~ MUST BE THE MOON PHASE & THE TIDES ~
The dreaming is wearing me slap out right now.
I have been dreaming a lot lately, but they've all been stressful, exhausting & very bittersweet and sad. Last night I think I dreampt all night long. I'm so tired today - and as usual, preoccupied with the meaning of my dreams.
Full of symbolism of what's going on in my real, waking life, these dreams were hard to face in some ways. My long-gone youth, my innocence & my security about some things in life.
It was a very long, difficult night.
Add to that, the first week of Sweetpea's Kindergarten is the last week in August - also known as "Production Week" of the play. All added together = MAJOR CRAZINESS.
I don't know HOW it's going to work. I don't know how I will handle the stress.
I don't want Sweetpea to be stressed too much more than normal her first week, but . . . . OH and not to mention the friends who told us about feeling bombarded with volunteering stuff. . . . we're getting 2-3 packets and letters etc a day from the school about EVERYTHING !
Hubman is really overwhelmed already. I'm really hoping he steps up to the plate and takes on some responsibility and doesn't leave it ALL up to me like in the past. It's not fair and simply not logical with two kids in two different schools. I'll be doing a lot more of volunteering in the pre-school and I'm hoping he'll do more in the Kindergarten. We shall see though. . . .we shall see. My expectations might be dashed to the ground.
So, no wonder I'm dreaming all sorts of stuff. About school, old profs, shows, cleaning and clearing out the past and things not needed, death and moving on, aging, youth, gifts and burdens. . . . no wonder. My mind is on overload and trying not to panic. One dream though was particularly sad and depressing. I was in prision for an undetermined amount of time. No idea what I did - I think it was theft or something. . . . I was cold, hungry and friends with some wimpy little crazy guy who talked to himself and tried to escape every day - and failed every day. I hated it and was so cold. . . . so cold. I finally got a job in the admin office and found my belongings that they took when I was admitted and gathered it all up - because some of it was being 'procured' by the head admin guy. I gathered up all of my things into one big bag and was able to sneak out with Hubman during a special visit when everyone else was watching something. I felt better about that at least. . . . I could just go on w/my sentence there and not worry about my stuff. Weird - but it made sense in the dream.
I felt like life had moved on w/out me on the outside. . . and I was desperate to catch up and be just as in sync with life as everyone else. . . . yep, I know what that means in my real life. . . I sure do. Oh boy. . .
More later. . . time to study lines, get ready and make some phone calls before rehearsal tonight.