I can't sleep
God, I miss him. Every day I can't stop thinking about how's he is doing or that he's safe. I do wish he returns safely. Not because I want to see him again, but because I know that it would kill his mother if he died over there. His sisters would be a reck. They look up to him and have him on such a high pedestal. And if anything were to ever happen to him, God, I don't know what would happen to me. He's my best friend, my rock, and my soul mate. So far he's been the only man who truly knows and understands me. He's the only one I truly, deeply, passionately care about. But for now he doesn't know, he merely thinks that I think of him as my best friend. Or so he allows me to think. I know he knows that I love him. I just want him home. Even if that means he's back in TX. I'm ok with TX because it's not in the Middle East. I can call TX. We can banter to one another about the best way to boil water and about poop. Yes, we have strange conversations. I could talk to him about the men I'm interested in and hear in his voice that he doesn't like them. And I can secretly tell him he's stupid for falling for the idiots he's skirting around with. All can be done in the relm between IL and TX. I just have this feeling that nothing is going to be the same when he gets back. A part of me is afraid that the slightest bit of hope that he and I will get back together will be gone. Or my bigger fear, that we'll get back together ... I don't want to get hurt, more importantly, I don't want to hurt him again. I just miss him. November is such a long ways away. I've tried dating other people recently, but I always find a reason not to. The silliest one is that he wears briefs. I won't date this man because he wears briefs. Secretly, I'm waiting to see what will happen in November. I don't want to string a man along and then drop him as soon as he gets home. Lord, please bring him home safely.