Christmas
So yesterday I went out and got coffee with Matt, and it was lovely seeing him, so that was all exciting, but Shel couldn't make it, and that sucked. *sigh* And I went and dropped off the Palmigiano family Christmas presents. And that was cool, Nick's mommy (MJ) was so happy to see me. And she was like, "ahh, I did't get you any presents..." So she has an excuse to shop now. Ha. And Nick I think is mad because I got him something. And I was like, I have stuff for your birthday and graduation too...and he was like, "Stop, just stop." Which is funny, because I know he feels guilty. Asswipe. Ha. Yeah, they are little things, or things that I already had. So. The funny thing is, he had bought me a birthday present, or so he said, but he never gave it to me. How much you wanna bet he gave it to his new girlfriend? It amuses me, because she is a total hippie--so the gift has to be utterly innapropritate for one of us--and one would hope her, since he bought it for me. *sigh* Getting that miserable lonely feeling again. AND my mother has been reading into things that are not there, again, and as usual, making strange prophesies about the future. And about what the behavior of my firends *cough* dictates about my strange MARRIED future. She is SO strange, She just needs to lay off. She was nasty this morning, but for christmas she said I did not have to pay her back for my new art glass vase ( it's green) or my expensive, and HEAVILY discounted new jewelry box, so... And I got earrings from Lynn+ claire, and a book and a picture frame and the usual gift from Ted + elina, and, ta-da, a generous gift from Braxton + Judy, with more to come for my grades. So, yeah. That is life. Still heading to NJ on the 28th, provided my moms car gets out of the shop tomorrow. It has to, they had promosed it last week, and I need to go for the sake of my sanity. I am kinda lonely. Surrounded by people and lonely still. Yeah, that's life. I'm going to bed before I start to wallow. I'm kinda pissed that John could not spare 10 seconds today to call me back and wish me "Merry Christmas" I just hope that my call did not get him in trouble with Danielle. I debated about not calling, but I decided that it was Christmas, and as I friend I had every right to call. Ok, yeah, I'm at that meds+ bed point. I had horrible nightmares last night, and no nap, so I am really tired. Which is probably why I am getting the post holiday blues. That. Ugh. I hate being alone. After Will it was fine--I wanted to be alone, but I don't want to be alone. It's just that there is no one I want to be with, either. And thus is my connundrum. All these happy people, or pseudo-happy, or whatever people in relationships. And me. Alone. Merry Christmas, friends. And an excruciating and miserable festivus to the universe, since it seems to have visited one upon me at this late hour. Ugh, I need to not think. Constant distraction is what I need, or, I don't know, to meet someone worth my time, who I can talk to, and who I have physical and emotional chemistry with. Is that too much to ask? It would appear that way. Ok. Bedtime now, really, before I make myself even more miserable. I'm ok, just whiny. Pay me no mind. In the grand scheme of things I really have a charmed little life.