The revelation brought about rainy clouds...
After knowing this person closely for quite a long time now, I find myself thinking back and feeling deeply disappointed at the current state of our relationship.
And I find myself sincerely thinking about what the failing point is. And then I find it...
Effort.
That's what it's lacking.
That's why these feelings bubble to the surface.
Almost three years now and there is no effort. I feel that most of it is the latter person's fault, which could be misplaced. Or it also could be right.
It's a shame the amount of ugliness I feel at the moment, both physically and mentally. It's as if their is no want to be with, no want to interact with other than for a few minutes. Because of taking one for granted for the simple fact that that they'll always be there. This is entirely due to one's lack of expectance for change; to the belief that things will always be the same. It's like living in a time capsule...
There's no trying. I want it back or I want to move on and moving on seems the only option. He's not going to change. However, moving on will not happen due to my financial and family situation. If he doesn't stand next to me, distracted or not, I will fall and hit rock bottom. I don't want to be looking up. It's the last place I want to be.
And so I contribute another melancholy post to my stack of live journal posts.
And I find myself sincerely thinking about what the failing point is. And then I find it...
Effort.
That's what it's lacking.
That's why these feelings bubble to the surface.
Almost three years now and there is no effort. I feel that most of it is the latter person's fault, which could be misplaced. Or it also could be right.
It's a shame the amount of ugliness I feel at the moment, both physically and mentally. It's as if their is no want to be with, no want to interact with other than for a few minutes. Because of taking one for granted for the simple fact that that they'll always be there. This is entirely due to one's lack of expectance for change; to the belief that things will always be the same. It's like living in a time capsule...
There's no trying. I want it back or I want to move on and moving on seems the only option. He's not going to change. However, moving on will not happen due to my financial and family situation. If he doesn't stand next to me, distracted or not, I will fall and hit rock bottom. I don't want to be looking up. It's the last place I want to be.
And so I contribute another melancholy post to my stack of live journal posts.