Naruto Fanfiction - Okaeri (Part VII - i)

Dec 29, 2008 22:22

She bit her lip. She had promised herself she would be strong. She had to be strong. Hinata dug her nails into the bark of the tree. No matter how hard it would be she would not break down in front of anyone. N…not even… no, not even if she met…

“Are you going to stay there all day?”

Hinata started, and looked guiltily towards the Uchiha, who was looking at her pointedly while he continued performing his exercises - so much for hoping that Sasuke would conveniently ignore her until she made a decision to come out herself.

She slid down to the ground, half-afraid that he would say something which would make her remember too much, that he would tread where she feared anyone would wander. Sasuke paused, and turned his dark gaze on her. “Glad you’ve finally decided to come out,” he said coolly, and she stiffened. She felt a sudden prickle of tears at his tone and quickly blinked.  She would not cry, he could not make her cry.

“Well?” he said impatiently, “Are you going to fight or stand there glaring at me?”

She wondered where the relatively kind Sasuke of the night before had disappeared to. This one seemed in a foul temper and Hinata was in no mood to try to appease him. “I..I can start now,” she said, trying to stop those treacherous tears from starting. She pressed her lips together and took her fighting stance.

“Well then start!”

She rushed at him, feeling a sudden surge of irritation as she dealt out her punches. Who did he think he was?  He had no right to stand there, ordering her to start. No right at all. Sasuke had dark shadows beneath his eyes, his face stark white against the inky blackness of his hair. He seemed fatigued to Hinata, and for some reason it annoyed her. What reason did he have to look so exhausted? It was she who had spent a sleepless night, miserably berating herself for having been so naïve and absurd, tossing and turning in bed as she agonized over having to see N…Na…Naruto again…

“You look as though you didn’t sleep much last night,” he commented offhandedly as he dodged a punch aimed at his face.

“I didn’t” Hinata replied curtly and smiled slightly as one of her punches connected. She wanted nothing more than to wipe the unperturbed look off Sasuke’s face, make him stop underestimating her. They all did, didn’t they? She was only plain Hyuuga Hinata, only to be thought of when needed.

“I see,” he said, and she bristled at that. What did he mean by that? What could he know? Was he judging her?  I see. She was sick of his patronizing tone, sick of the way he assumed she was there to do as he wanted.

Hinata was growing increasingly more angry as they fought, and everything he said she took as an insult, a further jab towards her being weak, towards her feelings. Even the way he moved was irritating her, reminding her of the difference in their abilities, and unreasonable as it sounded, she felt sure he was doing it on purpose, to berate her for her foolishness, to remind her how indecorously she had behaved, running after someone who had no interest in her.

The thought of that was the final straw, and her cheeks burned in furious indignation. How dare he judge her?! He had no right, no right to do this do her, no right to use her in this way, then toss her away,  Naruto had no right, she thought furiously, all her feelings of frustration and pain coming to the fore, her self-restraint gone.  Naruto had no right to hurt her so even though she was a fool and blind and she wanted to hit him and hit him and hit him…

Someone was calling her, an urgent voice in the midst of her madness and she could hear herself screaming,  the anger and pain and her pride making her want to hit harder, to make someone else hurt the way she was hurting…

“Hinata.”

… and someone caught her arms as she flailed, anger choking her and she jerked her arms away, wrapping them around herself, gasping slightly as she looked at him, Sasuke, Sasuke, not Naruto, never Naruto…

Never hers.

Hinata shivered as she stared at the dark eyed Uchiha, breath coming in short gasps as she tried to compose herself, tried to go back to being Hinata instead of this person she didn’t recognize. “S-sasuke,” she said, almost to herself, “Sasuke.”

“It’s all right,” he said gently, as he placed hands on her shoulders. “It’s all right, Hinata.“

Hinata looked at him with wounded eyes. “It’s not,” she answered, her voice trembling, “and it won’t be for a long time,” she continued, before the world went dark.

***

Hinata leaned her head back resting against the tree trunk and closed her eyes. Her head was aching mercilessly. She deserved it, she though, after that shocking display. The thought of what she’d just done made her cringe with mortification.

Never had she behaved so unreasonably and hysterically. She had disgraced herself, humiliated herself for something which she had only herself to blame for. What would Sasuke think of her? The thought of the Uchiha made her blush hotly. She had attacked him, screamed at him like a fishwife and then fainted away. And why of all people had she broken out in front of the stoic and self contained Uchiha instead of someone kind and safe like Kiba or Shino, who wouldn’t despise her? Even though that would have meant having to explain  all about her feelings about Naruto… The wave of depression which engulfed her took her by surprise, sweeping away her embarrassment with the thought of something more painful. Tears pricked her eyes, but she gritted her teeth. She would bear it. But it hurt. It hurt so much.

“Here.”

She opened her eyes to see the newly -arrived Sasuke handing her her water bottle. Hinata took it silently, feeling unable to say a single word, wishing she were anywhere but there.

“Drink.” She obediently lifted the water to her lips, but she felt as though to drink a single drop would choke her. Hinata put her bottle rather quickly on the ground.  She had to apologise to him before she could do anything else, and she had to do it before her courage failed her. “S-Sasuke.. I-I…” she stuttered, trying to find the right words to say as he looked at her expectantly. Instead she burst into tears.

“I’m so sorry,” she wept wretchedly, burying her face in her hands. “I was so rude and ungrateful, and so horrible to you… I’m so sorry!” She sobbed unrestrainedly, her unhappiness coming to the fore. First the shock of Naruto and Sakura, and now this. Why, why couldn’t she have maintained her last shards of dignity? When would this horrible feeling leave her?

“Stop it Hinata.” His voice was quiet and authorative and it chilled her to think how much it resembled her father’s tone of voice. Hinata was utterly and thoroughly miserable, ashamed of her weakness and ashamed of her inability to be strong. “Look at me.” She struggled to control her tears, avoiding his gaze. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in Sasuke’s eyes, or the look of disgust she was sure to meet there.

“Hinata, look at me.” Unable to refuse again, Hinata withdrew her hands from her face and lifted her eyes slowly towards his.

A pair of dark eyes bored into hers and she shivered.  She wrung her hands agitatedly, another habit she knew annoyed so many people. “I... Sasuke...I...” Sasuke took her hands and she tried unsuccessfully to free herself.

“Hinata, calm down. You’re still agitated.” His voice was soothing and lacked the anger she was so afraid of. Hinata swallowed and nodded, making an effort to try to calm herself and speak coherently. “I behaved so badly towards you,” she whispered hurriedly. “I was s-so angry and I took it o-out on you and…. Please forgive me, Sasuke.” She bowed her head, awaiting for the onslaught which was sure to follow.

He snorted, startling her. This was not the answer she had expected.

“Oh please,” he said impatiently, noticing her expression. “I’ve done worse, as Kakashi would be happy to tell you. And Sakura would have destroyed half Fire-country if anyone had treated her the way that baka behaved towards you…”

“N-No.” She looked apologetically at Sasuke. “Please…don’t.” She was angry with Naruto, cheerful, generous Naruto who would never knowingly hurt anyone but she still couldn’t hear anyone else berate him… She was the one at fault. Only she.  “He’s done nothing wrong. Please, don’t… don’t talk about him like that.”

He gazed at her, his expression unreadable. “I see,” he said quietly, and Hinata wondered what exactly he saw and cringed, doubting that it would be something very flattering. Sasuke sighed and passed his fingers through his thick care.  “All right, I won’t,” he muttered, but then he smiled slightly. “I’ll still think it though,” he told her, and she half-laughed at that, surprising herself.

“Who are you really angry with, Hinata?”

The sudden question caught her by surprise. Hinata stared at him silently.  Naruto, she thought. But not really. It was everything she thought, the feeling of having lost someone precious, of her pride being hurt, of anger towards herself for not being something more, for always being second best, of not being like the others… “Myself,” she answered softly. “Mostly myself.”

“Ah.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “At least you acknowledge it.” Hinata shot him a look. His last few words seemed laden with meaning, and not a little regret, and she was on the point of asking him why he wouldn’t  acknowledge his anger towards himself, but then remembered that it might not be an entirely tactful question to ask.

“I never lost control life this before,”

“It was bound to happen,” Sasuke said. “In runs in your family.”

“I-It doesn’t!”

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. “Neji,” he pointed out, and Hinata gaped at him, before letting out a short sharp laugh. That was twice, she though, as she half-cried, half laughed into her handkerchief. Twice that he had made her laugh when she had been feeling there could be no more laughter in her world. However, the thought of her sometimes overly-dramatic cousin sobered her up. “I c-can’t show N-Neji-niisan or the others I’m upset,” she said, almost to herself. “They’ll want to know the reason w-why a-and…”

“And it will make things worse?” he supplemented and she nodded.

“I don’t w- want s-sympathy,” she said restlessly, fingers digging into the ground. The thought of sympathy terrified her because she was afraid of her not being able to maintain a calm façade. “I-I just w-want to f-forget about it.” But how easy would that be? she thought bitterly. How could she tear away a part of her so quickly and painlessly, forget the person who unintentionally had been her main source of courage and hope for so many years?

“You seem to be asking for it though,” Sasuke remarked, and she turned to face him, hurt. He raised his hands placatingly, cutting her off before she had a chance to deny it. “I don’t mean you do it intentionally,” he clarified, “Vulnerability brings out protective instincts,” he said cryptically, “and if you show your weakness…” here Hinata winced, wondering if he knew how hard that word hit her “… your friends will try to comfort you anyway even if you don’t want them to. Get it?” Hinata was silent, unable to deny the truth of what Sasuke said. Hinata clenched her fists. However hard it would be, she would bear it alone.

Sasuke sighed slightly, interpreting her silence as disagreement. “I’m not good at this kind of thing,” he muttered and made as if to stand up.

“N-No,” Hinata said as she plucked apologetically at his sleeve, stopping him, and he shot her a quizzical look.  “I’m s-sorry Sasuke, you’re right. “I-I have to stop feeling sorry for myself a-and learn to hide my feelings better.”  She looked down, hiding her features.

“Neji will be angry with me or pity me if he gets to know about all this,” she said wretchedly, “I don’t want that. Shino-kun and Kiba-kun will be worried and disappointed…” The thought was unbearable. She noticed with some surprise that Sasuke shaking his head slowly and smiling slightly.

“You’ll never change, will you?” he asked her, and smirked at her puzzled gaze. “I would be more worried about their going to have a little ‘talk’ with Naruto,” he continued dryly. “Naruto may not be the brightest spark in the box, but even he might suspect something if suddenly your cousin and teammates decide to try to tear him apart for your sake.” He leaned back his head, resting it on the tree-trunk. “At least, if I beat up Naruto, no-one’s going to be the wiser for it.”

Hinata listened open-mouthed to this. “I…but why would they...” she asked lamely. “It’s my fault…”

He sighed impatiently. “There you go again. Enough with the refrain Hyuuga!” Hinata fell silent. The thought that Sasuke believed so many people would fight in her corner, not pity or berate her, even though she had been a little idiot made her feel strangely warm inside. And that Sasuke himself… the exact meaning of what he had said suddenly sunk in.

“Sasuke! You-you won’t really fight with Naruto-kun, will you?” she said, alarmed.

He shot her a lazy look. “I always fight with Naruto. Won’t it be stranger if I don’t?” he pointed out smugly, and she could think of no reply. She sat in silence beside the Uchiha, thoughts whirling in her brain. So many things had happened in the past twenty-four hours. She’d experienced so many feelings: elation, regret, sorrow, anger… and surprise. Sasuke had surprised her again and again, and she felt grateful to him. Hinata knew he had no reason to have taken care of her, and he had done so, just as though he were Kiba or Shino. But… if she allowed him to keep taking care of her, she would not live up to his teachings. She had been weak while he had been trying hard to help her become strong. Hinata made a silent compact with herself.

“Sasuke?”

“Hmm?”

It was a struggle to school herself into appearing calm, but Hinata was determined to do it, and when she turned to face Sasuke  even she managed to smile, although the feeling of wanting to burst into tears hadn’t left her.  “See? I-I’ve already started to put on a brave face on things,” she said, eyes bright but voice steady. Sasuke looked at her impassively, and Hinata lifted her chin almost defiantly, half-afraid that he doubted her.

“I will make it through,” she said with sudden determination and flushed slightly at the look of approval Sasuke gave her. He  offered her his hand, and pulled her gently to her feet. His hand was warm and comforting, and Hinata was glad that he was there with her.

“You will,” he agreed and she smiled more easily this time, grateful that he believed  in her. But…

“Still… I-I think may need reminding, at times,” Hinata told him quietly. Sasuke gave her one of his unreadable looks and half-smiled. “I’m here,” he said, and Hinata impulsively wrapped her arms round him, and hugged him.

She pulled away, blushing at her daring and half-afraid he would be offended, but he did not look displeased. “Thank you, Sasuke,” she told him, and he nodded.

“Stand up tall, Hinata, and remember your pride.”

***

tbc...

Part VII ii


fanfiction, okaeri, sasuhina

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