Somewhere things went terribly wrong
I awoke this morning and knew before I even reached to silence my alarm that things are now different than they used to be.
I discussed my need to change with a friend and they simply laughed at me and said that I will end up like all the other men. This I refuse to accept.
All to often I am called a slut/whore by even my closest friends. It would be all fun and games if they didnt mean it seriously.
Im not. But I woke up this morning and realized that where I am at in life is not where I want to be. I dont know exactly whats wrong with life but I know that the things im doing are not what I want to be doing. At some point I switched over into an instinctual mode and have been running that way since. Regardless. Things must be clarified and fixed.
3, thats the number that has earned my my whorish reputation. granted all the situations were not your normal scenarios, but what in life is. have I been doing things I regret lately. yes, and I going to stop. Yes.
Granted they are my freinds I cant continue this right now.
I need to start taking college classes. I need to finish up projects I have. I need to figure out my love life. I need to figure out why i stare at the ceiling every night trying to figure out who I am now.
I need a restart.
I ran seven miles wednesday. its fullfilling but i still have more distance to train for the disney half marathon. which im still hoping to be able to go on since I have still received no word on anything job related. which is causing stress. mostly because im worried i may be breaking promises to people back home if I cant go home.
Im exhausted. I need to retake controll of my life and stop making stupid decisions. I need to work on so many things...
fuck i need a vacation.