(no subject)
I know that being the Laurel class president means I have an increase in responsibility, and I readily accept those additional responsibilities, but there are some forces in my life in which I have no control over, and some of these forces have been working against me. I have a father who makes and brakes promises, and in doing so makes hope and breaks my heart, every time. He'd rather be lost in a world of alcohol than hear my pleading voice with a sober ear. It's hard for me to be happy because of this and so I act like I'm happy. Most of the time it works, but others, it doesn't. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to get out of bed, he hurts me so much. my mother, hard as she may try has a fast and angry temper. No one's perfect, I know this, and I also know that she loves me dearly, but that doesn't always stop her from yelling about the small things like a broken dish or a basket full of unfolded laundry. Because of this, my relationship with her is dwindling, and I find myself wishing that there were no relationship to salvage. I love my sister with all that I am, and yet, she still finds a way to upset me to the point of explosion. I don't care so much about the stained clothing or the broken thing-y that she borrowed as much as the attitude she has of not caring about how it makes me feel. I have no ro-model, except for Christ, and sometimes hoping to be like him seems like such a waste of time it hurts to breathe. Missing a meeting because my alarm clock is broken; being late because my mom had me go to the store for her; not calling because I'm grounded for some missing 'Propel" water... all these things are out of my "circle of control", and if I dwell on them any longer, I will explode. The only thing I control is myself and my relationship with Christ, and so I'll work on that as long as I live, but I must give up the things I have no control over.