(no subject)
I had as close to a breakdown today as I've ever really had since HS. What was I doing? Making food.
For the next 2 days, I have roommates. One hates me, and the other one has more important things than to care. I'm pretty sure I'm part of the reason one of my roommates is seeing a therapist. When I go into the living room, the other roommate's door promptly closes, no matter what I'm doing. When I try and be sociable, I get snubbed, generally every time i try to talk to her, I get a one word response and a vibe that screams 'leave me the fuck alone, i hate you'. The only safe place I have anymore in my own home is my room, which is why I barely leave it anymore. My pets arn't allowed in the living room anymore, either. Not by rule (until i got bitched at to never let them near the new couch, even though they hadn't been out of my room in months) but mostly because one roommate is allergic to them and the other has a rabbit that would eat them. Second class roommate and her second class pets.
I have no boyfriend, and no best friend with whom to talk to and get all these pent up feelings off my chest. The one guy who's close to that anymore in Lubbock is Micheal, and he recently got a new girlfriend.. ya, more happy feelings to try and bottle up inside there. I have a guy who I like, but he's in California. Yay, my one confidante in the world lives too far away to even give me a damn hug when I'm feeling like shit. I have a friend in Houston who's great to pass time with, get away from the real world, but he's only in Houston. Again, when I'm in lubbock, I have no one I can connect with.
Yes, I do have friends.. and i've tried oh so hard to spend as much time out with them as I can, to escape my own house. I honestly am just trying to survive the time from now until I move out, hoping, just hoping, that when I'm in Houston I won't feel like I'm worthless and hated anymore.
The sad part is, as much as I need to get all this off my chest, I'm still afraid to post it. Know why? Because I expect tomorrow one or both of the roommates are going to send me angry AIM messages (note the lack of face-to-face conversation) saying that I'm totally wrong, and bitchy, and something else that makes everything my fault, again. But I'm done, I really am. Friday I move out completely. Saturday I go to Houston. And I wish them luck with a new roommate, I hope she does better than I did.
For the next 2 days, I have roommates. One hates me, and the other one has more important things than to care. I'm pretty sure I'm part of the reason one of my roommates is seeing a therapist. When I go into the living room, the other roommate's door promptly closes, no matter what I'm doing. When I try and be sociable, I get snubbed, generally every time i try to talk to her, I get a one word response and a vibe that screams 'leave me the fuck alone, i hate you'. The only safe place I have anymore in my own home is my room, which is why I barely leave it anymore. My pets arn't allowed in the living room anymore, either. Not by rule (until i got bitched at to never let them near the new couch, even though they hadn't been out of my room in months) but mostly because one roommate is allergic to them and the other has a rabbit that would eat them. Second class roommate and her second class pets.
I have no boyfriend, and no best friend with whom to talk to and get all these pent up feelings off my chest. The one guy who's close to that anymore in Lubbock is Micheal, and he recently got a new girlfriend.. ya, more happy feelings to try and bottle up inside there. I have a guy who I like, but he's in California. Yay, my one confidante in the world lives too far away to even give me a damn hug when I'm feeling like shit. I have a friend in Houston who's great to pass time with, get away from the real world, but he's only in Houston. Again, when I'm in lubbock, I have no one I can connect with.
Yes, I do have friends.. and i've tried oh so hard to spend as much time out with them as I can, to escape my own house. I honestly am just trying to survive the time from now until I move out, hoping, just hoping, that when I'm in Houston I won't feel like I'm worthless and hated anymore.
The sad part is, as much as I need to get all this off my chest, I'm still afraid to post it. Know why? Because I expect tomorrow one or both of the roommates are going to send me angry AIM messages (note the lack of face-to-face conversation) saying that I'm totally wrong, and bitchy, and something else that makes everything my fault, again. But I'm done, I really am. Friday I move out completely. Saturday I go to Houston. And I wish them luck with a new roommate, I hope she does better than I did.