I really wish I didn't have to start the new year on a negative note.
But it's become apparant that
christhegoth has been having a pop at me again.
For some time I've put off writing a public entry on the subject - I really should have done some time ago, but I had a very silly hope all this would go away!
I truly wish he'd ditch this ~ at no point in my life have I ever been "out to get" anyone. I certainly have no current feelings towards him wishing his demise. To this point in time I've been pretty apathetic really. I've kept an eye out for the numerous other women he's behaved in his usual bizarre way towards, and occasionally dipped into his journal to check on whether he's still ranting on about me. It seems he is...
As the great Oscar Wilde put it "always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much". That's generally my take on life - although I like to think that "enemy" is far too strong a word in this case as it implies that I did something to deserve it and I don't have time in my life for enemies. My life revolves around having a good time with my boyfriened and my friends, trying to do well in my job, pampering my cats and enjoying my hobbies. I don't have time for online flame wars, petty arguments or abating rediculous accusations, and I try to stay as far away from this sort of thing as possible. In fact I'm resenting the fact that I'm writing this post during my lunch hour rather than going to the TopShop sale!
I am fed up with being the subject of vicious rumour and untrue accusations. The most recent is that I have practiced medicine without a licence. TBH I can't even see what could possibly have sparked this. I may in the past have mentioned to Chris that I worked in a nursing home (which I did from about 2000 to the end of 2003 when my back started playing up and forced me to leave, I was gutted by this as I really had wanted to continue doing it, and had looked at nursing courses to become a fully qualified nurse, which by this point was moving towards being a graduate career which would require going to uni. I worked initially as a catering assistant and in 2002 I started working as a carer, which is a medical support role. I wasn't qualified to distribute medicine).
I don't particularly want to go into any of the other bizarre fantasies he's created about me. Most of what I would write is conveniently posted on this entry though:
http://ms-jinxme.livejournal.com/39984.html And also in these friend's only posts:
http://spangle-kitten.livejournal.com/430181.html http://spangle-kitten.livejournal.com/436948.html I am also fed up with him stating that the reason I stopped talking to him was because of Glen. I want to state here, for the record, that Glen had nothing to do with that decision. Chris made that decision for behaving in the way that he did.
Chris has tried to state that Glen manipulates and controls me, and is a jealous and posessive partner who didn't like me being around Chris. This is complete nonsense and a slight on Glen's character. (Though he didn't like me being around Chris, but that was nothing to do with him being jealous.)
All I tried to do was help him, and he threw it back at me. This I find upsetting, frustrating and also just downright miffed.
I will expand on the way I tried to help though, and hopefully if he sees this it might finally get through to him. A good friend will tell you when you're going wrong in life; a bad friend will see where you're going wrong and say nothing.
I tried to get him to do the philosophical debate exercise which involves taking a big step back from the situation and try and look at it from a different angle. It's a technique used in therepy, in legal arguments and also just to help one see the world from a slightly different point of view. I felt that Chris was seeing things from a very negative angle, and that by seeing things in this way he was hurting himself. I felt that on a couple of occasions he took something incredibly personally and got very upset about something that was very unlikely to be a personal snub.
By offering alternative scenarios and points of view he interpreted me as "taking sides", "making things up", "only using part of the information"...and in the end I sensed that all he really wanted was for someone to say "there there, you're the one that's right" and we really were getting nowhere. I was not prepared to pamper his ego. He wanted my opinions - I told them to him, but they were not what he wanted to hear so I became "the enemy"
But all this time on he's still having a pop at me on lj ~ making nasty, false, outright libelous and upsetting slights on me. So I just want it out in the void that I tried to help and I failed. In fact I feel like a complete fool for bothering for so long what it was becoming ever clearer that it was pointless.
I find it particularly telling that the second someone dared to suggest that his way of thinking was possibly a little skewed by creating "coincidences" where there really were none (and moreover that it was a "dangerous, scary way to be thinking" and that the "coincidences" were created by "fears projected onto normal happenings/activity"...heh....exactly what I tried to get through to him) he immediately lashed out at her and said "I hope your not going to become like Libby"
Any more of that sort of talk and she'll be out as well - and a monster - just like everyone else...and there have been many.
But, if you read this...please Chris, just leave it. For goodness' sake. I was not out to hurt you, if I did, it was unintentional, and I'm sorry. My intention was to try to be nice, to try and get through to you that the way you often think and draw parallels between events is very damaging - I'm more sorry you didn't see that.
Just please let me get on with my life and not keep dragging me into this rediculous situation. I've ignored your repeated requests for re-adding on LJ and facebook, let alone friendship in real life, for a reason: I just don't have the time, nor the emotional energy to deal with it.
You really didn't appreciate that I would often use my lunch break to write to you, that I would put off doing work and then work late to catch up in order to write to you, that I would go home in the evening and think about what I was going to write to you.
I realised that I was putting more energy into trying to help you than I was giving to my relationship - and as a result my relationship started showing considerable strain. And I'm certainly not going to be in a position where I have to choose between spending time and energy writing considered emails and LJ comments, only to have them thrown back at me, and the relationship I have with Glen.
So please...stop calling me names, stop spreading malicious and libelous rumours about me and please realise I was not out to get you and take me off your ever expanding list of conspiritors. Thanks.
And can I also just make it clear that I have never, ever, worked in medical admin.