"inside the mind of a pitchfork media journalist"
ok.
review time. gotta pick an album.
i could pick an album that's actually good. no, no, wait. that would mean i'd have to let down my elitist guard and give up my indie trendy cred. people wouldn't let me sit by them at the hookah bars, i'd have to give up my messenger bag, THEY MAY EVEN TEAR OFF MY SCENExCORE PATCHES!
ah fuck. fuck, what am i gonna do?!
anything that is remotely famous i'm not allowed to like. if anybody besides the inner circle of my cool friends has heard of it, it automatically gets 2 stars. WHAT DO I DO??!?
I KNOW.
i'll review god awful music, say it's good and confuse the hell out of most music fans but have the rest eating out of my fucking hand! yes!
ok. ah yes, what do we have here? hm, no name, must be obscure!
*puts in cd player*
first track. hm, boring, i love it.
noise, more noise, yes, yes, yes!
no vocals, just random ramblings and samples. i LOVE that.
oh, these tracks sound like old folk songs!
*same boring repetitive shit filler*
this song is upbeat and goofy! ah yeah! makes me feel soooo good to be indie.
ohhhhh boy, this one has like 9 people contributing. most of them are just kinda, ya know "there" and add some bullshit percussion we don't even hear, but the kids won't ever know that. i mean, being musically talented is soooooooooo last year. we're all about making shit tons of noise without any real musical arrangement.
why?
because we're fucking indie, that's why. fuck making music, we put a bunch of godawful shit on CDs because we're artists. tortured, but silent. fashionable, but thrift store chic. our hair is short, our beards are long. we don't really make sense, and the shit we listen to isn't really moving or, you know, relevant. but we LOVE noise, and if you don't, get the fuck out. we're weird and unconventional just for the sake of being weird and unconventional.
hooray! my review is done. it fits all the requirements: glorifies shit that there's no way people spent more than a few hours creating, creates something for indie trendy kids at college campuses everywhere to know good from bad from, and maybe even puts down... ya know... *whispers* real music *whispers*
all in day's work at pitchfork media.
review time. gotta pick an album.
i could pick an album that's actually good. no, no, wait. that would mean i'd have to let down my elitist guard and give up my indie trendy cred. people wouldn't let me sit by them at the hookah bars, i'd have to give up my messenger bag, THEY MAY EVEN TEAR OFF MY SCENExCORE PATCHES!
ah fuck. fuck, what am i gonna do?!
anything that is remotely famous i'm not allowed to like. if anybody besides the inner circle of my cool friends has heard of it, it automatically gets 2 stars. WHAT DO I DO??!?
I KNOW.
i'll review god awful music, say it's good and confuse the hell out of most music fans but have the rest eating out of my fucking hand! yes!
ok. ah yes, what do we have here? hm, no name, must be obscure!
*puts in cd player*
first track. hm, boring, i love it.
noise, more noise, yes, yes, yes!
no vocals, just random ramblings and samples. i LOVE that.
oh, these tracks sound like old folk songs!
*same boring repetitive shit filler*
this song is upbeat and goofy! ah yeah! makes me feel soooo good to be indie.
ohhhhh boy, this one has like 9 people contributing. most of them are just kinda, ya know "there" and add some bullshit percussion we don't even hear, but the kids won't ever know that. i mean, being musically talented is soooooooooo last year. we're all about making shit tons of noise without any real musical arrangement.
why?
because we're fucking indie, that's why. fuck making music, we put a bunch of godawful shit on CDs because we're artists. tortured, but silent. fashionable, but thrift store chic. our hair is short, our beards are long. we don't really make sense, and the shit we listen to isn't really moving or, you know, relevant. but we LOVE noise, and if you don't, get the fuck out. we're weird and unconventional just for the sake of being weird and unconventional.
hooray! my review is done. it fits all the requirements: glorifies shit that there's no way people spent more than a few hours creating, creates something for indie trendy kids at college campuses everywhere to know good from bad from, and maybe even puts down... ya know... *whispers* real music *whispers*
all in day's work at pitchfork media.