goldfish are on crack, naturally
You know, my sister was on to something when she said I looked like a guppy (this was when we were kids, and she was probably trying to irk me. Punk.) - I have the attention span of a goldfish. I can't concentrate on things for long periods of time. How I got through four years of college is a virtual miracle. Anyway, since I have random thoughts on just about everything, and this journal is erratic as it is, I won't try to go against the IMMINENT CHAOS OF MY PSYCHE.
Airplanes
Up to this summer I've had very good luck with seatmates. I've had manga readers, scrabble players, and old men who drink copious amounts of tomato juice. They've all been cool, not just because of their hobbies, but because they left me alone after the initial chitchat. Not so this past month. I should say right out that I am not the most congenial plane rider. I like to sleep and I like to read on planes so as to hide my inner traveling nastiness. The only exception is if I'm friends with the person sitting next to me, and there is Spanish Men's Dance Aerobics on the screen in front of us. Then that is a good time in itself.
Anyway, so my flight home from Maine sucked the life. I sat next to this weird (and not cool weird either, creepy weird) businessman who was going to Las Vegas. He wouldn't shut up, not even when I wanted to sleep. I mean, he actually had the nerve to wake me up. He was all, "you're not really sleepy, are you?" Well, gee Mr. Creepy Businessman! You are so incredibly right! What am I doing trying to sleep when I am not sleepy? Silly me, I was pretending the whole time so that I wouldn't have to converse with a douchebag like you."
Thankfully, I left that guy on the layover in Minnesota. After the interrogation about whether I "danced those beautiful Hawaiian dances" and "what do I do to stay in such great shape?" - I finally got my comeuppance. When asked what to do in Las Vegas, besides gambling away his life savings, I told him to go see CELINE DION. HAHA, I HOPE SHE YODELS AT HIM.
My second flight wasn't so bad. The new seatmate was a science teacher, originally from Kenya, going to a conference. While not creepy, he talked non-stop, even when I was sleeping or trying to read. Some of his talk frightened me, especially the biology theories that went right over my head. It was like that Far Side strip where the dog listening to his owner only hears "blah blah blah Fido blah blah..."; I am the dog of the science world. All I remember hearing was "blah blah molecules blah blah molecules..." Actually, my vocabulary might be a bit more extensive than a dogs. I also recognized the word "oxygen."
Weddings
As most of you know, my sister is getting married, and this is a Big Deal in our family! Finally someone not knocked up while jetting down the aisle! But in all seriousness, weddings are special, no matter how hard Britney Spears tries to prove otherwise.
My sister and her fiance Keoki won a five hundred dollar gift certificate at this Bridal Expo they went to. Shopping for the wedding dress was cool, kind of like shopping for a prom dress, just five times as expensive. But it's okay since weddings are actually fun. Anyway, while taking pictures and modeling dresses is fine and dandy, the best thing about it all happened to be the crazy owner. This guy was like the uncle no one talks about (the uncle everyone talks about). And he was helping us make an extremely important purchase. If those aren't good hands, I don't know what are!
So while his shopgirl assisted my sister in various gowns, the storeowner took us to this waiting area, and impressed my mom and I with his scary obsession over his shi tzu, Bento. Between tips on What Not To Feed Dogs ("My last shi tzu had a heart attack" "Oh, we're sorry" "Yeah. Ice cream twice a day probably isn't a good idea"), to how to effectively kills ticks ("Ooh, I got one! Can you hand me the pliers there?" "Oh... sure" "Now see. You have to burn them. That's why I always carry a lighter"), we were all enlightened when we left the store.
When we went back to the store to make the purchase, the shopowner's wife was there instead. Since she was disappointingly sane, I went to look for Bento. Not because I thought he was dead or anything, just to... make sure he was still alive. On my mission to find the dog - he was under the chair with lots of condiments: ketchup, mustard, peanut butter, and two jars of grape jam - I spotted this cloth peeking out of the dressing room. Curious, I went to investigate, and lo and behold, the faint sound of snoring came out from under the cloth, a blanket. The dressing room doubled as a nap space for the crazy shopowner.
And that is all. Back to being a goldfish now.
Airplanes
Up to this summer I've had very good luck with seatmates. I've had manga readers, scrabble players, and old men who drink copious amounts of tomato juice. They've all been cool, not just because of their hobbies, but because they left me alone after the initial chitchat. Not so this past month. I should say right out that I am not the most congenial plane rider. I like to sleep and I like to read on planes so as to hide my inner traveling nastiness. The only exception is if I'm friends with the person sitting next to me, and there is Spanish Men's Dance Aerobics on the screen in front of us. Then that is a good time in itself.
Anyway, so my flight home from Maine sucked the life. I sat next to this weird (and not cool weird either, creepy weird) businessman who was going to Las Vegas. He wouldn't shut up, not even when I wanted to sleep. I mean, he actually had the nerve to wake me up. He was all, "you're not really sleepy, are you?" Well, gee Mr. Creepy Businessman! You are so incredibly right! What am I doing trying to sleep when I am not sleepy? Silly me, I was pretending the whole time so that I wouldn't have to converse with a douchebag like you."
Thankfully, I left that guy on the layover in Minnesota. After the interrogation about whether I "danced those beautiful Hawaiian dances" and "what do I do to stay in such great shape?" - I finally got my comeuppance. When asked what to do in Las Vegas, besides gambling away his life savings, I told him to go see CELINE DION. HAHA, I HOPE SHE YODELS AT HIM.
My second flight wasn't so bad. The new seatmate was a science teacher, originally from Kenya, going to a conference. While not creepy, he talked non-stop, even when I was sleeping or trying to read. Some of his talk frightened me, especially the biology theories that went right over my head. It was like that Far Side strip where the dog listening to his owner only hears "blah blah blah Fido blah blah..."; I am the dog of the science world. All I remember hearing was "blah blah molecules blah blah molecules..." Actually, my vocabulary might be a bit more extensive than a dogs. I also recognized the word "oxygen."
Weddings
As most of you know, my sister is getting married, and this is a Big Deal in our family! Finally someone not knocked up while jetting down the aisle! But in all seriousness, weddings are special, no matter how hard Britney Spears tries to prove otherwise.
My sister and her fiance Keoki won a five hundred dollar gift certificate at this Bridal Expo they went to. Shopping for the wedding dress was cool, kind of like shopping for a prom dress, just five times as expensive. But it's okay since weddings are actually fun. Anyway, while taking pictures and modeling dresses is fine and dandy, the best thing about it all happened to be the crazy owner. This guy was like the uncle no one talks about (the uncle everyone talks about). And he was helping us make an extremely important purchase. If those aren't good hands, I don't know what are!
So while his shopgirl assisted my sister in various gowns, the storeowner took us to this waiting area, and impressed my mom and I with his scary obsession over his shi tzu, Bento. Between tips on What Not To Feed Dogs ("My last shi tzu had a heart attack" "Oh, we're sorry" "Yeah. Ice cream twice a day probably isn't a good idea"), to how to effectively kills ticks ("Ooh, I got one! Can you hand me the pliers there?" "Oh... sure" "Now see. You have to burn them. That's why I always carry a lighter"), we were all enlightened when we left the store.
When we went back to the store to make the purchase, the shopowner's wife was there instead. Since she was disappointingly sane, I went to look for Bento. Not because I thought he was dead or anything, just to... make sure he was still alive. On my mission to find the dog - he was under the chair with lots of condiments: ketchup, mustard, peanut butter, and two jars of grape jam - I spotted this cloth peeking out of the dressing room. Curious, I went to investigate, and lo and behold, the faint sound of snoring came out from under the cloth, a blanket. The dressing room doubled as a nap space for the crazy shopowner.
And that is all. Back to being a goldfish now.