um. yes. ok
I don't know who i am anymore.
do you?
I'm blatently not the same person you first talked to all that time ago. I'm not the same person who was permanently in tears. who hated herself and who was some kind of manic annorexic. I'm not that person and i know i'm not. she's still inside me. and she comes out sometimes. and you usually have to deal with that. but i'm doing ok now. I don't take pills in the wrong quanitity,. i don't drink myself stupid for the purpose of causing myself harm.
I left college a different person to the one who started. I'm not the happiest of people. infact i'm insecure. i don't like myself most of the time. but i'm ok with who i've become. and i don't care if that's an "emofag" or whatever. I've found something in "emo" music that i can relate to. maybe it's because i've had the shittest year of my life. maybe it's because i've experienced the death of the closest person to me. maybe it's because i've fallen in love and lost him. or maybe it's because i've just hit some kind of deep weird level in my life right now.
I've lost some close friends. but i've gotten so much closer to others. like joe. a year ago me and joe spoke occasionally. went out together because we had friends in common. now. i trust him with my life. i feel like i can tell him stuff. and i like to think he could like vice verse type thing. i wouldn't care if no-one came out with us cause we have such a laugh together. and i think if i hadn't changed it wouldnt be that way. i wouldn't have him as such a good friend.
I've become stronger as a person. it doest feel that way, but when i look at what i've dealt with recently, i'm proud that i didnt fall back into my old ways. i havent stopped eating for weeks. i haven't drank myself stupid whilst on meds. and i haven't stuck a blade into my skin. and i'm so proud. i've never been so proud. i don't care anymore that my parents are more interested in my sister. i dont care that we dont see eye to eye, and that they don't understand me. and i'm not saying that to shrug it off. i truly feel that way. we've come to accept that we're different. and i can deal with that. I'm happy as who i am. people may not like me anymore because of the change. but i like me more. and that's got to count for something right?
oh and. i know this doesnt apply to you.
but.
so fucking what if i wear black nail varnish. and black make up.
and converse. and a studded belt. and tops with oh-so-emo pictures.
fuck you whores
do you?
I'm blatently not the same person you first talked to all that time ago. I'm not the same person who was permanently in tears. who hated herself and who was some kind of manic annorexic. I'm not that person and i know i'm not. she's still inside me. and she comes out sometimes. and you usually have to deal with that. but i'm doing ok now. I don't take pills in the wrong quanitity,. i don't drink myself stupid for the purpose of causing myself harm.
I left college a different person to the one who started. I'm not the happiest of people. infact i'm insecure. i don't like myself most of the time. but i'm ok with who i've become. and i don't care if that's an "emofag" or whatever. I've found something in "emo" music that i can relate to. maybe it's because i've had the shittest year of my life. maybe it's because i've experienced the death of the closest person to me. maybe it's because i've fallen in love and lost him. or maybe it's because i've just hit some kind of deep weird level in my life right now.
I've lost some close friends. but i've gotten so much closer to others. like joe. a year ago me and joe spoke occasionally. went out together because we had friends in common. now. i trust him with my life. i feel like i can tell him stuff. and i like to think he could like vice verse type thing. i wouldn't care if no-one came out with us cause we have such a laugh together. and i think if i hadn't changed it wouldnt be that way. i wouldn't have him as such a good friend.
I've become stronger as a person. it doest feel that way, but when i look at what i've dealt with recently, i'm proud that i didnt fall back into my old ways. i havent stopped eating for weeks. i haven't drank myself stupid whilst on meds. and i haven't stuck a blade into my skin. and i'm so proud. i've never been so proud. i don't care anymore that my parents are more interested in my sister. i dont care that we dont see eye to eye, and that they don't understand me. and i'm not saying that to shrug it off. i truly feel that way. we've come to accept that we're different. and i can deal with that. I'm happy as who i am. people may not like me anymore because of the change. but i like me more. and that's got to count for something right?
oh and. i know this doesnt apply to you.
but.
so fucking what if i wear black nail varnish. and black make up.
and converse. and a studded belt. and tops with oh-so-emo pictures.
fuck you whores