A Fallen Southern Belle
So after days of painstakingly rushing through the final pages of Joseph Heller's Catch 22 (simply because I am a perfectionist and must finish everything that I start), I am doing some hardcore pleasure reading. On one of my four "adventures" to the USF library last week, I nabbed a random book off of one of the shelves. And it is quickly turning into one of the most hilarious pieces of literature I have ever read. It is absolutely great, and I want to reccomend it to anyone who likes to sit on their ass and sunbathe while doing "summer reading". Even though I made a list of about 55 books that I need to read this summer, I'm starting with the easy ones first. The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love by Jill Conner Brown. Get it. Now. Run.
"Call the thing a beauty pageant, and be done with it. Get honest. And let the winners get back to the traditional wave, the one that says, "I am better looking than every one of you! But I am humble about it, and I have compassion for all you little, ugly, pathetic people. I am up here, where I belong, above the crowd, so you can all see how very beee-yooo-ti-ful I am and you can see it from all angles and so fully appreciate just how much better looking I am than you. But even in my great beauty, I am still sweet and kind, and I will wave to the likes of you to prove it. See? I am waving and smiling.""
"Now, in a tropical location such as the one we find ourselves in, even bronze goddesses like myself must exercise a certain degree of caution about sunning. Let me just say right now that I am well aare of all the current hoo-ha about the sun and all. And let me further state that I don't care what they say. The sun is good- for me. I believe that staying inside in fluorescent lights and working all the time is what is causing all this melanoma."
"He was fond of bowling and squirrels."
"Yes, indeed. Blow jobs make the world go 'round, just in case you still thought it was love. Everything that happens, good or bad, in the entire world, can ultimately be traced back to a blow job, either given or withheld...Properly timed and executed, blow jobs given to the right personnel on a regular basis would no doubt bring world peace."
"Be particular. That is, without a doubt, the Best Advice Ever Given in the History of the Entire World. Consider, if you will, the profound effect that following that advice would have on, say your diet, your love life, your financial situation, your decision on whether to have that next drink. I mean, what do those two words not cover?"
"Call the thing a beauty pageant, and be done with it. Get honest. And let the winners get back to the traditional wave, the one that says, "I am better looking than every one of you! But I am humble about it, and I have compassion for all you little, ugly, pathetic people. I am up here, where I belong, above the crowd, so you can all see how very beee-yooo-ti-ful I am and you can see it from all angles and so fully appreciate just how much better looking I am than you. But even in my great beauty, I am still sweet and kind, and I will wave to the likes of you to prove it. See? I am waving and smiling.""
"Now, in a tropical location such as the one we find ourselves in, even bronze goddesses like myself must exercise a certain degree of caution about sunning. Let me just say right now that I am well aare of all the current hoo-ha about the sun and all. And let me further state that I don't care what they say. The sun is good- for me. I believe that staying inside in fluorescent lights and working all the time is what is causing all this melanoma."
"He was fond of bowling and squirrels."
"Yes, indeed. Blow jobs make the world go 'round, just in case you still thought it was love. Everything that happens, good or bad, in the entire world, can ultimately be traced back to a blow job, either given or withheld...Properly timed and executed, blow jobs given to the right personnel on a regular basis would no doubt bring world peace."
"Be particular. That is, without a doubt, the Best Advice Ever Given in the History of the Entire World. Consider, if you will, the profound effect that following that advice would have on, say your diet, your love life, your financial situation, your decision on whether to have that next drink. I mean, what do those two words not cover?"