somehow be connected. Now it's done as far as I can see.
It was such a weird thing to see that happen to me and Kaitlyn so many times as people would see us together. They just assumed we were together. Mrs. Lyons actually even said that the two of us were "Soul Mates". I really don't even know how that happened. But it happened from the very beginning of our relationship. When Kaitlyn was trying to get with Joe she caught static from a bunch of our friends because they all felt that she was betraying me. Even despite the fact that at the time we were hooking up still and I did secretly at the time did still want to be with her, I kept up the attitude of just letting her do whatever she wanted. I never wanted to be that controlling guy. However in a weird way I think she did want me to control her. I know she would never admit it, but I think that for a time she did really love me secretly. Tis a shame indeed.
Sometimes it's good to let loose the endless thoughts that once has without limits. In
fact it's one of the many rights that we deemed as "God-given". Ironically people use this
right to speak out against God or claim he doesn't actually exist. As for me I'm not too sure
if I would say that there is a deity watching over us and keeping watch. I do believe there is
a force that makes existence run smoothly. Some sort of life giving force that hasn't been
figured out yet. As I get older I do find science more and more interesting. Religion just
doesn't get that much interesting. It's extremely limitiing. For example wouldn't there be an
ongoing story instead of just of what's written in the bible. No story gets any better than the metanarrative that we all live in. Life is truly stranger than fiction.
Well I think that'll do.
The campus looks really pretty today. We had literally the perfect amount of snowfall
the other night which then froze over the next two days. Which is cool because there isn't
a huge amount of snow and ice, but the snow that did fall will be around for awhile just to
give the area a nice winter look to it. I like that.
I seem to have put myself in a dilemma. A moral conumdurum if you will. On Christmas eve a
bunch of the old choir buddies are meeting together to sing with Mrs. Lyons. This is really
awesome mostly because I haven't sung in a choir in a long time. It is also cool because I'll
get to see some old Kennedy cronies. There is however a possible downside. Mrs. Lyons wants
to get Kaitlyn to sing with us, which she has taken it upon herself to speak with Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn and I are for the time being not speaking or even interacting. So much so I have tried desperately to shut her off from my life. If she goes to the Christmas eve mass I will be forced to be in contact with her, and then who knows what might happen. So do I go to this
mass or do I avoid the situation if it so happens that Kaitlyn is going? Not a pretty scenario so far.
I guess on the grand scheme of things it really isn't a big deal. So if I have to see
her once more so what. It was probably bound to happen anyway. I mean I will be leaving in
January for a new school away from the area and I won't really be seeing much of my old life
again, for awhile anyway. Finally to be out on my own. It's a bit scary and yet thrilling at
the same time. Who knows what new challenges face me in the months to come. Will I be able to
keep up with the work? Will I be able to make new friends and start new relationships? Will I
get terribly homesick for the people I do love and adore? Or will I just embrace whatever the
future holds for me? It's quite fascinating. It'll be even more fascinating if I am able to
go into the city for school.
I wonder if anything will ever become of Britney and me? We have become pretty close
these past few months. Strangely enough I find myself not terribly attached to the idea of
starting some type relationship with her. I mean sure it would be fantastic for the time. The
Unfortunate thing about it is that we can't engage in some sort of relationship. Neither one of us can do long distance. The saddest thing about it is this though. Even though I would like tohave a fling with her, I don't know how much I could trust her. I am learning more and more astime goes by how fickle women are. I would definetly not say I hate them, just that I don'ttrust them so much. As much as Britney says she is straight with her affairs I still don't knowif I would be up to the task of attempting to trust her. But then again it's not really thattangible a thing. Maybe someday.
A thing that surprised me when I visited Mrs. Lyons was that when Kaitlyn was brought
up I couldn't bring myself to tell her the problems we were having. Although the only thing
I did mention was when she asked me if we were ever getting back together I just said "No, I
don't think so". I felt that Kathie didn't need to know everything that has gone on. The
women is very nostalgic about her Kennedy days. Let her keep her memories untampered. She did
however catch wind about me and Rich not speaking anymore. Ever since my cutoff from kaitlyn
I did try to reconcile with Rich, but unfortunately I think that door has been permanently
shut. The past 6 years really have taken a toll on so much. To think that Kaitlyn and me just
looked like we'd always somehow be connected. Now it's done as far as I can see.
It was such a weird thing to see that happen to me and Kaitlyn so many times as people would see us together. They just assumed we were together. Mrs. Lyons actually even said that the two of us were "Soul Mates". I really don't even know how that happened. But it happened from the very beginning of our relationship. When Kaitlyn was trying to get with Joe she caught static from a bunch of our friends because they all felt that she was betraying me. Even despite the fact that at the time we were hooking up still and I did secretly at the time did still want to be with her, I kept up the attitude of just letting her do whatever she wanted. I never wanted to be that controlling guy. However in a weird way I think she did want me to control her. I know she would never admit it, but I think that for a time she did really love me secretly. Tis a shame indeed.
Sometimes it's good to let loose the endless thoughts that once has without limits. In
fact it's one of the many rights that we deemed as "God-given". Ironically people use this
right to speak out against God or claim he doesn't actually exist. As for me I'm not too sure
if I would say that there is a deity watching over us and keeping watch. I do believe there is
a force that makes existence run smoothly. Some sort of life giving force that hasn't been
figured out yet. As I get older I do find science more and more interesting. Religion just
doesn't get that much interesting. It's extremely limitiing. For example wouldn't there be an
ongoing story instead of just of what's written in the bible. No story gets any better than the metanarrative that we all live in. Life is truly stranger than fiction.
Well I think that'll do.