Me llamo Sarita y quiero decirte una storia
I believe it's safe to write in this again. Working at the publishing company has given me too much time to think. What with all the filing I have to do, it's only natural to replay conversations I've had with people. With all the crap that has happened in the past week or so, I definitely realize that I am not ready to date yet. I don't think I was ever ready to date when I met Bill or even Tyler. Let's be honest, it's been 5 months since Matt and I broke up, but I'm not over what had happened. I allowed myself to build too many insecurities whilst in that relationship, thus portraying them on others in order to repell them from me. I made myself become the insecure girl that I loathe, instead of the strong woman who I know I truly am. After spending 3 and a half years with someone, you don't just get over what you both represented at the drop of a hat. Honestly, I don't believe I will be ready to get "involved" with another person for quite some time. I may go on a date or two, but really what's the point? I'm just not there yet. This whole excurtion with Tyler just proved that. But I do have to admit that I am happy we are no longer speaking to one another. He was too much work for me - very tempermental and hypocritical. And yes, a selfish asshole at times. But so was I. I was selfish for wanting to be with someone who a.) I know didn't care about me and b.) was there out of pure convenience. I wasn't ready for anyone.
But I do know more about the qualities I want in someone who I could see dating in the future. FYI: Dating in my book does not mean seeing someone exclusively or having the status of boyfriend/girlfriend. It merely means we enjoy one anothers company and go on dates from time to time. Anyway, here are some things I have learned about what I want in the past month. I do not want to date someone who is incredibly hypocritical. If he preaches so strongly about a specific topic, lets go with the latest of arguments of love and how important it is, and then turns around and shows no sign of it, then what gives him the right to preach something he can't even show? And with signs of love I don't mean telling me you love me, or making love to me. And with love I don't mean, "Will you marry me?" It's all a matter of respect and caring. Preaching about the importance of love is wonderful if you can demonstrate exactly that. Aren't caring and respect elements of love? So if you lack that then aren't you being hypocritical?
I'm not actually looking for an answer, merely ranting. Honestly, this was being pin pointed to many of debates Tyler and I have had in the past, but I now realize this argument grows true for my ex-boyfriend too. He said he loved me, wanted to marry me, but his actions disagreed with his words. I guess that doesn't make him a hypocrit, but merely a liar. Another quality I do not appreciate in anyone. Then again, he probably wasn't lieing at the time. I'm sure he felt that was towards me but as time went on we both realized that wasn't what he wanted. Truth be told, as I'm figuring this all out now, it wasn't what I wanted either.
I don't know what the heck I'm saying here. But it doesn't matter because no one is actually going to read this. I'm just ranting.
But I do know more about the qualities I want in someone who I could see dating in the future. FYI: Dating in my book does not mean seeing someone exclusively or having the status of boyfriend/girlfriend. It merely means we enjoy one anothers company and go on dates from time to time. Anyway, here are some things I have learned about what I want in the past month. I do not want to date someone who is incredibly hypocritical. If he preaches so strongly about a specific topic, lets go with the latest of arguments of love and how important it is, and then turns around and shows no sign of it, then what gives him the right to preach something he can't even show? And with signs of love I don't mean telling me you love me, or making love to me. And with love I don't mean, "Will you marry me?" It's all a matter of respect and caring. Preaching about the importance of love is wonderful if you can demonstrate exactly that. Aren't caring and respect elements of love? So if you lack that then aren't you being hypocritical?
I'm not actually looking for an answer, merely ranting. Honestly, this was being pin pointed to many of debates Tyler and I have had in the past, but I now realize this argument grows true for my ex-boyfriend too. He said he loved me, wanted to marry me, but his actions disagreed with his words. I guess that doesn't make him a hypocrit, but merely a liar. Another quality I do not appreciate in anyone. Then again, he probably wasn't lieing at the time. I'm sure he felt that was towards me but as time went on we both realized that wasn't what he wanted. Truth be told, as I'm figuring this all out now, it wasn't what I wanted either.
I don't know what the heck I'm saying here. But it doesn't matter because no one is actually going to read this. I'm just ranting.