awakening
I feel like a child who has grown into an adult overnight. Things are now becoming more clear then I wish that they would.......it's making the real life I lead very difficult. I've cried in front of total strangers this week, and cried alone in a dirty Hot Topic bathroom, holding a stuffed animal to my chest like a security blanket, like my salvation. And when I cry, it's for a life that was cut way too short........for a person that could have been more then he was, but chose to settle for the easy path. I cry for the people who are hurting right now, because he is gone and can not touch our lives. And I cry for me. I haven't felt this lonely since I was about 12 years old and no one understood me, or even cared to. I cry for the life that could have been built, the things we could have done and the times we just laid in each others arms and talked about weird subjects, and the weather, and music......and how we would always be together. But I am alone, and everyday without him is like an eternity. An endless desert. A barren womb. I miss you so much more then I can explain, or even care to. There are no words to describe this permanent fracture of my being. I love you forever, and until everything goes away.