(no subject)

[spam_monti]

I feel like I can't truly write what I want to write here, because I know people are reading it. It doesn't bother me that generally people are reading, but that I know the actual people who read it. Christina, Nathan, anybody who happens to know me can search for my journal and read it. I don't like that, because then I begin to think of nicer ways to put things. My journal is becoming like my life. A facade (sguigly line under the 'c'). A begin to erase things because it might offend this person or that. And I don't want my journal to be like that. It's not a bad thing, if it makes it easier for yourself, but it's a bad thing for me, because once I start getting comfertable with the established outside carolyn, I start living it. For the longest time, I was the girl who never went without a smile, but inside, i was never happy. in fact, that was one of the lowest times of my life. I don't think it's wrong that I'm thinking this, and that I do put things in my journal that may offend people, becaus if that's what i'm thinking, isn't better to preserve the truth?... so, i'm not going to write so much about the personal carolyn, as the day to day carolyn anymore. my entry's will consist of when I got up, what I did, but not how what I did affected me, and what I thougtht about this person and that. I just don't want to lie anymore. If your afraid that you were one of those people who would have been offended, don't worry, I don't thinking anything horrible about anybody i know is reading my journal. This will just make it easier for me to be me. and if you love me, you'll just except it. I don't know why i'm so worried that everyone will hate me because i'm not going to write in here much anymore, but... that's me.. always looking outside myself.
meh. i don't know what to write anymroe. i've probably already written too much...