~ CLEARING MY HEAD ~
I'd like to think it was because I took the day to vent, spew and bemoan things. I'd also like to think it was because I took time to clean out two drawers and do some major laundry. It would also be nice to think that it was because I had a really healthy lunch high in protein but not in calories. Oh, and yes, there's even part of me that thinks it's because deep down, I'm relieved that Hip Kitty quit the play - no matter what the reasons. She was oppressive - that's one consistant thing about her. She's a big spirit, big person and has an even bigger ego that at least my Mom and Hubman have speculated already that is at the forefront of her departure. (She couldn't be /wasn't going to be the 'lead' or the 'star' or even have a character that changes or grows - so not a challenge = buh-bye-I-refuse-to-do-this-without-all-the-attention) I'm not commenting either way on that last theory - even though Hubman and Mom are very smart, and extremely intuitive people. I just can't go there right now. . .
Nah, I'm finding a new groove already. Even without a decent night's sleep. . . . I'm reminding myself that I believe "everything happens for a reason" - to add new and interesting stiches to the tapestry that is life. I believe I was given this role for a reason or reasons that I can't even see, even though I might think that I know what they are.
Then, I stumble on a quote this evening from Corrie TenBoon - a writer and Holocaust survivor : (paraphrasing) "When your train goes into a dark tunnel with no light ahead, you don't throw away your ticket and jump off of the train. You put your trust in the conductor."
She's absolutely right. I was instantly lifted and reminded that I feel I was given this opportunity for reasons I can't name, see or spell out - other than what I speculate they might be. I need to trust.
Then, I get an email from my Uncle - the uber-smart retired Air Force pilot and general know it all. It's a factual illustration about 'a buzzard, a bat and a bumblebee' and how when caged even with an open top - they will die. Simply because in their mental make up - they don't or won't look up for an alternative. The illustration being that we as humans just need to look up to our creator. For me also - 'and trust.'
I'm gettin' deep here I know, but I can't explain it. I'm feeling clearer about things and not as 'devasted' as I once was earlier today, and for that I am truly grateful and thankful.
I have no idea what's going to become of the play. I have figured out what specifically was bothering me about the production and the direction - and it simply comes down to artistic choices and differences. . . due to different backgrounds. The director's background is vastly different than mine in terms of type/style of performance she does.
I'm just thankful for the peaceful feeling I have right now - it may totally change by morning, but now I'm going to embrace it.
Lookin' up. . . . ~SpaJunkie