Pink thoughts.
Ok. So, my hair is now an ultra-short bright pink bob. Because, A. I did not like the shape the cut I got a month ago had grown into, and it has not really grown enough to warrant another haircut--they are costly, and I am pretty damn good. B. It is pink because I had pink dye to use up, and I HATED the orangy color it had faded to. So, I'm looking a little bit goth now. As for how I am feeling, a bit tired, and I am sad because John's life has been getting more miserable by the hour since I have left him for the first time in nearly four days. Nothing is quite working out for him, he couldn't quite come to Maryland with me, and so I had to abandon him to his family, in an apartment that is far too small for them and him. *sigh*
So I also said that I would mention how I was feeling last night when I decided to turn around and go back to John's instead of home:
A. It was distance wise about 50/50.
B. Traffic was going to be worse heading home than heading to John's.
C. A& B are justification: I would prefer to be with him than with my mother. Big surprise.
So, given that, I had "valid" reasons for turning around. Here are the more subtle ones:
A. John said he would fix me something-- even thought it was only cereal, that is better than nothing.
B. On the phone to my mother I said I was taking the path of least resistence by going back north. This is true-- it is better for me emotionally to stay the hell away from here.
C. John takes good care of me. Even though all we ended up having for dinner was cereal, he still sort of... made it.
He also forced me to get under the blakents because I was cold, and when I got nauseous he made me drink the soda concentrate that would make me feel better.
D. When I took the bottom of his couch because his dad was on "my" couch, and the dog was in the chair, he eventually gave me some of the blankets that are "too small to share..." Even though they are too small to share, he shared. It is a really little thing...but it really made me feel cared for. And there were two other unused blankets on the other side of the room, too. It's not anythign big, it's just a small shift in our friendship-- I had a really bad day, with that thing with my mother, and I let him take care of me. Daring, I know. For normal people this is nothing--But I hate being waited on, I hate being a bother. And yet. Not that I was a complete slug at their house, but I let John baby me a little. I wait on him at school anyway. But...Ugh, i'm rambling. The main point is that he is being a really good friend...and I am not fighting it. For once. And it was nice to take the "path of least resistence," but also strange, sicne for me, it is usually easist for me to fend people off, rather than just letting them care for me a little bit. So it was actually a really brave move to go back there and crash. Rather than going home and being miserable and yeah...all of that. So. That is it. Deep thoughts and deep pink hair.
So I also said that I would mention how I was feeling last night when I decided to turn around and go back to John's instead of home:
A. It was distance wise about 50/50.
B. Traffic was going to be worse heading home than heading to John's.
C. A& B are justification: I would prefer to be with him than with my mother. Big surprise.
So, given that, I had "valid" reasons for turning around. Here are the more subtle ones:
A. John said he would fix me something-- even thought it was only cereal, that is better than nothing.
B. On the phone to my mother I said I was taking the path of least resistence by going back north. This is true-- it is better for me emotionally to stay the hell away from here.
C. John takes good care of me. Even though all we ended up having for dinner was cereal, he still sort of... made it.
He also forced me to get under the blakents because I was cold, and when I got nauseous he made me drink the soda concentrate that would make me feel better.
D. When I took the bottom of his couch because his dad was on "my" couch, and the dog was in the chair, he eventually gave me some of the blankets that are "too small to share..." Even though they are too small to share, he shared. It is a really little thing...but it really made me feel cared for. And there were two other unused blankets on the other side of the room, too. It's not anythign big, it's just a small shift in our friendship-- I had a really bad day, with that thing with my mother, and I let him take care of me. Daring, I know. For normal people this is nothing--But I hate being waited on, I hate being a bother. And yet. Not that I was a complete slug at their house, but I let John baby me a little. I wait on him at school anyway. But...Ugh, i'm rambling. The main point is that he is being a really good friend...and I am not fighting it. For once. And it was nice to take the "path of least resistence," but also strange, sicne for me, it is usually easist for me to fend people off, rather than just letting them care for me a little bit. So it was actually a really brave move to go back there and crash. Rather than going home and being miserable and yeah...all of that. So. That is it. Deep thoughts and deep pink hair.