a few things
I'm bored of Electronics and amplifiers and transistors for the moment.
I need to get a few things off my chest, since I'm being my usual idiot self and killing myself with worry:
1. I'm worrying about the boyfriend.
This is self-explanatory. I'm moody, haven't seen him, he's finishing school tomorrow for good, and we're leaving each other soon.
I'm afraid I won't be able to wait or take being such a long distance from each other.
I don't know if we'll survive the summer.
None of my relationships have survived it.
He's moving to Ottawa to begin his new life. And I don't know if I can trust him or myself. What if he falls out of love with me, just like Mark and Attila did?
2. I'm worrying about my job
I have a choice to make.
I have to find a job for 8 weeks, then make sure all of my arrangements are ready and go away then for 12 more to London, England. And probably lose a lot of money during the summer.
OR
I stay at home in Oakville, alone, working where my mom and my sister work. Make 7,000 grand.
Either help pay off my debts and my tuition for next year, or go have hopefully the best 12 weeks in Europe.
3. I'm worrying about next year
I have to find motivation to get back into things.
Music used to define my entire being. Art used to be a close second. I don't draw anymore nor do I play music very often.
I need to find inspiration. To get over this semi-depression I have on these because of my medical condition.
To be honest, I want to perform and contribute and feel something not like I do every day.
I need to make Queen's Players or Bands, make both fashion shows, and join Haidong Gumbo. I probably will take either an art history minor, or music elective.
If I don't do this, I am going to be the most miserable human being ever.
4. I'm worrying about my future
What the hell do I want out of life?
I want to pay off my debts and travel. Japan is a DREAM I've had for years. Germany is one as well.
Will I be leaving people behind that actually want me here?
What if I decide to stay for my family, or for a boyfriend, or for friends, and then they end up making me unhappy, or they leave me? Can I take that risk? Or what if they don't wait for me or forgive me for leaving?
5. I'm worrying about my friends
Sarah is a wonderful friend, but I worry always because she means a lot to me, and I suck at this.
Melissa is great, and she deserves every good thing that has happened to her. I just hope to not lose touch like I usually do.
Victoria and I don't get as along as we probably used to. We're pissing each other off during being housemates. I also feel a huge disconnect with her. and it's because of EngSoc.
Mike, Ryan, Jill, Jess, the list goes on.
Everyone is involved around me.
And I hate it.
I'm being left out.
I'm over being involved, because it was bad for my health, and these people put me down far too much. You become a lifeless robot.
But now I am officially cast out of the clique they've created.
I don't want to have anything to do with people envolved.
Sad part is, they are all my friends. And have been.
But they have better lives now. Lives that don't seem to include me.
So here you go.
All of my current worries.
In a silver platter.
I need to get a few things off my chest, since I'm being my usual idiot self and killing myself with worry:
1. I'm worrying about the boyfriend.
This is self-explanatory. I'm moody, haven't seen him, he's finishing school tomorrow for good, and we're leaving each other soon.
I'm afraid I won't be able to wait or take being such a long distance from each other.
I don't know if we'll survive the summer.
None of my relationships have survived it.
He's moving to Ottawa to begin his new life. And I don't know if I can trust him or myself. What if he falls out of love with me, just like Mark and Attila did?
2. I'm worrying about my job
I have a choice to make.
I have to find a job for 8 weeks, then make sure all of my arrangements are ready and go away then for 12 more to London, England. And probably lose a lot of money during the summer.
OR
I stay at home in Oakville, alone, working where my mom and my sister work. Make 7,000 grand.
Either help pay off my debts and my tuition for next year, or go have hopefully the best 12 weeks in Europe.
3. I'm worrying about next year
I have to find motivation to get back into things.
Music used to define my entire being. Art used to be a close second. I don't draw anymore nor do I play music very often.
I need to find inspiration. To get over this semi-depression I have on these because of my medical condition.
To be honest, I want to perform and contribute and feel something not like I do every day.
I need to make Queen's Players or Bands, make both fashion shows, and join Haidong Gumbo. I probably will take either an art history minor, or music elective.
If I don't do this, I am going to be the most miserable human being ever.
4. I'm worrying about my future
What the hell do I want out of life?
I want to pay off my debts and travel. Japan is a DREAM I've had for years. Germany is one as well.
Will I be leaving people behind that actually want me here?
What if I decide to stay for my family, or for a boyfriend, or for friends, and then they end up making me unhappy, or they leave me? Can I take that risk? Or what if they don't wait for me or forgive me for leaving?
5. I'm worrying about my friends
Sarah is a wonderful friend, but I worry always because she means a lot to me, and I suck at this.
Melissa is great, and she deserves every good thing that has happened to her. I just hope to not lose touch like I usually do.
Victoria and I don't get as along as we probably used to. We're pissing each other off during being housemates. I also feel a huge disconnect with her. and it's because of EngSoc.
Mike, Ryan, Jill, Jess, the list goes on.
Everyone is involved around me.
And I hate it.
I'm being left out.
I'm over being involved, because it was bad for my health, and these people put me down far too much. You become a lifeless robot.
But now I am officially cast out of the clique they've created.
I don't want to have anything to do with people envolved.
Sad part is, they are all my friends. And have been.
But they have better lives now. Lives that don't seem to include me.
So here you go.
All of my current worries.
In a silver platter.