What I know.......
I am in such a funk lately.
I am just completely unhappy. In every aspect of my life. My job stresses me out to no end. Every day I am afraid that I will get demoted. I feel like I suck at my job so bad. I hate it. It is so hard and always so much to do, I can never get it all done. I am expected to, though. I am PART TIME and I am expected to do as much work as a full time person. It isn't fair. I really hate it.
I don't ever talk to my friends. Not at work. Not at home. Not on the phone. I am left to wonder, "Did I do something to piss them off?" or "Maybe they don't want to be my friend anymore?" But since I can't ask them (because we don't speak anymore) I guess I just leave it at that. I guess they don't want to be my friend anymore. And I am not saying everyone. Obviously if you read this, that doesn't mean you.
I can't stand Mike anymore. All he does is fight with me. I try to be nice, he fights. I try to not say anything, he fights. I avoid him, he fights. I don't fight back. It isn't worth it to me. For example, (Haha this is so fucking brilliant) Today when he came home from work he asked me if I was gonna have my leftovers from lunch for dinner. I said "I don't know" He got all pissy with me and was yelling at me "Well what DO you know?"
YOU STUPID FUCKER.
So I told him. "What I KNOW is that I hate everyday I am here with you. I KNOW that I hate when you open your mouth because the only thing you want to do is to fight with me. What I KNOW is that I would rather be anywhere else but here. What I KNOW is that I am DONE with this."
Of course that just fueled him for another half hour of him yelling at me and me just staring blankly trying to ignore him. I should have known better. I ask him to stop and it will continue on for another 10 minutes.
I don't even care anymore.
The shit that spews from his mouth makes absolutely no sense. He needs to be in therapy because I think he has sustained too many blows to the head as a baby. I can't understand him when he tries to talk. He tries to sound intelligent, but he really sounds like an uneducated hick. For example (see if you can follow this) "What is it that you are not feeling that I am not doing or showing that isn't making you happy?" How the fuck can I answer a question when I can't even understand it???!!! He lacks ALL communication skills. He is severely handicapped in the art of basic speech.
I want to be so fucking far away. I think I am gonna book a cruise for Lili and I.
I should have known that Mike's family is all mentally fucked up so he must be as well. My fault, I guess.
In the meantime I will continue to despise my existance. No joke. Can't wait till this lifetime is over.
I am just completely unhappy. In every aspect of my life. My job stresses me out to no end. Every day I am afraid that I will get demoted. I feel like I suck at my job so bad. I hate it. It is so hard and always so much to do, I can never get it all done. I am expected to, though. I am PART TIME and I am expected to do as much work as a full time person. It isn't fair. I really hate it.
I don't ever talk to my friends. Not at work. Not at home. Not on the phone. I am left to wonder, "Did I do something to piss them off?" or "Maybe they don't want to be my friend anymore?" But since I can't ask them (because we don't speak anymore) I guess I just leave it at that. I guess they don't want to be my friend anymore. And I am not saying everyone. Obviously if you read this, that doesn't mean you.
I can't stand Mike anymore. All he does is fight with me. I try to be nice, he fights. I try to not say anything, he fights. I avoid him, he fights. I don't fight back. It isn't worth it to me. For example, (Haha this is so fucking brilliant) Today when he came home from work he asked me if I was gonna have my leftovers from lunch for dinner. I said "I don't know" He got all pissy with me and was yelling at me "Well what DO you know?"
YOU STUPID FUCKER.
So I told him. "What I KNOW is that I hate everyday I am here with you. I KNOW that I hate when you open your mouth because the only thing you want to do is to fight with me. What I KNOW is that I would rather be anywhere else but here. What I KNOW is that I am DONE with this."
Of course that just fueled him for another half hour of him yelling at me and me just staring blankly trying to ignore him. I should have known better. I ask him to stop and it will continue on for another 10 minutes.
I don't even care anymore.
The shit that spews from his mouth makes absolutely no sense. He needs to be in therapy because I think he has sustained too many blows to the head as a baby. I can't understand him when he tries to talk. He tries to sound intelligent, but he really sounds like an uneducated hick. For example (see if you can follow this) "What is it that you are not feeling that I am not doing or showing that isn't making you happy?" How the fuck can I answer a question when I can't even understand it???!!! He lacks ALL communication skills. He is severely handicapped in the art of basic speech.
I want to be so fucking far away. I think I am gonna book a cruise for Lili and I.
I should have known that Mike's family is all mentally fucked up so he must be as well. My fault, I guess.
In the meantime I will continue to despise my existance. No joke. Can't wait till this lifetime is over.