Hello, nine years later.

[spambi]

I'm not sure why I'm really writing in all honesty. Everyone I cared about and talked with has probably long since moved on, changed their names, gotten married or maybe even died. In fact, I'd be positively stunned if anyone I once knew actually sees this and reads it.

I wonder if the last time I made a post nine years ago it crossed my mind that, "this might be the last time I log in and write something here, ever."

Most likely not, but that is exactly what happened until now.

I suppose it was a perfect storm of conditions that drove me to make this post, a culmination of things that sort of piled up on top of each other. I'm tired of contemporary social media and yearn for writing about myself, my life and thoughts, and reading the same inner dialog from people I care about. Not that I was truly a social media participant to begin with, but there's a layer of depth and sincerity you get in a long-form blog post that really can't be replicated through Instagram or whatever is the hippest, attention-span-challenged platform of the day. Or worse, something that's fine-tuned and tinkered with for clicks, views, SEO, and all sorts of other machinations to push people to engage.

What is it the kids do these days? Instagram, right? Do people even RP anymore? Or is that what Tumblr was for?

This weekend (after a series of circumstances) I found myself sitting on a real bonafide school bus and listening to music I hadn't heard in at least 12 years. I found myself looking back 15 years ago to my younger self and reflecting on everything that transpired over the second half of my life thus far.

So here's a blog post on a platform no one reads, to an audience of friends that no longer exists.

• Today, I'm 30. I was also 30 yesterday, and in a few months I'll be 31.
• All my hopes and dreams when I was 15 about growing taller did not come to fruition. Still holding out hope.
• Gratefully, my weight has stayed almost the same too. Do I look any different? Not sure yet. I am told I'll be really jazzed about this when I get older.
• If you're thinking 30 sounds old, I'm still getting mistaken as a highschooler, even in the workplace. This is starting to lessen some. I like to think it's because I upped my clothing and makeup game...sort of. Maybe my posture is just better.
• Speaking of workplace, I'm actually still working at the same job. I've been promoted several times and am now a manger. It's pretty unusual for people to stick around this long, but I love it and feel rewarded and challenged. All my Livejournaling paid off, since it was my foothold in HTML/CSS that got me here. Which I find humorous, considering how awful and dated the custom CSS is for my journal.
• I finally got a proper diagnosis for my tummy troubles. Looking back, it's kind of insane that I went so many years in pain. Spoiler alert: it's old-lady colitis. The kind old ladies get, that is.
• I've traveled more and regret not writting down my experiences. California, Washington, Michigan, Chicago, Montreal, even Japan. Why didn't I write things down?
• My parents are both retired and old. I am not enjoying this development. Granted the alternative is worse, but it's uncomfortable to watch.
• I still don't really drink that much, even thought legally now I can. I've still never gotten drunk.
• Probably the biggest change of all - I'm married. But funny enough, it's not a "big change" at all since it's exactly who you think it is. Exactly who you think it is.
• Moving in together was a lot of fun, that was a big step into adulthood. Now I know how to cook a mean steak.

I guess that's all the big stuff. I'm really starting to feel "old." Not like "get off my lawn, whippersnappers" old but...it's unsettling to acknowledge how rapid the past ten years slipped by, and the only real significant events were in the most recent two. What was I doing for seven years? What happened? Is this my quarter-life crisis? That sounds pretty good, since it means I'd be shooting for 120 years old. Let's aim for that.

I frequently think about the people I used to talk with here and wonder if their lives are going well. Did they grow up happy? Are their jobs fulfilling? Do they have new families? With the death of AIM and the de-anonymization of the internet, it's probably next to impossible to ever find these people again. Once in a while I like to imagine what it'd be like if everyone I knew met up at a coffee shop and just caught up - like a sitcom, only with more, "Oh god, that's what you look like?!" and less coffee.

I guess the most important takeaway I'm leaving here for myself, should I ever start feeling like this again, is to find things to mark the passage of time - remember them! Record them! And then reflect on them. Because one day I'll wake up again and realize I can't go backwards, so I better make the journey forwards as close to spectacular as I can!